Several times in the past I’ve got involved in on-line arguments over what constitutes a dominant act. My view has always been that almost anything can be a dominant act. Context is king. The opposing view has been that sexual activities like handjobs or blowjobs cannot be a dominant act. They are always inherently a submissive act.
This opposing viewpoint is one advanced by some pro-dommes, and I do get where they’re coming from. They have to navigate a bunch of legal and personal boundaries, and set expectations for their clients. It’s much easier for them if the set of things globally recognized as dominant acts is equal to the set of things the majority of pro-dommes offer. That removes uncertainty and shifts the discussion from personal limits to external predefined cultural limits. But while I understand the desire to do this, I don’t agree with the definition. A dominant act is whatever a dominant chooses to do in each unique situation.
The lady below might be kneeling to give him a blowjob, but I don’t think there’s any question who’s in charge. I think it was particularly nice of her to bring her big knife in case he uses his safeword and she has to cut him free. Being able to free a bound partner quickly is all part of safe, sane and consensual kink!
The image is by the artist Paolo Eleuteri Serpieri and is from his Druuna series. You can find more images at the official homepage.
I very much agree with your view. I’ve long been disturbed by the one dimensional thinking of sexual activities and dominance. Of course it can be a dominant act. Just think of rape play. Even though a blowjob is more focused (sexually) on the receiving end than ordinary sex (think rape play), it can very much be done against the persons will while being tied up for example. Ridiculous to see it any other way!
I’m with you! Whatever the act may be… I’m still the one in charge and directing where we go. Love this post and image!!!!!
I’ve been meaning for awhile to blog about how activities are not dominant or submissive – it’s the mindset and motivations and intent behind the action that determines “D” or “s”. I’ve already ranted about the myth that dominant women shouldn’t give blowjobs, shouldn’t have sex in the missionary position, or just shouldn’t have sex at all. My response to all of that was “Bullshit.”
As to the ProDomme slant – don’t provide ANY sexual services, and problem solved! š
(Personally, anytime someone’s genitals are touched with a hand, mouth, or other genitals with the intent to sexually excite someone up to or resulting in orgasm, that’s prostitution, which I refuse to lump in with “ProDomme” as there is nothing that says domination = sex).
– Femi
Hi paltego,
It’s funny that you bring up the subject of mindset as distinct from behaviors. Em brought this up in her recent post kind of in reverse. She feels comfortable, if a little out of character, submitting somewhat to Darius. Comfortable may be an understatement as she has told me that she actually enjoys it and, since it’s her choice to submit in a limited way, she doesn’t see any reason why she shouldn’t. It’s that recurrent appetite for labeling ourselves and therefore feeling the need to limit ourselves that can get in the way of expanding our horizons or simply enjoying life.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
“sexual activities like handjobs or blowjobs cannot be a dominant act. They are always inherently a submissive act.”
This, of course, is hilarious. In any other context, it would be seen as blatantly sexist. Anyone doubting this is encouraged to walk into a women’s studies course and say, “When a woman engages in sexual activity with a man, she is inherently submitting to his domination.”
On the upside, you’ll probably be treated to a free beat down from about 50 angry women. Can’t guarantee that you’ll much enjoy it, though!
I can safely say I’ve never felt dominant when a woman had my cock in her hand or mouth, so I find the whole “Women can’t be dominant during sex” argument doesn’t hold water.