This is continuation of yesterday’s post on ‘force’ based scenes, originally triggered by this post by Stabbity. Reading those first will probably help this make more sense.
Force in a BDSM scene can undoubtedly be very hot. For one thing it suggests passion and emotion. As a submissive being on the receiving end of that is energizing. It’s hard to be forceful towards something you’re indifferent about. Force in a scene also brings in ideas of objectification and control. A lot of BDSM toys are about removing some element of control, whether that’s over motion, speech, sight or sphincter muscles. Force can be a further extension of that, removing the ability to control consent, albeit in a consensual non-consent kind of way.
I get all those aspects of force in a scene. The one associated aspect that does puzzle me is the idea of removing or shifting guilt. This came up in the comments to Stabbity’s post.
I also feel that the use of force enables a sub who is ashamed of a certain desire to experience it without guilt. I see it most frequently in regard to forced bi scenarios. The sub wants it but doesn’t want to admit (either to others or to himself) that he wants it. So by passing off the responsibility to the dom, he’s essentially free to indulge without worry. – roo-roo
This is a view I’ve seen expressed many times in the past, and I have to say I don’t get it. And I mean that in the ‘I personally don’t understand’ way, not in the ‘it’s wrong’ way. Can guilt be really shifted so easily? Mixing the complex emotions of a forced BDSM scene to a genuine sense of guilt sounds like a combustible emotional mix. If a traumatic childhood experience with a Salvation Army lady had left me with fetish for stealing from charity collection boxes, I’d (hopefully) feel very guilty about that. Would dragging a domme into my coin pilfering schemes make me feel any better? Can guilt be shared or even shifted like that? It seems such a reductive view of an emotion. Perhaps it depends on someone’s ability to compartmentalize and buy into their own stories and fantasies. Maybe if I roleplayed in scenes I’d understand this better.
As I said, it’s not an unusual or uncommon view on force in scenes, but it does leave me scratching my head. Perhaps the fact I’m not an emotional masochist may have something to do with that. While I ponder that, I’ll leave you with another fun piece of artwork, this by Kami Tora. Not quite as overtly physical as the Stanton drawings from yesterday, but it does have some nice hair pulling and forceful pegging.
Hi paltego,
It may be that the illusion of force in scenes allays guilt temporarily and/or incrementally, much in the way that therapy can help someone suffering an emotional crisis or chronic condition. Perhaps over time, repeating similar scenes, redefines the emotional space that person lives within.
As a non-practicing Jew, I recall after my second divorce, a time in life when I was racked with guilt and shame, that being punished by a big woman dressed as a Nazi for some mysterious reason alleviated my symptoms and crystallized my affinity for submission. It worked better than anti-depressant drugs and counseling.
I’m not exactly endorsing BDSM as an alternative therapy but I’m not exactly excluding it either. I lacked structure and goals when I met Em. Her Dominance keeps me focused and helps me be a happier, more productive person. I’ve learned to accept my imperfect self and my spotty history as a testament to my simple humanity.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
Hey scott,
That’s an interesting way to think about it. The force might not entirely displace the guilt, but it might assuage it or diminish it, giving the person permission to experience something they otherwise couldn’t. Then over time, by creating these spaces where it’s ‘permitted’ they change the bigger emotional structure.
I guess the question would therefore be: Do people end up not feeling guilty? If someone internally wants to suck cock (to use a scenario that crops up a lot in the discussions), but needs a forced-bi scene to do it, do they eventually end up not feeling bad about it? I guess a key part of the equation also relates to the activity itself. Is it something somebody should feel guilty about (like my charity stealing example) or something that intellectually they know they shouldn’t (like sucking cock)? That would seem to be an important distinction.
-paltego
Hi paltego,
You’re absolutely right it making a distinction between activities we ought to feel guilty about and activities for which guilt might not be the appropriate emotion. In instances like sucking cock, the feeling that others might not approve of what one is doing is different than actually doing something worthy of guilt.
Best,
scott
Mrs. Kelly’s Playhouse
Maybe you’re just bad at lying to yourself 🙂 Saying “It wasn’t my idea, she *made* me do it!” is a lie, but some people seem to be able to believe in it just enough to get the thing they want but don’t want to admit they want.