I’ve been debating putting up a profile on one of the kinky dating sites. For some reason, my plan A of sitting alone in my apartment anonymously blogging has not led to a throng of dominant women breaking my door down. Plan B might be in order. Plans C through Z are also not out of the question.
The first step in such a plan is to decide which site(s) to use. This in itself is problematic, as they’ve all got such a lousy reputation. There is a femdom specific one, Femdom Match, but the introduction on their front page does not fill me with great optimism.
IF you are looking to meet a Dominatrix to fulfill your fantasy of female domination you are at the right place. Your job as a slave/servant is to be at the service of your dominatrix.
My first thought on reading this was that obviously I wasn’t in the right place. I already know plenty of dominatrices who fulfill my fantasies. They’re called pro-dommes, and I think they’re wonderful people. But that’s not what I go to a kinky dating site for.
My second thought was what the reaction would be of any dominant woman reading that. What does it say about the kind of men she’ll meet on the site? Who is going to read that and want to sign-up to fulfill men’s fantasies? It’s the equivalent of a conventional dating site having the slogan – “A great place to meet hot women for sex.” I somehow can’t see Match or OK Cupid adopting that as their new tagline.
Ironically I think that the problem with most kinky dating sites is that they place too much emphasis on the kink. I know a few people out there have very specific fantasies that they need a partner to fulfill. If your only way to get off is wearing a pink onesie while being chased around the bedroom by a woman dressed as Margaret Thatcher brandishing a rubber chicken, then you should probably list that in your profile. But I suspect most of us are a little more flexible in our desires. No one individual activity, such as piercing or breathplay or spanking, is a deal breaker for me. As long as she’s dominant and GGG then that’s a big tick in the kinky box. What matters after that is what matters in any dating/friend situation. Is this person fun to hang out with? Do we have interests in common? When she pulls the gag out, will we have anything worthwhile to say to each other?
I do have some thoughts on how a good femdom dating site should be structured, but I’ll save that for another post. Instead I’ll finish with a picture of what looks like a fun dating moment found on the 24-7-Sub tumblr.
I’ve always used Collar Me. In fact, that’s how I met Iris. I’ve actually tlaked to a lot of polite men on there, but most were too far away. I’m hoping that’ll change when I move to Seattle this summer.
I also have a profile on OK Cupid, but 95% of the messages are “What is Femdom?” or “What is sadism?” 3% make reference to fucking, and the remaining 2% are people who actually understand what I’m looking for but are just wishing me luck, or aren’t attractive to me.
I have checked out the female-dominant-oriented dating sites, like the one you mentioned, but they all seem like a haven for ProDommes and FinDommes, of which I am neither.
My profiles are very up-front that I will not discuss kink right away, and I’m not looking for just sex. That weeds out most people who I wouldn’t be compatible with (the “spam all the women” ones don’t read profiles anyway). I make sure to fill out my interests (both kinky and vanilla) on my profiles, and talk about my limits. I don’t lead with my kinks, but I do put them out there because they ARE important or else I wouldn’t be looking on kinky dating sites.
Anyway. I’m rambling. I say go for it. What do you have to lose?
-Femi
Thanks for the lengthy and helpful comment Femi. Always happy to receive a ramble. Most of my posts fall under that category.
Collar Me is definitely my number one choice right now. I kind of lurk there off and on, but I really should put up a profile. As you say, what do I have to lose? I’ve heard good things about OK cupid from a vanilla dating perspective, but I’ve also heard similar comments to yours when it comes to kinky interests.
It’s also good to know that a sane and normal couple managed to hook up via Collar Me. There’s a lot of negative feedback out there about it, particularly from dominant women. When I started writing this post I actually intended to reference this post from Iris:
http://deviantlyromantic.wordpress.com/2012/11/04/sex-or-how-i-learned-to-stop-worrying-and-love-intimacy-pt2/
I thought that was great, particularly the giant floating sky-ship analogy! However, as the post developed I couldn’t figure out how to incorporate it in a way that flowed. I’ll maybe come back to it in a future post.
I’ll be interested to see what you make of the Seattle. Happy to play the role of tour guide or information resource if you need one. Feel free to ping me (although if I remember correctly, Iris’s parents are there, right?)
-paltego
Iris will be tickled pink to hear that you enjoyed what he wrote. He’s always hesitant to write things for the blog, as he tends to really, really ramble, and sometimes it only makes sense to him.
I really can’t wait to be in Seattle permanently. I’ve visited twice, and did not want to return home either time. Iris’s family is there, but it’s a big city and I welcome any and all suggestions for what to do and where to go!
-Femi
I very much like your thoughts here. GGG is good.
Thanks Mike. Glad you like the post. Nice tumblr BTW. Have to remember that for my image page.
-paltego