The relative proportions of dominants to submissives, and the splits along the gender lines, are a well debated topic. Not only are the ratios for active kinksters up for question, but there’s also the issue of how many potential kinky people there are, or even what the percentages would look like if society was less screwed up. It’s a topic I’ve commented on in the past.
It’s also a topic that’s horribly lacking in hard data, and I’m afraid I’m not about to fix that problem. However, I did do a small experiment recently that’s related and I thought kind of interesting. The methodology was pretty simple. I went to the CollarMe site, randomly looked at profiles (with the widest possible selection criteria), and counted the proportions I saw. It actually started as some random browing over a coffee, but after a few minutes I got curious about what I was seeing, and started a tally chart. To keep it simple I just counted straight singles who didn’t switch.
The end results, before I got bored counting, were: Male Dominants = 40. Female Submissives = 22. Male Submissives = 23. Female Dominants = 7. Of those 7 female dominants, the number who were pro-dommes = 6. Leaving me with a grand total of 1 non-professional female dominant.
Now that doesn’t tell us anything about the ratios in the real world. It’s just a small sample of the people who choose to advertise on a particular site. But I was interested in how accurately it matched my intuition of what the numbers would be. I expected male dominants to be the largest group, submissives to be fairly evenly split along gender lines, and female dominants to be rare. I just wasn’t expecting them to be that rare. The contrast of 40:1 across the gender divide is striking.
I have to admit it wasn’t always easy to differentiate the professionals from the lifestyle ads. A couple of what I classified as professional ads didn’t mention payment. However, when I see numerous well lit/composed photographs of an attractive lady modelling several different exciting leather outfits, the cynic in me tends to assume she’s a pro. The non-professional dominants are normally dealing with enough dick pic shots as it is, they don’t need to encourage the hairy knuckle brigade.
While I’m on the subject of exciting leather outfits modeled by professionals – and as an aside let’s just admit I’m a genius at subtle segues to my post images – here’s Dominatrix Ella Kros in a rather striking black ensemble.
If you’re in either Tel-Aviv or London and would like to session with Ella Kros then her contact page is here.
Some pro dommes advertise on Collarme for non clients. I met a domme on there who became a non professional play partner. So the pro domme aspect may be a bit skewed in that regard.
Echoing what Aslavetolatex said, many of the dommes I work with use CollarMe to date and to attract clientele. One woman I know met her sub husband there, and her profile was professional.
I’ve used CollarMe for both purposes in the past, and I dunno, maybe I ran out of steam too fast, but I didn’t meet ANYONE worthwhile there. Oh god it was depressing.
Hey–since you’re a man, and therefore understand the motivations of all other men (sarcasm), can you explain to me WHY men send unsolicited cock shots?
Why? Why? Cause I’ve talked about this with other women, and I don’t know anyone who likes to get them unsolicited. Why do men send them? It seems almost violent to me, like exposing oneself on the subway.
In answer to your question…
Because the erect penis, or phallus is not just an anatomical appendage. It’s a social construct, a powerful signifier of male sexuality and ‘masculinity’.
In other words, it’s part of the cultural pollution that patriarchy emits 24/7.
Who in their right minds would want to be defined in such a one-dimensional way?
If you look at this merely as a question of statistics and the law of supply and demand it gets pretty depressing.
Maybe we need to think outside the box. In my (admittedly limited) experience, there are many women out there who have strong, dominant personalities. They just refuse to take it into the bedroom with them.
Maybe the reason for this is that so much that exists in the BDSM world is an agenda that’s set by men, in the sense that men don’t really ask women *how* they want to do BDSM. They just come to the table with a bagful of ‘needs’ or ‘entitlements’ and expect the woman to comply, whether she’s dom or sub.
It’s classic patriarchal oppression.
This is a good way to get a woman’s back up and cause her to be counter-suggestive.
Look at the femdom blogs. How many times do you see genuinely dominant women moaning like hell because ‘submissive’ men approach them in completely inappropriate ways, seemingly igornat of the ordinary rules of politeness, let alone a frame of reference that any self-respecting feminist would give tuppence for?
I want to give this comment a standing ovation.
I think women are more likely to identify as switches in situations where men are more likely to identify one way or the other. For example, my Fetlife profile says I’m a switch, even though I’m mostly dominant. I haven’t changed it yet because I’m still working out where I am with all this, but I suspect men are more likely to start out clearly defining as one thing and then mitigate it, whereas women might be more likely to hedge their bets at first. I mean, we all know there *are* fewer dominant women out there, but it’s also a question of self-identification.