Yesterday’s post featured a rather depressing article on the experiences of four dommes working in commercial BDSM houses. I thought I’d follow it up with some personal comments on the topic.
For those that are unaware of the professional BDSM business, I should explain that there are basically two types of pro-domme – independent and house. The difference rests in who actually owns the business. An independent domme is her own boss. She handles advertising, client screening, scheduling, sourcing equipment, providing a suitable playspace and (obviously) the session itself. In contrast a house domme works as an independent contractor for a commercial dungeon. The management of the dungeon handles the business side of maintaining the space and attracting clients. A domme will typically work a shift and negotiate sessions as clients appear. Anyone can show up at a commercial dungeon at almost any time and get to play, where independent dommes schedule in advance and may require days or even weeks of notice.
I always play with independent dommes. I’ve never seen any reason to do otherwise. My rational is simultaneously altruistic and selfish.
- I know where the money is going, and it’s 100% to the person I play with. A commercial house takes a large cut of a session fee and I’ve no way of knowing exactly who is getting that money.
- I get to play with someone who has demonstrated a degree of commitment to her profession. Managing a successful small business is hard work and, as mentioned in prior posts, I’ve endless respect for the skills necessary to operate as a successful pro-domme. In contrast the screening and training for dommes in a commerical house can be vague to almost non-existent. I might get someone with years of experience, or it might be someone who looks good in heels and just got handed their first whip.
- I can build a relationship with a domme. Dommes in commercial houses can have regular clients, but if I’m going to play with one person frequently, it’s much easier if I can schedule and negotiate with that person on a 1 to 1 basis.
None of this is to say that there aren’t talented dommes working in commercial dungeons. For example, readers of Miss Margo’s blog will be much aware of her undoubted BDSM skills, as well as her complex feelings about the space she worked. It’s also true that many independents started in a commercial dungeon, and that well run dungeons do exist. My problem as a client is that I’ve got no way of identifying those cases. Even if I was guaranteed a fantastic experience with a talented domme, I wouldn’t want to do it anywhere that mistreats its employees. Whether it’s my mechanic, lawyer or barista, I always bias to small and independent concerns, and I think that’s a particularly important policy when it comes to sex work.
This is another image taken by Susan Meiselas at New York’s Pandoras Box in 1995. You can see the full set of photographs here (note that there are 2 pages worth).
I’m very much an independent Domme guy, but there are two situations where that’s not always true.
In NYC there are still some great Dommes who work in houses. I think that’s a combination of the rents for spaces in NYC keeps some Dommes in houses, plus there are just so many Dommes, some number of them will choose to work in a house, and still be really good.
The other is Germany, where most of the Dommes I’ve seen work in houses. But Germany is a special situation since Domination is legal. There’s no hassle from the local authorities and Dommes can make it an actual career. I’ve been visiting Dommes there off and one for the last twelve years, and of the five houses I’ve been in, all are still in business. and doing well.
I agree there are some good Dommes in NYC houses, but I’m still not sure that correlates to the house being well run or treating its employees properly. Of course you could argue that if they choose to be there, then that’s their decision, and why should I second guess it? That’s a fair response. But I still think I’d personally avoid a house, even if I knew the domme was good, just because I’ve no idea of what bullshit is going on behind the scenes.
You make a good point about Germany. I don’t know much about the scene there, but from what little I’ve read and observed, it does seem to be a far different set-up. Legalization makes a big difference. I’m sure there’s still behind the scene drama, like any work environment, but not the crazy illegal abuse the Tits and Sass article talked about. In Germany people would presumably go to the police if they were treated like that.
I’d actually love to visit some of the German houses, as they seem to have some of the most amazing and professional set-ups I’ve seen anywhere in the world.
-paltego
Hi paltego! <3
I think it's great that you discussed the Tits and Sass article (FYI, I left a hugeass comment after that article..the first one in the comments thread).
Your assessment of independent vs. 'house' prodomme is completely accurate. If I was a submissive wanting to see a pro, I myself would almost certainly see an independent mistress for all of the reasons you list.
I think that the men who primarily or exclusively see dommes at dungeons do so for three reasons:
1) Convenience….they live in NYC, they get the itch on a rainy day, or they get half a day off work all of a sudden, and they can call en route to the dungeon and meet at least a few mistresses and have a session right away.
2) the Dungeon is an always convenient in-call. Most of the clients are married. They want to go somewhere really discreet. I always joked that most of our clients (and many of the mistresses, such as yours truly) were "off the grid" at the dungeon….NOBODY knew where those guys were when they came to session with us. Their boss and friends thought that they were at the movies or something.
3) A lot of clients like multiple-domme sessions, or even groups of dommes, or they like quasi-public humiliation. If you want to gave five or 6 women stomp you on the nads or watch you get your butt kicked in a wrestling match with Judo Champ Mistress (very common fantasy), well, the dungeon is just the easiest way to do this, logistically.
Other reasons to go to a dungeon: it's cheaper (hate to say it, but it's true…the dungeon on my blog, "the Studio" (not its real name) has had the same rates for at least 15 years.
Also, some of the dungeons I've seen have really incredible decor and theme-rooms. If you're a tourist and you want that "NYC Dungeon Experience," it can be fun.
If I was in your position, though, I would prefer to session with an Independent I'd researched myself. I think that is the best way to ensure you have a quality experience with a domme you can (reasonably) trust to be skilled. I hate to say it, but I won't lie: for a client who is sessioning with a dungeon mistress he's meeting for the first time, it's a crapshoot. We had some fantastic mistresses and we had some that were clueless, useless, and unprofessional.
I don't mean to self-promote on your blog (after all, you very generously do this for me), but, since it is topically relevant and I bet lots of clients read this, you can find many tales of Dungeon Drama and lots of thoughts about clients on my blog under the tag label "The Biz."
Thanks for the shout-out, paltego! xoxoxoxox
Margo