Here’s my final post (for the moment) on the topic of public play.
One hard and bright line that’s often invoked is based on the idea of consent. Involving random strangers in your play without their consent is clearly violating some pretty basic BDSM norms. That’s a relatively easy call to make when it comes to physical or psychological involvement. If you’re getting off on strangers getting upset, then you’re getting off by violating their consent. A clear asshole move. But what happens when that’s not your intent, but people get upset anyway? At what point do you need to seek consent from someone?
This isn’t specifically a problem for kinky people. I was reminded of that when I spotted this story on some very well done but very gory Halloween decorations. As a kid, that front lawn scene would have traumatized the fuck out of me. I’d have had nightmares for months. Even now I find it unpleasant to look at closely. So at what point should that home owning Halloween fan have to seek the consent of his neighborhood? Or indeed the consent of anyone who might come down the public street outside his house? At what point should we constrain public freedom of expression? It clearly has to happen at some point, because there will always be someone who pushes a boundary to the breaking point.
I guess my bottom line is: Be wary of blanket statements or simple rules when it comes to public play. It’s always dependent on context and content. I think the leash scene from my original post was over the line, but the scene in the images in yesterdays post is completely fine. Yet it’s very hard to come up with a simple easily applied rule that separates the two.
This photograph represents the kind of ‘public’ play I could get behind. The feel of being outside and exposed, but a big closed door to keep the rest of the world out.
So here’s my own final (for the moment) comment on same. The line does get blurry but rather than risk offending I’ve always taken a more subtle approach, doing things that might draw someone’s attention to hubwife while I just blend into the crowd. Several years ago I had her laced very tightly into an underbust corset as we made our way through the casino and forum shops at Caesar’s in Las Vegas. The corset gave her a very obvious hour glass figure and drew more than a few “looks” and a couple of lengthy “gawks”, mostly from women. The lacing was so effective I don’t think anyone even noticed the white ladies shorts she was wearing. Despite the stares, smiles and a couple of snickers, no one seemed offended.
Location definitely counts for something. I think if you’re on the streets of NYC, or in a Vegas Casino, then people should expect some degree of strangeness :-). You can’t really go to sin city and then get upset about someone dressing funny. A grocery store in the suburbs might be a different story. Although I think even there, what you described would be subtle enough to slide by without making the local news 🙂
Thanks for sharing thoughts,
-paltego
Additional discussion?
https://fffbuzz.com/domme-to-domme-viral-public-humiliation-public-and-bdsm-reactions/
The picture in the post looks adorable, but i doubt that it was taken in a BDSM context. This looks more like a young couple fooling around for insta or something similar, since the leash looks pretty much like a belt and so on.
Yes, that’s entirely possible. A reverse image search gave me a few kinky image sites, but that really says nothing about where it originated. Although even if they don’t identify as kinky, there’s definitely some kink lurking in them somewhere to come up with this 🙂
-paltego
We ease into it. We do a little something, like a comment, and we observe the reaction. If they have fun with it, we step it up a little and observe again. One time this got all the way to dressing hubby in panties and corset in a change room, having the clerk come in to watch, and me showing her his red bottom and smacking it. Fun for all, and eased into. Described here: https://strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-humiliating-consequences-of.html
That sounds like a good way to go, assuming you’re in a relatively controlled environment with a low probability of random people wandering into it. Some people are definitely up for hijinks and fun. Although I’m always a little nervous about people like sales assistants and restaurant servers. Their livelihood is based on helping the customer, which creates a power imbalance. I guess it depends on your level of confidence in reading the moment and their comfort level.
Thanks for sharing thoughts and entertaining scene that you linked to
-paltego