The New York Magazine has published a new article on rimming entitled ‘Warning: A Column on Butt Play’. I’m not quite sure what the ‘warning’ part of the title is for. Given the highly descriptive second part of the title, and the photograph of naked butts that accompanies it, that would seem to be warning enough.
I was a little surprised to see an article on anilingus in a mainstream publication. I was really amazed (and pleased) to discover that it also referenced cock and ball torture. And not only referenced it, but did so in a very casual off-hand fashion…
“It’s like the guy who asks you to hold his balls and then is like, ‘Maybe squeeze a little, maybe? … Harder, maybe? … Harder! Harder! Harder!’ Until suddenly you’re like, ‘Wait, you’re totally into cock-and-ball torture.’ You really want me to stomp on your nuts; you just don’t know how to ask.’ ”
Unfortunately the article finishes with some silly logic about the dominant or submissive characteristic of specific sexual acts. These kind of assumptions always annoy me. Giving a blowjob or rimming someone (or PIV or pegging or whatever) can be submissive, dominant or just sexy fun times. It depends on the context, the people involved and their dynamic. Who and what gets licked, nibbled or sucked is kind of irrelevant.
I agree with your take, this whole “act X is submissive, act Y is dominant” – well, I might feel that way and you might, but to expect that everybody feels this way is a bit “One True Way” stuff.
A few years ago I looked after a friend who just needed help due to a pretty life-changing surgery and a long recovery period. Somebody told me that I’m acting like a sub. Once I stopped laughing, I could only say “So D-types aren’t allowed to be human?”
I’m not sure if that comment about acting like a sub is amusing or depressing. Reminds me of the converse situations where submissives with a mind and opinion of their own are told they’re not ‘real’ submissives.
Making certain assumptions about acts always strikes me as very presumptuous. It’s fine to have preconceptions or fixed ideas about something, but don’t assume everyone else goes along with them! One true way indeed.
-paltego
I found the comment very amusing, especially since it came from a “domme” who was relatively new and had very fixed idea about how things “ought to be”.
I mean wouldn’t it be odd if a sexual preferences or wiring would make us a certain way, like always right, always fearless, always in control, never down…
Btw have you seen Phil’s rant about not being a true sub?
http://unbrokenchain2014.blogspot.co.uk/2014/04/i-am-not-twue-submissive-and-i-like-it.html
Made me laugh because a month before I had a rant about not being a twue and weal Domme after receiving a ton of mails that a twue and weal Domme wouldn’t volunteer for charities, and I can’t be a sadist as I’m too nice. There’s such a world of difference between being a sadist and an abuser, or being a real person who doesn’t buy into stereotypes. After 2 glasses of wine I just decided to let it fly and told people to eff off, I was fairly blunt but hell, did it feel good!
http://exdomme.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/not-real-domme-wtf-does-that-mean.html
Ah, youthful inexperience. Always a tricky one. That’s when you don’t know what you don’t know :).
I have read Phil’s rant on true submission (along with your blunt post!) I like his writing a lot, so he’ll be on my blogroll the next time I do a site update.
-paltego