Writing yesterday’s post on the new experiences I enjoyed with Mistress Cynthia got me thinking about the dynamics of doing new activities. More specifically, doing an old activity for the first time with a new play partner. There are a few different ways to approach this, and one of them niggles me every time it happens. I’m not sure it rises to the level of a pet peeve, but it’s something that I think is worth raising awareness of.
Some dominants don’t care what I’ve done in the past. They just pull out the toys they have in mind to use and get on with doing their thing. Others ask in order to gather information they can use. If it’s a new activity then maybe they’ll build intensity more slowly or check in more often. I’m perfectly happy with either approach. What I find odd is when a domme will be visibly disappointed if they discover the activity they’ve decided on isn’t a new one for me. Sometimes they’ll almost seem to be verging on frustration that they can’t ‘surprise’ me with a particular toy or new experience. I’ve had session where, after this kind of exchanged had repeated 3 or 4 times, I almost wanted to start lying and claiming ignorance, just so we could get out of that repeated negative interaction.
I’ve tried out a lot of different kinky activities over the last few years. That’s not down to any skill or achievement on my part. I’m just lucky to have had the time and opportunity to do a lot of different session with experienced dommes in well equipped spaces. So it’s pretty rare to find a fairly general activity that’s both inside my limits that I haven’t tried at some point. Yet, in all that time, I’ve never once thought to myself “Oh, we’re doing this shit again. Let’s get through this as fast as possible so we can get to something different.” I’ve had sessions ranging from just OK to awesome, and that difference has never been made by the uniqueness or novelty of the activity. The quality of the experience is always about the dynamic between myself and the domme and our interaction in the moment. The way every scene unfolds is unique, even if some of the building blocks repeat. Or to put it in cruder terms, I’ve jerked off a fair amount over the last decade or three, and I’ve never got bored with that activity, so let’s assume that novelty isn’t the deciding factor in how fun something is.
For any dommes out there, I’d suggest always treating past experience with an activity as a positive. It means the submissive will probably be able to give good feedback during it and will have greater capacity for handling it.
Given the post subject matter I thought it’d be worth trying to pick an image of an activity I’ve not really tried. So here we go – cross dressing. There was a domme 6 or 7 years ago who put me in stockings a few times, but apart from that I’ve been lingerie free. I’m not sure of the source of this vintage picture, but that young guy is carrying that outfit off pretty well.
“… sessions ranging from just OK to awesome, and that difference has never been made by the uniqueness or novelty of the activity. The quality of the experience is always about the dynamic between myself and the domme and our interaction in the moment.”
You’re right, paltego, so very right.
And it works both ways. Had I been asked, way back when, while training under the careful and caring guidance of well established dommes, I would have answered in very similar fashion.
First year I was on a very steep learning curve. But after having absorbed and mastered the basics, during the second year that curve levelled off. And I became aware of my inability to provide much above and beyond OK to the men and women who payed for the experience. Treating the women who visited us was easier, came more naturally to me, but not much and it certainly was not enough. It was a gut feeling, rather than misplaced ideas of perfectionism.
Since I felt that “above and beyond OK” was exactly what all my clients always deserved, I quit. Colleagues who worked with me and clients who very much appreciated my skills and craftswomanship couldn’t change my mind.
Being a professional domme was – and still is – not my calling.
As for that young apprentice of cross dressing … He’s getting the hang of it, don’t you agree? Thanks to teacher’s firm grip on his learning curve, I might add.
Regards
That gentleman is certainly getting the hang of cross-dressing. He has a degree of elegance.
Your other comments on professional domination are thought provoking. It’s obviously admirable to want to deliver excellent scenes that go beyond just OK. I wonder how your clients felt about the scenes? Was your OK their awesome? Of course, even if it was, nobody wants to do a job where delivering good but not great is the standard they’re striving for.
-paltego
He looks a lot better in those stockings than many men, IMO. They are a difficult item of clothing for men to carry off well. Although I am fussy and feel the same about shorts, to be honest, though I’d never cavil if someone wanted to wear the latter, because comfort and practicality, which is possibly not the same for stockings.
Yeah, he is pulling that look off I think. I don’t feature a lot of cross-dressing shots here, because I don’t like it when it’s intended to be humiliating or degrading, and it’s rare to see cross-dressing shots that don’t seem to fit into that. This seemed to have a different vibe.
I personally hate shorts, for reasons I’m not entirely sure about. Definitely would rather wear the stockings then a pair of shorts!
Thanks for stopping by to comment!
-paltego
I don’t personally like the ‘cross-dressing for degrading/humiliating purposes’ myself, either. The young man here is rather elegant, to my mind, and I think it does give a different impression. It’s hard to pin down, but you’re right – there is a difference.
I’ve been cross dressing for some, not all, sessions the last few years. I find it puts me in a more submissive mindset. One thing I’ve found is that some Dommes like their subs to cross dress – a lot!!!!
Interesting observation. It’s not something I’ve come across, but different dommes obviously all have their own personal preferences and kinks (just like submissives). The fact that so many dungeon spaces have dedicated cross-dressing and make-up stations certainly shows the popularity of it.
-paltego
It’s clearly time for you to run your own scientific experiment.
Alternate sessions for a period of time – cross dressed and then not, and see if you don’t get similar results. Of course you need to see the same Domme twice with alternate dressing modes, but as much sessioning as you do, I bet you can wrap this up in a year or so.
Your faithful audience awaits your results. You could change the fabric of the domination industry.
🙂
I think to run a proper scientific experiment I’d need multiple subjects to test, across a variety of different activities, along with a control group. And while I’m interested, I’m not so interested I want to fund that kind of experiment :-).
I think it’ll have to remain one of those things that remains ‘each to his own’. Although I may run my own unscientific experiments just for my own curiosity!
-paltego
Crowd funding! That might offer the beginning of a solution.
A slick and swinging on-line campaign like “Help the pecuniarily challenged paltigo to do his scientific research into perverted niche activities” or something equally hare brained. Reading about what is successfully funded these days, I give it a 50/50 chance.
Regards, from a both rainy and sweltering Kourou
It’s an excellent idea. There is certainly no shortage of quirky and unconventional ideas pitching for money via crowdfunding. Unfortunately, I think all the crowd funding platforms are really strict on collecting money for sex related stuff, particularly when it’s related to sexual activity. Money and sex really a problem in the US, particularly when that money is coming via credit card companies, who seem to have the morality of a 1950’s vicar.
Looks like it’s >30C and >80% humidity in Kourou – good luck with that!
-paltego