Money, Money, Money

Mistress Blunt has written a long and interesting article on the dynamics of long term findom relationships. You can find it here.

The common manifestation of findom – drains, cash meets, pay pigs, etc. – leaves me cold. I can intellectually get why someone might be into that, but it does nothing for me emotionally. Reading Mistress Blunt’s article was the first time the dynamic has really clicked for me as an erotic thing to do.

In practice, this dynamic can mean daily tribute requirements. Or it can mean you report your income to me. Or it can mean I approve of any discretionary spending. It can mean a legally drafted financial contract. It always means that the dynamic does not end when the session does, because there is no session. There is only your relationship with me, beneath me.

I kink on control and that level of control is undoubtedly hot. However, reading it also left me uncomfortable and with a slight sense of ickiness. It took me a while to figure out why.

It’s definitely not because I think Mistress Blunt is doing anything wrong or unethical. Far from it. She clearly puts a lot of thought into her relationships.

I think it’s due to how I connect money with independence and therefore consent. I need to be independent for consent to be meaningful. If I can’t easily walk away then I can’t withdraw it. And my ability to walk away – from anything, not just relationships – is anchored in my control over my money. I grew up with very little and I treasure the independence having it now gives me.

Of course, that connection with control and dependency is why I found her description of the dynamic so hot. I’m sure it’s also why others engage in it. I’m just not sure I could ever let go in that way.

This shot of Mistress Blunt is from her Bluesky feed. You can find her professional site here.

Window Paddling

This isn’t exactly a conventional corporal punishment shot, but it’s very sexy all the same. He’s tied against a window, so there’s an element of exhibitionism and public humiliation here. Her attractive but casual clothes and natural pose also give the impression of an ongoing dynamic rather than specific isolated scene. She’s just giving her boy his usual nightly punishment, in full view of the neighborhood.

I sourced this via the Miss Strict tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it. The reverse image search engines are so crap these days it’s almost impossible to get a useful source link from them.

Top Tip

I’ve written in the past about the challenges adult content creators face. I’ve also frequently encouraged readers to contribute to content creators in a meaningful way (i.e. cold hard cash). Today I’m going to offer a possible way to achieve that without breaking the bank.

I’ve been subscribed to a bunch of mainstream streaming services for years. Pretty much all the major ones. About a month ago I went through them and cancelled all the ones I wasn’t regularly using. Kept just a couple. I then committed to subscribe to kinky artists and content creators for the equivalent amount I’d saved. So far it has turned out to be a great decision.

I feel happy to not be sending money to huge amoral corporations. I’m equally happy to be sending money to artists I like. My bank balance is no worse off. And now, rather than endless shows I’ll never watch, I get regular emails about new kinky art I can enjoy. It’s a win-win-win.

One artist I subscribed to was Formant. I wouldn’t recommend him if you’re strictly a F/m fan. A lot of his work is F/f and M/f, with just some F/m. However, if like me you’re happy with a kinky mix in your art, then he’s a great choice. New work is published very regularly (pretty much daily) and it’s all of an equally high quality. Much more fun than any of the streaming services I killed.

This artwork by Formant is part of a series. He shared this example for free on social media and the rest are available on his Subscribe Star feed.

Red Rump Returns!

A couple of years back I did a few posts on Femdom artists who didn’t seem to be active anymore. One of those was Red Rump, a specialist in spanking art. He posted some great artwork in 2011 through 2015 and then went quiet.

I’m very happy to say he’s back and posting images again! Sadly, he’s posting them on Twitter, but I’ll take whatever I can get. Check him out if you’re into spanking. His art art has a lot of energy and playfulness to go along with the kink.

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

I’m beginning to suspect that the creator of the comic SMBC (aka Saturday Morning Breakfast Serial) has a bit of a kinky side. I base this purely on the number of examples of his work that I’ve found suitable to feature here.

The latest example is below. If you look at the hover text on the original site’s posting it says he once joked about this on old Twitter and a domme said she’d done in plenty of times. I’m not surprised by that. Kneeling on nasty things is a time honored punishment. Lego just adds a whimsical touch.

Personally, I’d rather take a heavy beating over kneeling torture. The very small number of times I’ve been forced to kneel on rice or similarly painful surfaces, I’ve had to safeword within a minute or two. I almost fainted on one occasion. Guess I just have particularly bony knees.

I Want Your Sex (again)

I’m going to risk repeating myself here. I blogged about the new Greg Araki movie – I Want Your Sex – back in January when it was doing the festival circuit. There wasn’t a trailer for it back then and the reviews were mixed.

It’s now on general release. There are a bunch of positive reviews for it. And there is a trailer which makes it look both funny and pretty damn kinky. I’m now actually excited to see it.

The Guardian has a recent interview with Araki on the film, where he reveals it was originally written as a male boss dominating his female intern. That was back in 2014. Fortunately for us, he decided to flip it around.

I have seen some comments online saying that it’s a shame to have a domme being portrayed as consent violating and abusive. I do get that, but I suspect in this kind of comedy everyone is going to be portrayed with some major character flaws. Sane, safe and sensible make for great scenes but not great drama.

Olivia Wilde in a scene from ‘I Want Your Sex’.

Authenticity

Ivy Harte has published a short substack article on authenticity in pro-domme sessions – Have We Mistaken Unpaid for Authentic? I think it makes a nice company piece to the article on BDSM myths from Lady Vesper I featured last week. Money was actually featured in the last myth there, but I think Ivy Harte offers a slightly different take on the topic.

People sometimes imagine that authenticity and intention exist at opposite ends of a spectrum, as though something carefully crafted must somehow be less real. I don’t think that’s true. We don’t assume a conversation with a therapist is somehow less meaningful because money changed hands.

I’ve riffed before on this topic. There’s a conflation of money with power, where really it should be linked with consent and capacity. Contributing money creates the space and time to play, it doesn’t create power over the play.

When I’m getting pierced by a domme those are authentic needles. It’s not fake blood that comes out. Impact play give authentic bruises. I’m not pretending to be tied down and faking those screams. Nor are there real and fake version of subspace.

People have no trouble untangling money and power in other areas. Buying a theater ticket doesn’t give me the power to direct the play. I could hire a band for a party, and make song suggestions, but I don’t get to control how they play or suggest new lyrics. Only when I comes to BDSM do people get hung up on the idea that money equals power equals control.

This is Goddess Ivy in a shot sourced from her Bluesky feed.

Poised Pose by Pillar

This is one of those images where, as soon as I saw it, I knew I wanted to feature it in a post.

Madam M look as fabulous as she always does. Calm and collected. I also love her chair. That’s a very sexy piece of furniture. Finally, there’s those bound disembodied hands, with the warm organic rope and the hard industrial pillar. There’s a man hidden there somewhere, but he’s simultaneously in the foreground of the shot and also totally absent from it. Beautifully done.

Originally posted here to Madam M’s Bluesky feed. You can find her Loyal Fans here.

Myths

Lady Vesper posted a twitter article on the 6 BDSM myths that make her furious. I think they’re a pretty good set. You read the article for her reasoning but the myths themselves are as follows…

  1. The submissive has all the power because they can stop the scene at any time.
  2. The submissive allows the Dominant to dominate them.
  3. The submissive is the vulnerable one (partly true).
  4. The Dominant is responsible for the submissive’s mental state.
  5. Dominants don’t need safe-words or aftercare.
  6. Money makes real BDSM impure.

The first one here is one of my personal bugbears. I frequently see it quoted online, often by people talking about BDSM to a non-BDSM crowd. I think they believe it makes them sound clever, with special insider knowledge of the dynamic. Ooh, what a clever subversion of expectations!

In reality it’s a nonsense statement. As Lady Vesper points out, it mixes up the concepts of power and consent. Anyone can say no and walk away from the scene at any time. That’s not the same as having the power to direct and control the scene.

I find it particularly annoying because it plays into the idea that dominants are simply fetish dispensers, going through the motions of a scene at the behest of the submissive. It diminishes the agency and desires of the domme, which is really the opposite of what femdom should be about.

This shot of Lady Vesper is from her Twitter feed. You can find links to her Fan sites and Substack here.