I was chatting to a vanilla friend about kink recently. Nothing to explicit. Just a very general discussion about the psychological and emotional elements of it. She’s not kinky but is a pretty experienced and well rounded person. So I was surprised to hear her suggest that obviously my kinky interests would replace any interest I had in PIV sex. Apparently in her mind once someone started down the slope of rope, leather and whips, they were forever lost to the world of regular intercourse.
I was initially kind of shocked by this. I see my kinky interests expanding my horizons, not limiting them. I love a good regular fuck as much as the next non-kinky guy. Why would one pleasure replace another? However, in hindsight I can kind of see where she was coming from. The mainstream representation of kink normally features people with serious hang-ups and highly specific interests. Fetishists and sadomasochists are often portrayed as constantly pushing their limits, interested only in seeking their next big rush. Even the original definition of masochism, by Krafft-Ebing, defined it as a replacement of normal sexual life.
By this perversion his sexual instinct is often made more or less insensible to the normal charms of the opposite sex – incapable of a normal sexual life – psychically impotent.
Krafft-Ebing from Psychopath Sexualize, 1876
In reality I suspect that the percentage of kinky people who have no interest in regular sex is very small. When I mentioned this topic to Lydia she guest-imated that number at 5% of kinky people. I think that number would come as a big surprise to a lot of vanilla folks.
Of course it’s possible I haven’t just had the right mind-blowing kinky experience yet. Would a FMM threesome be the thing to push me onto a slippery slope of depravity I can never return from? I feel it’s my duty to investigate further. While I do so, I’ll leave you to enjoy this threesome image found on the Selina Minx tumblr.
Hi, Paltego!
This is a topic I’ve given a lot of thought to, personally…
In my job as a professional sadomasochist, I have met many fetishists (I tend to think of them as “true fetishists”) whose obsession with their fetish is so identified with their sexuality that they either can’t orgasm without it, or would prefer not to orgasm without it. I call them “true fetishists” because they are usually not “all-around kinky” or interested in a number of different kinks.
These individuals usually have a very specific aesthetic or fetish–shoes are common, and not just any shoe, but , say, patent leather red pumps with very high heels. Or feet with a certain color of nail polish. Or the mistress had to be wearing a very specific outfit–one guy insisted on an equestrian outfit with specific details.
“True fetishists” are definitely a minority of clients I meet, but IMO, they are not rare.
Moving on…the idea of kink as a “slippery slope”…
I’ve found that, FOR MYSELF, that is exactly what it has been. My kink and kinky fantasies have definitely grown in severity and intensity as I’ve become more experienced. In particular, I enjoy levels and varieties of pain now that I never could have entertained when I was 20 years old. I’m not saying that this is a bad thing, either, because the fact is that I like what I like…but my experience with BDSM has changed my sexuality.
I enjoy vanilla sex and I can orgasm from it, THANK GOD, but it’s not what I fantasize about…and honestly, it’s not what I ever fantasized about much, even when I was a virgin adolescent. Curious, isn’t it…? I find that really fascinating. I was fantasizing about violence and control in my earliest conscious sexual fantasies. I don’t know how unusual this makes me amongst other kinky people. A lot of people’s kinks seem to come from their early childhood. I know mine did.
Just food for thought. This is a great topic for a blog post.
Miss Margo
P.S. Sorry I haven’t been commenting here much recently–I had a rough month and I’m only just now getting back to normal. I do enjoy your blog and check in often.
P.P.S. FMM threesomes are AWESOME and I heartily recommend that you try it out! I’ve only done it a few times, but I had a ton of fun and I’m so glad that I took the plunge and tried it. I found the guys on Craigslist…I really lucked out there.