I’m going to outsource today’s post to Ferns and her post on ‘Balance in F/m Voices‘. I think it’s an excellent analysis of an important topic, so go check it out if you haven’t already.
I realize outsourcing a post makes me seem like a slacker of a blogger, with no original thoughts. All of which is true. But in my defense, I do worry about the skew to femdom that the pro-domme industry creates, and Ferns does a great job of articulating the problem from a lifestyle domme’s perspective. I’ve posted about this in the past, and I’m still no closer to resolving the issues I raised then. I can only keep trying to draw clear distinctions and promote non-professional views whenever I get the chance.
I believe this is from a fashion shoot by Karl Largerfeld.
Thanks for the shout-out :).
I have no solution for it either except to jump in every time I see it and say some version of ‘nope, nope nopenopenope’, and that’s tedious as hell for everyone involved.
Ferns
Happy to shout :-). And thanks for that thoughtful post. It’s a problematic area. I regularly see comments from male submissives on message boards and forums that suggest they’ve internalized a lot of professional dynamics as the ‘right’ dynamics, which for me can even make jumping in tricky. Need to unpick their unspoken assumptions before getting to the actual spoken bit! 🙁
-paltego
Hi Paltego.
Could you just check the link you posted to Sharyn Ferns article?
The link takes me to an ad forGoogle and when I put Sharyn Ferns Balance in F/m voices , the link takes me to her page in Amazon Books
Thanks!
That’s weird. It’s a pretty straightforward link – https://www.domme-chronicles.com/2019/03/balance-in-f-m-voices
I’ve tried it on a few different devices and it works fine for me. Either Ferns site is doing something weird as a redirect or your device/browser/network is doing something odd. Can you get to her site just using the top level address – https://www.domme-chronicles.com ?
-paltego
It works fine today! Weird. I guess I am not living in the fast lane of the information super highway?
Where do I start? I’m in a lifestyle F/s relationship and it’s not 24/7. When I met my partner, he had been in primarily femdom interactions with pro-dommes. When he related his experiences to me as a then newbie domme, I thought that I could never compare to these gorgeous untouchable women. I would look at their websites and photos and felt rather small. I didn’t think that I could provide him with the same experience as a pro-domme and this made me feel very insecure. As time went on and I become more confident in the relationship and more secure in myself during our play and I didn’t view pro-dommes the same way. I didn’t need the validation of attempting to copy their persona and generalizing their perspective as my own. I have chosen to not define myself based on expectations of others.
Happy to hear you and your partner could get to a good place on this issue. It’s easy to say that everyone should do there own thing and not compare themselves to others, but it is often very hard to do.
The distorted expectations of many male submissives is definitely a significant issue. Almost every lifestyle domme I read online complains about it.
People worry about porn messing with people’s sexuality, but at least with non-kinky sex there are role models and obvious healthy relationships to counter-balance that. It’s a key element of social structure after all. The same isn’t true of D/s and definitely not true of D/s in a femdom dynamic.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your perspective.
-paltego