The only reason this post exists is so I can use that most excellent title. It’s stolen from this very amusing post by the Girl on the Net mocking a Marie Claire article. Apparently real women have certain pre-sex rituals. So if you’re a man sleeping with a woman, it’s probably worth checking the article to make sure you haven’t been fobbed off with a facsimile of a real woman. If you’re a woman reading this, then I’d suggest avoiding the article all together. Otherwise you risk being thrown into the kind of metaphysical crisis the Girl on the Net alludes to.
Real women shave their bikini lines, and simultaneously do not shave their bikini lines, like Schroedinger’s muff.
Cats are one thing, but nobody wants to be messing around with quantum waveforms in the genital region.
The image above is from the Submissive Cuckolds site. In this case I’m not sure the muff is actually being observed, but it’s certainly being interacted with. I think from a philosophical perspective that collapse the superposition of states and doesn’t result in a quantum mechanical paradox. I’m sure her boyfriend on the other end of the phone will be relieved to hear that.
In the future, quantum sex toys will be massively parallel. A regular dildo can only be in one person at a time. But a quantum dildo could do everyone in the world simultaneously.
D-Wave’s sex toy division is hard at work to usher in this new reality.
Let”s hope that STDs never evolve to a quantum stage. Otherwise we’ll need some pretty hardcore protection for these parallel devices 🙂
-paltego
We can’t wait till those gadgets hit the market.
Much better than my Schrödinger Lady Bits that keep surprising me every time I drop my panties 😉
Genitals generally seem to operate on the uncertainty principle. Never quite sure what they’re going to do or how they’re going to respond. 🙂
-paltego
Titia and I found this:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.UW_GI.qncQuantumCats&hl=en
We recommend it to all pussy owners, pussy lovers and pussy users who’ve really had it with angry birds.
Funny! It was very tempting to work in a bunch of pussy jokes into the post, but I really didn’t have the time to exploit the full potential of the cat line 🙂
-paltego
Yes, quantum physics can affect our lives more than we might think. I often find myself in an indeterminate state between “having done the housework adequately” and “being caned”. It is not until a Significant Observer is able to observe the state of the house and make a judgement that this indeterminacy is resolved.
I thought of writing a short paper on it for some physics journal or other, but there’s all this ironing to do.
Well on the plus side, if you are obeying the uncertainty principle, that presumably means that your significant observer can either tell where you are or how fast you’re going, but not both at once.
On the minus side, if she’s still hitting you with the cane, that suggests a good approximation is all she really needs.
-paltego