Yesterday’s post about ‘play acting’ got me thinking more about personas and how we constantly project partial elements of our personalities into the world. It struck me that intense BDSM play represents an almost unique situation in that regard.
I’m someone whose is constantly debating and editing myself. That’s not to say I’m insincere or fake. It’s just that my brain is constantly running and adjusting to the world around me. I like to analyze, pick out subtext and fine tune how I present to the world. I think most people do the same thing, either consciously or subconsciously. Unless someone is a totally self-centered jerk, there’s always a desire to understand how we’re being perceived by others.
The one and only time I think that’s not true is during intense BDSM play. When I’m tied down and being beaten there’s no room in my brain for analysis or reflection. When a needle starts to slip into my skin my only thought is to that sharp slippery sensation of pain. When nipple clamps are ripped away all that matters is the rush of blood and the tingling nerves. The combination of mental submission (which removes choice) and physical pain (which removes thinking) makes for a holiday from the self.
I wouldn’t say that my persona in those intense moments is somehow more true or real than my day to day one. Nobody beating my naked ass is getting to somehow learn the secrets of the inner me. But those are the times when I can forget about my persona and how I’m perceived, and just be in that very physical pure moment.
I’ll finish with an image of someone very much in an intense physical moment. I’d guess the only thing on his mind right now involves those nipple clamps and exactly when she’s going to tug them free.
This is from the Divine Bitches site.
Hi Paltego:
I really enjoyed reading this and I can totally relate. When I lose myself in intense play I really lose myself. All my cares, worries and anxieties disappear as I absorb the next cane stroke or experience some other form of intense stimulation. When play is at it’s best the feeling in the moment is the only thing that matters. It is not unlike meditation, getting lost in a piece of music or the wonder I experience when scuba diving. No wonder I keep returning to experience those intense feelings again and again. I find taking holidays from myself both joyful and rejuvenating for my mind and spirit. Here is to more frequent holidays! 🙂
Best
hmp
Hey hmp,
Nice to hear from you again! Hope you had a pleasant break! I know you mentioned you were off with her Majesty somewhere fun.
I’ve never been much for meditation, which is perhaps why I like the mental holiday of a play session. Much easier to get into the right headspace with someone else in charge :). Definitely can relate to the idea of getting lost in a piece of music. That’s very much an in the moment kind of thing.
Hope you’re keeping well.
-paltego