Chastity and Denial

Orlando has both an erotic and a thoughtful new post at his blog In Scarlet Ink.

The erotic bit comes (sorry) at the start as he describes getting to orgasm for the first time in two months.

“Murre just let me come, a few days ago, after two months or so of waiting.  And it was this earth-shattering moment.  She announced her intentions as I was waking up, and caressed me, and counted me down from seven (which seemed frighteningly abrupt), and I came for her.  It went on a long time, and I trembled, and she held me and it felt like she had taken me apart and put me back together….and then the long wait began again, fresh.

So, uh, yeah.  Ummm.  I like orgasm denial.”

Ummm, wow. Descriptions like that tempt me to break out the credit card and the tape measure.

Then, having grabbed your attention with that opening, he goes on to muse on the reasons why orgasm denial is largely a male fantasy. He’s got a number of interesting viewpoints which are well worth reading, and all of which probably tell some part of the story.

Personally I’d advance an argument that’s a slight twist on his point (I). Men (massive generalization on it’s way) tend to see orgasms as a bodily function like breathing, pissing or eating. From the moment a man hits adolescence he starts producing semen, and jerking off to expel it just becomes another necessary regular event. The body will even do it automatically at times with a nocturnal emission. This isn’t to say sex for men is a requirement like eating or drinking – see Emily Nagoski for interesting comments in that area – just that there is a perception that regular orgasm’s (however achieved) are a normal requirement of life.

If you’re wired to enjoy playing with power and control, then giving up control over something as fundamental as a ‘bodily function’ is obviously going to be a hot button. The artwork of Augustine is a good example of this kind of play, heavily populated as it is with lots of catheter, enema and tease/denial scenes. Women, even if they orgasm every day and three times on Sundays, may not perceive them in that very basic biological way.