Sadly the post title doesn’t refer to another entry in the eponymous Dummies series. Which is a shame, as I think it might make an entertaining read. Instead it refers to a one-woman show by Eleanor O’Brien. It’s based on her experiences training as a pro-domme in NYC and looks like it might make for an amusing evening. Apparently one of the dommes she mimics is called Margo, but I’m sure that’s no relation to the NYC based Miss Margo of my blogroll! If you’re in Portland and interested in attending, it’s playing this weekend (14/15/16 June) at the CoHo theater.
I have to admit my first thought on seeing the original article title – once I got over the strange syntax (surely it should be Domination for Dummies) – was that if you’re a dummy, you probably shouldn’t be a dominatrix. My second thought, hard on the heels of the first, was I wonder if anyone has a fetish for incompetent dominatrices? The kind who’d hit themselves with their own whip, giggle during serious interrogation roleplay and tie themselves into knots rather than the submissive. I’ve never heard of such a kink, but if the internet has taught us anything, it’s that if you can imagine it, somebody will fetishize it. If it does exist, then it strikes me as one of the most dangerous kinks you could possibly have.
Picking a picture this post was tricky. I didn’t want to use a recent shot and risk an angry email from an offended domme. Luckily when you’re looking for incompetency in kink, you can always turn to 70’s porn. This one’s a real doozy. There’s a weird belt leash, an incompetently waved whip, some strange eye makeup, a slave apparently enjoying his dinner and a domme about to brain him with a champagne bottle for some reason. Perhaps she think slaves should be christened in the same way ships are?
The kind who’d hit themselves with their own whip, giggle during serious interrogation roleplay and tie themselves into knots rather than the submissive
It’s like you deny my existence, paltego. I’m hurt.
It’s funny, but I actually tried to work a reference to you into this post. Given your blog title and this post title it seemed appropriate. Unfortunately I couldn’t work it in smoothly without also risking it being inadvertently offensive. It therefore ended up on the cutting room floor. But at least it was removed for the best of reasons 🙂
-paltego
I appreciate your handling me (and potential offense) with care. 🙂
But I’m not so easily offended — I’m the first to admit my own incompetence (loudly and often!). Some particularly good examples are my first attempt at tying my own corset and accidentally knotting myself to a doorknob, practicing rope bondage and tying myself to an office chair, and a post-play injury tally where I was left with far more bumps and bruises than my submissive.
I’m sure it’s someone’s kink, but I have yet to hear about it. (anyone out there? anyone?) As for being dangerous, I assure you, I’m far more dangerous to myself than to anyone else! And at least I can never be accused of taking myself too seriously… right? 🙂
And you’re right about Dominating for Dummies, someone should write it… hmmm….
As an employee of John Wiley – publisher of the dummy guides – I am surprised this has not been floated as almost every other subject you could think of has been! 🙂
We have a “suggestion box” type thing for the dummy guides – if we think of a subject that has not been covered, such as an emerging area of interest or a fast growing hobby then we can suggest we do a guide . . . I’ll drop in a note! 🙂
I might even suggest there’s an ideal authoress out there!!!
Dumb Domme – Just had a read of your blog – delightful!
dave
When I was writing this I actually went and looked at the Dummies site to see if their was a dominatrix book! Post 50 shades of grey I wouldn’t have been surprised to find something. But as far as I can see there’s a sex guide, but that’s about it. Nothing kinky in any dimension. You should definitely drop in a note 🙂
-paltego
I enjoyed re-reading those posts of your slightly less successful ventures. I remember laughing the first time I came across them, and they still made me smile. You should probably steer clear of any edge play activities – who knows what you might achieve with a suspension rig or a box of needles!
You’d make a great author of ‘Dominating for Dummies’. I’ve never yet brought a dummies book, but I promise you at least one sale if you put pen to paper :).
-paltego
Ooh! Ooh! I do! I have an incompetent domme fetish!
I mean, not in real life, obviously. But as a fantasy, the notion that the domme is a bit clueless about what she’s doing (or just doesn’t care about me enough to bother to get it right) is profoundly exciting. It adds to the powerlessness.
And, since I tend to put my fantasies on the Internet, I can even show you!
So, for example, This. And that – I mean, you’d run a mile from any real domme who was doing that, but dumbo there just kneels patiently and waits.
This school scene is a bit similar – the point being that you have to play the role of schoolboy (my favourite!) and learn what she tells you even if the domme herself is not academically gifted…
And a sort of incompetent nurse fantasy …sometimes I have it as the sub who has mistaken a domme scene for real medical treatment, sometimes the other way around.
And – again – just to be clear, all this is nothing but a fantasy. Every single professional domme I have ever visited has been nothing but professional. If there are any nervous lurkers out there reading this while considering their first visit to a domme, I thoroughly encourage you to do it. You might be nervous, but so was every single one of her clients the first time – she knows what to do, and you’ll be absolutely fine and wonder what had been holding you back all this time – I did.
(Let me know if the links don’t work… incompetent sub that I am).
I should have thought of you when I was writing the original post. I’ve been amused by your twist on the incompetent domme theme in the past. Although, as you say, it’s often more that they don’t really care all that much than outright incompetence on their part. Callousness and carelessness can be hot!
-paltego
Thank you. You probably already know about it but this video – My best guess – is very much on-topic.
Again, it is of course just a joke and not a reflection of what actually happens when you visit a domme…
…but then what happens if your girlfriend handcuffs you to the bed is NOT usually that she turns to be a psycho or a violent robber, seeking to blackmail or murder you. Just because the number of movies featuring that scene – no doubt all their directors thinking it original and edgy – has now passed the 1 million mark, does not make it so.