Pigeonholing (sadly not a kinky technique)

I want to follow up yesterday’s post with a further point about variety in the sexual realm. Although it’s more of an observation on the perception of kink than a specific point.

In non-sexual situations everyone implicitly understands that what you enjoy is situational and variable. Sometimes I want a sandwich, other times I want a fancy meal with matching wines. Tonight I’m watching a moody existential French thriller, tomorrow I’ll catch up on my political comedy via some Colbert Report episodes. Nobody assumes that liking one thing precludes liking other things.

Yet in the sexual realm that assumption crops up all the time. If you like men you can’t like women. If you’re kinky you can’t enjoy conventional foreplay and sex. If you’re dominant you can’t enjoy giving oral sex. If you enjoy pain you can’t enjoy cuddling. Stating a sexual preference often seems to pigeonhole people in a way that other preferences don’t. I’ve been shocked by how many people assume that because I’m a male submissive that I always need a leather clad whip wielding dominatrix to get off.

Admittedly there are people out there who only respond to their very specific fetish. If the only way you can orgasm is by dressing as a penguin and having a large blonde lady in a viking outfit throws herring at your head, well you have my sympathies. But I suspect you’re in a minority, and not just because of that particular fetish. I think for most kinky people, their kinks expand their interests and options, not confine them. And that’s probably a fact we should talk more about. Doing so might encourage people to explore their sexual interests and not fear that they’re heading down a path of depravity that’ll ruin their lives and existing relationships.

I thought this image of some simple kissing and biting made a nice contrast to yesterday’s complex scene. I found this on the Fucking Cuddle tumblr.