In the moment

This is a continuation of my thoughts on the Psychological Surrender article I linked to yesterday. There are too many good things in it to fit into a single post. One section I particularly enjoyed was on subspace.

It is an experience of being “in the moment”, totally in the present. Its ultimate direction is the discovery of one’s identity, one’s sense of self, of one’s sense of wholeness, even one’s sense of unity with other living beings…Within the context of that surrender, a self-negating submissive experience occurs in which the person is enthralled by the dominant partner. The intensity of the masochism is a living testimonial of the urgency with which some buried part of the personality is screaming to be released. The surrender is nothing less than a controlled dissolution of self-boundaries.

There’s an interesting contradiction exposed here. On one hand there’s the idea of letting going, relaxing boundaries and exposing the true self. I’ve heard pain described as ‘a holiday from your brain’ and I like that description. It’s impossible to have complex thoughts or maintain social boundaries while experiencing significant pain. You can only exist raw, unfiltered and in the moment. Yet, despite that, the person who becomes most important in those moments is the dominant. I often feel a wave of tenderness and love (or a chemical facsimile) for her, even as she’s doing something incredibly painful to me. So simultaneously there’s both a strong sense of wholeness and the idea that the dominant is the center of the world and all that matters.

Perhaps a way to resolve this contradiction is to think about personalities as layers. The submissive’s intellectual and social layers are stripped away, exposing their true identity. In turn the dominants boundaries expand, replacing what has been removed. The submissive’s sense of self therefore ends up more intimately entwined with both the dominants personality and their own essential makeup.

This image of a couple enjoying their own particular moment comes courtesy of Divine Bitches. I original found it on the Badkitty Kat tumblr.