Broadening Interests

I had an interesting comment left by Tiny Monster on my post about porn escalation. He said his porn had generally de-escalated in terms of nudity and extremeness of activities. The fantasy works a lot better for him if there’s less context and it’s therefore easier to add your own.

I’m very much onboard with this. I wouldn’t say I’ve purely de-escalated the content I like – I still like a bunch of extreme activities – but my interests have gotten a lot broader. I’d much rather see a slightly suggestive clothed image that I can project into rather than a regular run-of-the-mill porn shot.

I suspect the enormous number of captioned femdom images floating around have had a role to play in this. I don’t write captions myself, but when I see an image like the one below, I do start thinking in those terms. Is this a cuckold shot and she’s checking her outfit before heading out on date? Or maybe it’s a report in on your household chores? Maybe it’s both. She’s giving instructions on your household duties while she’s out for dinner with a very special friend. Just make sure there are fresh sheets on the bed and you’re in the guestroom when they return.

It’s a lot easier to spin your preferred fantasy – whatever that may be – with an ambiguous image like than it is with something like this.

 

Chasing Not Catching

Like a lot of people, I enjoy regular, vanilla sex. It’s undeniably fun and pleasurable. Yet, it’s never as much fun as an intense kinky scene. I’d rather be fucked up than fuck. Occasionally, when booking up pro-domme sessions I’ll contemplate the idea of finding someone just for regular PIV sex. My social media feeds have any number of hot escorts in them. However, I never do it, as I know I’ll just end up wishing I’d stuck to pain over pleasure.

This preference is probably not too surprising. I run a femdom blog after all. However, what I do find odd is how much I like playing with tease and denial, or implied chastity/cuckold dynamics. They’re all based on the desirability of sex, the thing I don’t bother arranging. I’m turned on by the idea of not getting the thing that I don’t actually want.

I guess I’m a bit like a dog chasing a car. The fun is all in the chase. Catching it would spoil the game.

This gentleman seems to be safely packaged up and unlikely to be spoiling things with sex anytime soon. I found it via tumblr but it’s from Mrs Steelwerks.

Pop

This artwork is from an artist I’ve featured before – Mad Tomy. He posted this to his Twitter feed.

I’m featuring it here because I think it’s very sexy and manages to pack a lot of fun stuff into a single image. There’s obviously the threat of ballbusting and CBT, given the set-up. That’s coupled with a nice humiliation and objectification element. She might slam you in the balls, but that’s not going to distract her from texting her friends. Finally, there’s the foot fetish element, with the very obviously dirty sole.

It’s funny but feet in general don’t do much for me. But make them dirty and sweaty and suddenly they’re kind of hot. I guess that’s less a foot fetish and more a scent and oral fixation.

If you like this then you can find more at Mad Tomy’s site.

More Scene Fails

While I’m on the subject of scenes gone terribly wrong – as I just was – the OnlyFans model who killed a man last year has just been sentenced. I covered the original story back in March ’25 in this post. He suffocated to death while she was filming content. The entire scene seemed like a bunch of bad decisions by everyone involved and the woman has just been sentenced to 4 years for involuntary manslaughter.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that real prison time is one of my hard limits. I’ll add it alongside hoods, scat and punishment dynamics as things to avoid in or after a session. I know the internet has lot of depictions of sexy prison wardens in tight outfits, but I can’t help feeling it might not be as fun as they make it look.

I believe this is by the artist Stig.

Don’t Do Drugs

Medical play can be a lot of fun but it’s important to never forget the ‘play’ part. Making it too realistic can have deadly consequences as this story from  Munich highlights.

Two professional dominatrices are currently facing trial at the Berlin Regional Court after a client died during a session at a BDSM studio in Charlottenburg. The incident, which occurred in April 2024, involves allegations of administering a local anesthetic that ultimately resulted in the man’s death.

The drug in question was Novocain aka Procaine. That’s typically what the dentist will give you to numb a tooth. It’s unclear from the article what exactly happened but – according to Wikipedia – an overdose can result in respiratory failure or cardiac arrest. Quite the price to pay to satisfy a kink.

If you’re going to inject anything, stick to a medical saline solution.  And ideally do it with a domme who has some medical training.

Artwork is by the artist Coax (aka Alvaro Muñoz) whose primary site for kinky art can be found here.

The Unifier

Femdom lovers are a varied bunch. We all have our own kinks, preferences and hot button activities. There’s no such things as a standard kinky person.

However, in many years of Femdom blogging, I have discover one unifying element. The common thread that seems close to universal. That’s a fondness for Catwoman. For some she’s a formative character. For others, just a fun, sexy mainstream representation of a dominant woman. Either way, it’s hard to find a submissive who doesn’t have a fondness for at least one of the interpreters of the character over the last 60 or so years.

This all came to mind thanks to this entertaining interview with Julie Newmar. She was the first actress to play the character and is arguably still the benchmark.

Newmar made the character her own, setting the template for a long line of successors, from Eartha Kitt to Michelle Pfeiffer and Anne Hathaway. Her dancer’s experience helped with the feline mannerisms: “I adopted two cats in order to watch their physical behaviour.” She even made her own adjustments to the costume, lowering the belt to the hips to accentuate her waist and taking it in until “it was like liquorice poured over the body; it fit that well.”

She clearly knew what she was doing, because that dropped belt was a lovely touch. While Anne Hathaway and Michelle Pfeiffer may have had more overly fetishistic outfits, it’s hard to beat the sensuality and playfulness Julie brought to the role.

Lady Phoenix

I’m safely back in Seattle after my UK trip. Hopefully, slightly more regular posting will now resume.

Before I left I was lucky enough to play with Lady Phoenix in her London space. That proved to be a fabulous way to round off my trip. We indulged in some electrical play, sounding, CBT, watersports and a lot of tease/denial and edging. Combining those activities with a really talented and lovely domme is guaranteed to send me home with a smile on my face.

Thanks to limited time in London I’d done a session just two days earlier with Mistress Miranda (as covered in my previous post). Scheduling sessions so closely together is always a risk because of the short recovery time. Delicate areas are sometimes still in their recovery phase. I think my nipples were described as ‘crusty’ which is  a never an expression you want associated with an erogenous zone! Fortunately, Lady Phoenix worked with the slightly bruised goods I was presenting and judged the intensity of our play beautifully.

If you’re in the London area and interested in sessions, then I’d definitely suggest seeking Lady Phoenix out. She has a great central London space and it was a lot of fun to connect and play with her.

This image of Lady Phoenix is from her Bluesky feed. You can find all her other links here.

Bondage Thoughts

Apologies for the lack of recent activity. I’ve been having a lot of fun doing sessions in London. Between those and visiting fancy restaurants it hasn’t left a lot of time for blogging.

On Saturday I was fortunate enough to play with Mistress Miranda at her Bondage Laboratory. We snapped many photographs which I haven’t yet had time to sort through. I’ll therefore do a more detailed write up in a later post when I’m back in Seattle. In the meantime I thought I’d share a thought on bondage that the session triggered.

It’s never occurred to me before but I think there are really two types of bondage: Reaction control and body control.

Reaction control is the sort of bondage most BDSM play features. It’s cuffing hands out of the way, fixing feet to a St. Andrews cross, tying someone spread eagle on a bed, etc. It’s the type of bondage you can forget about when other things are going on. I call it reaction control because it’s mostly about stopping reactions like pulling away or covering yourself. It’s enough to keep the body exposed and vulnerable but that’s all.

In contrast, body control is the kind of heavy bondage which seeks to immobilize all parts of the body. It’s bondage that uses multiple layers and techniques to lock things down. Think of straightjackets combined with straps, padlocks, ropes, harnesses and gags. You’re always aware of bondage that controls the body this way, no matter what other sensations you’re experiencing.

You could argue that’s this distinction is really just a matter of degrees. Bondage severity definitely exists on a continuum. However, I think there’s a distinction in intention and effect. Reaction control bondage is a precursor to the main event. Setting it up feels like a step to establishing a scene, rather than the scene itself. Body control bondage is the main event. It’s deeply arousing even before anything else has happened.

For example, take the shot below. This was the first set-up Mistress Miranda used in our recent session. There’s a body harness suspending me, a spreader bar on my ankles and stiff armbinders with mittens which are wrapped with straps and attached with rope to the spreader bar. There’s also a head harness which immobilizes the head and a gag. Layering all those components and feeling my body get locked into position got me into subspace very quickly. Even if the scene had stopped with the bondage, it still would have felt amazing. The various torments and pleasures that got added after the bondage were thus a very happy bonus rather than the main event.

Back in the Big Smoke

After doing a lot of family stuff over last couple of weeks, I’m finally back in London with a decadent weekend ahead. I’ve been reading a lot of bondage fiction recently, so planning to lean into that kink over a couple of sessions. Should be an uncomfortably fun time.

While I’m not planning on any inverted suspension scenes, I did like this image. It’s a little old fashioned in style – I’m guessing it’s from the 90’s – but the combination of simplicity and extremes is appealing.

Escalation

Ariel Anderessen has a new substack article up on the subject of pornographic escalation. That’s the highly dubious theory that consumers of porn get bored with their initial sexual interests and seek out harder and harder material. So you might start out with furtive glances at the Sear’s catalogue lingerie section but you’ll ultimately end up masturbating furiously to snuff videos from the dark web.

Ariel gives this theory a good kicking and she’s right to do so. It seems like  a bunch of nonsense from the anti-porn crowd. However, while I agree with everything she says, I think there’s an interesting angle she didn’t cover – evolution of fantasy.

Some people are pretty fixed in their kinks. They liked spanking as a teenager, they like spanking in their 60’s. That’s simply their thing. For others fantasy and interests can evolve over time. I think that’s particularly true when your fundamental kink is an underlying emotion or dynamic rather than a specific act or appearance.

For example, I think one of my main kinks is control. That manifests itself in different ways. The original kinky porn I saw featured bondage and corporal punishment, so that became a means of control that I looked for and fantasized about. Over time I encountered different ways you can play with control and that expanded my interests. Today I think that both cuckolding and toilet play are hot, but they weren’t even on my radar 20 years ago. A casual observer might see that as escalation due to porn. In reality my underlying interest hasn’t changed, it has just found new ways to surface.

I also think that fantasy and pornography tends to exist at the border between what you can do and what you can imagine. If you start exploring your kinks and playing out fantasies in real life, then the porn and erotica you desire tend to shift to the edge of that. For example, I still love bondage and still fantasize about it. But now I do regularly get tied up, the erotica I like tends to shift towards heavier and more extreme bondage (like this story). That might look like pornographic escalation, but it’s not porn that’s caused that. It’s the fact I want my fantasy world to exist slightly ahead of my real life world.

This is a shot of Ariel from her social media feeds. You can find more of her writing on her substack. She’s primarily a sub, but for those who like all types of kink you can find links to her work here.  She also has a memoir out.