The first image below is floating around on a number of femdom tumblr’s, having started life (AFAIK) on maymay’s Submissive Secrets. I can’t argue with the surface level sentiment *. The left image is far more aesthetically and erotically pleasing, and I’d definitely prefer it as a representation of femdom than the one on the right. However, contrarian that I am, I can’t help feeling the urge to dig a little below the surface and maybe quibble with some of the subtext.
In picking that particular right hand image I feel the creator ‘cheated’ somewhat. I’m sure Lady Joanne is a wonderful woman (you can see her site here) but that photograph certainly doesn’t do her any favors. That costume is a horrible cliche, her makeup extreme and the activity depicted lacks any chemistry. However, I’m sure the creators goal wasn’t simply to highlight a single bad photograph. After all, there is an endless supply of bad porn photographs of all types. The contrast being made here is something more that qualitative. The left shot very obviously lacks any traditional fetishwear or kinky props. There’s no clearly defined activity, just a sexy shot of woman pushing the man back in a forceful way. So surely you could change the right shot for a ‘better’ kink heavy photograph, without changing the basic message?
Lets say, for example, we changed the right photograph for one of those I’ve included below (click to enlarge). I picked these fairly randomly from a large collection of similar ‘men in pain‘ shots. They all show various fetish outfits, traditional BDSM props and more extreme activities. They’re certainly not my favorite femdom shots, but there’s at least a few elements in all of them I find appealing. I like the intensity, the drama and the physical manifestation of the control.
So if one of these images had been used on the right, what difference would it make? It really shouldn’t change the basic message, right? Yet somehow, I think it does. With one of these on the right I don’t think I’d care which of the images came to mind of our generic Miss X. On one hand it’s sexy fun D/s and on the other it’s intense sensation D/s. I’d definitely prefer she didn’t freak out and treat me like a weirdo, but anyone who did that probably was never going to end up on my Christmas card list anyway. I’m proud of some of the crazy stuff I’ve done. It’s not always necessary, but it is enjoyable.
All the commonly depicted BDSM accoutrements – ropes, whips, cuffs, pegs, needles, boots, corsets, buckets of soapy frogs – are just tools. Ways to mediate and amplify power exchange. They often incorrectly get put to center stage in porn. Yet this misuse doesn’t mean they’re not still useful (and fun) tools. They weren’t specially selected by a secret committee in an effort to make kinky people look silly. So lets not throw the baby out with the bathwater. I’d like people to think of femdom and think of a women taking control and having hot forceful sex exactly the way she wants it. I’d also like people to think of it and picture a woman skillfully suspending a guy with many feet of rope and then whipping him (and her) happy with a single tail.
