I’ve always had some degree of discomfort about the idea of financial domination, although I could never put my finger on exactly what it was. It doesn’t push any of my buttons to be described as a ‘pay-piggy’ or objectified as a human ATM, but I could say the same thing about plenty of other styles of play. I’m not into adult/baby roleplay or public humiliation, yet my lack of interest there doesn’t translate into an active discomfort with the activity.
It was only when I was reading this article on a financial domme in NYC that I managed to put my finger on at least part of my problem. I’ve no idea how much truth is in the article, but it certainly reflects an attitude and approach I’ve seen on a lot of fin-domme sites. What bothers me about it is the lack of a ‘duty of care’. All participants in a BDSM scene have a responsibility to ensure it’s safe and consensual, but due to the natural dynamic there’s obviously a particular emphasis on the dominant’s role. She has a duty of care to try and ensure the submissive eventually emerges healthy and undamaged.
This duty doesn’t absolve the submissive of responsibility, and it doesn’t make the dominant responsible for everything and anything that happens. Accidents can happen, both in a physical and emotional sense. But the intent should always be there, and it’s often an intent that seems to be lacking from what I observe of financial domination. It would seem like an area where the risk of harm is particularly high, and therefore greater care should be taken. Yet most of the fin-dommes I stumble across fit the mould of the one in the article. They’re inexperienced, not particularly into BDSM and express little interest in the overall health of their clients. There seems to be a lack of self-analysis and critical evaluation of what they’re doing and why.
In a physical BDSM session there’s also a very clear element of self-interest for the dominant to make sure everyone is safe. Nobody wants to end the scene in an emergency room. And anyone injuring submissives or pushing scenes beyond comfortable limits is going to have difficulty finding play partners (one would hope). I’m not sure what the equivalent feedback mechanism for a financial domme is. The goal would simply seem to be to extract as much as possible without losing the client.
I should be clear this is purely a personal opinion based purely on what I’ve seen on-line. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be involved in or to enjoy. Doubtless there are ethical and talented financial dommes out there. I just found it interesting to finally identify what sometimes niggled me about this very specific dynamic.
The photograph is by Tyler Shields, and features the back of Tamara Ecclestone’s shoes (daughter of billionaire Bernie Ecclestone).
Hi Paltego!
Financial domination–what a great topic for a blog post! I hope it generates lots of comments. I’d like to hear what others have to say.
Based upon my own experience as a prodomme and the conversations I’ve had with other women in this industry, this is what I think about financial domination: it’s a niche fetish surrounded by a cloud of fake. It DOES exist, but it is much more rare than the scads of fin-dommes and paypigs online would lead one to believe.
It attracts a lot of fake dommes and fake subs. Now, I’m certainly NOT the “authenticity police,” judging kinksters according to the One Twue Way of BDSM. I hate that pretentious bullshit. But my eyes don’t lie: Fin-domme is full of hustling women who think Findom is an easy way to get money and have guys buy them stuff. They don’t dominate men in real life, either professionally or in their private relationships. I don’t blame them for trying this–we’ve all got to make a living–but I know why most of them wash out very quickly.
You say so yourself, with:
“Yet most of the fin-dommes I stumble across fit the mould of the one in the article. They’re inexperienced, not particularly into BDSM and express little interest in the overall health of their clients. There seems to be a lack of self-analysis and critical evaluation of what they’re doing and why.”
Speaking of “pay-pig” subs: again, they exist, but they are very rare. Nothing sets off my bullshit detector faster then a client who emails me or tells me right away that he wants to give me money or “spoil” me. Almost all of those guys are insincere time-wasters. They are there to play games. (Generous subs–generous MEN of any orientation–don’t talk about all the money they’re going to spend on you. They just show up with a gift. )
In the real world, people pay for services. The true pay-pig sub is as rare as the true, selfless service sub. In the article you link to, the domme says she controls all of guinea pig sub’s finances. If she’s telling the truth, that’s a lot of work, being someone’s parent and accountant, financially.
Getting back to the crux of your post, paltego, you cite the lack of “duty of care” as being problematical for you. I understand. But I think that people who are really into the fin-dom fetish get a thrill out of the danger and the threat of humiliation if their boss or SO discovers where the money went. For a domme, it’s a tightrope: “exploit” them too much, they freak and leave. Protect them (from themselves) too much, and they leave because they’re not frightened and exploited enough.
I wrote about one of these guys on my blog…let me know if you’d like the link to the story…I don’t want to self-promote on your blog…
Finally, the BEST Fin-Domme I’ve ever seen is Princess Sierra, based in Ohio. You can find her with a google search. She’s a genius at this stuff–and she’s authentic. I could never, ever follow her business model, but I read her blog sometimes for shock value and because I think she is very smart and funny.
Sorry this is so discursive.
Miss Margo
LOL, I completely agree with Miss Margo, most of the guys are really time wasters, I never looked for pay pigs or anything like that, I’m not into the fetish at all, but if somebody would get off on paying my mortgage, I would hope that they have the best orgasm ever – which disqualifies me, because I am not mean enough 😉