Uncategorized – Page 271 – Femdom Resource

A gleeful sadist

There are always going to be some people who have a natural ability to push your internal sexual hot buttons. I don’t meant that in an exclusionary way, in the way that some men will insist on only dating women with certain physical attributes (blonde hair or big breasts or whatever). If there’s a woman interested enough in me to consider some naked shenanigans, then far be it from me to start throwing up roadblocks in her path. But being open to alternatives doesn’t mean that all alternatives all equal. Some people can hit your libido where it hurts with just a glance. For me, that group of people would definitely include Mistress Natsukiss.

One of the things that I love about her videos and images is the very gleeful sadism that comes through. She’s not a smiling domme doing a little light bondage and sensual teasing. She’s not an ice queen, viciously beating her submissives with a snarl. Instead she inflicts some really serious sadistic punishment with a happy joyful attitude. That’s a wonderful combination.

One of my favorite scenes I have of hers involves a very heavy whipping with a single-tail. The submissive is trying to remain in position on the ground on all fours, but is losing focus with the strength of the repeated strikes. Each time he slumps she repeatedly taps her foot on the floor, and he slowly pulls himself back into the proper stance. From his viewpoint he can only see her foot, and he responds like a trained animal. It’s as if she’s giving him something of her to focus on. She just keeps smiling and whipping, bringing him obediently back into line with each stamp of the heel.

Sadly I don’t have any good images to share from that scene. Instead he’s four enjoyable shots taken from this gallery on her galleries page. I think they show her gleeful sadism pretty well. You can click on the images to enlarge them. She has also featured in a couple of previous posts, you can see here and here.

Pushing his buttons

After yesterday’s wordy ramblings, here’s a little bit of light entertainment. It’s an advertisement for the Dream Lover 2000, in the form of a flash movie (note that linked page has sound). For those that have never seen this device before, it looks like an advanced form of an electro-shock collar, but designed for a chastity device. The movie is nicely done, with a fun contrast between the upbeat lighthearted style and the function of the device being sold. In fact their whole site is a little unusual. It’s put together in a slick but quite serious way, like they’re selling training devices into a corporate market rather than a BDSM sex toy. There’s a lot of talk about operant conditioning and microchip controllers, but nothing about D/s or kink.

I thought I’d pick an image of a suitably well behaved and trained male. Here’s a little domestic service courtesy of the artist Juan Puyal. I came across it on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr.

Alpha to Omega

Peroxide put up an interesting post recently about the desire for a man who is both a submissive and an alpha male.

I’ve been seeing a familiar refrain when dommes describe their male partners, usually along the lines of: “you would never know he’s submissive outside the bedroom” or “in his professional life he’s a real alpha male, but to me he’s submissive.”
Peroxide

He makes some interesting points and the post had a number of thoughtful and positive comments, so it’s worth reading the whole thing. It caught my attention because I’ve also noticed similar themes in blogs and forums, but I decode them slightly differently. Of course I’m not a dominant woman, and have no special insight into this particular desire. But I’ve never let a silly thing like an absence of facts or a lack of domain knowledge get in the way of my opinions before, and don’t see why I should start now.

I should begin by saying I really hate the alpha/beta terminology. It’s a reduction past the point of absurdity. No person is one thing in all situations at all times. I recently saw a comment about Ted Conferences, where someone claimed that they used to be all about the alpha males, the CEOs, but now it was full of the beta VPs. That’s perhaps an accurate description from a purely biological perspective, but it’s ludicrous given the common usage of the word. The alpha to omega classification might make sense when you’re a pride of lions, but doesn’t map at all to the kind of fluid dynamic social structures humans inhabit.

Peroxide attributes part of this common desire for an ‘alpha’ as a reaction to very non-alpha associated kinks.

Part of it I think is pushing back against the over-prevalent, sissy/forced-femme/cuckold submale fantasy that that is being pushed as the way that Femdom works.
Peroxide

I agree with the reaction part, but I’m not sure I would assign it narrowly to that specific stimulus. For one thing I don’t think that particular set of kinks are ‘being pushed’ as widely as sometimes gets attributed. They also sound like perfectly reasonable ways to play for couples that enjoy it. The use of ‘submale fantasy’ suggests those are purely male driven desires, when that’s clearly not exclusively the case.

What I’ve observed from these kind of discussions is that the desire isn’t typically for an extroverted, aggressive, alpha group leader (although it can be). It’s more to avoid a passive, unimaginative, needy wet blanket who needs to be micro-managed. I think some men interpret submissive as ‘You need to tell me what to do, I no longer should need to think.” That’s isn’t an attractive quality for most women, dominant or not.

I remember one female blogger (although I don’t remember exactly who) relating how she’d gone for dinner with a prospective submissive and he’d insisted on having her order for him, and then when that didn’t go down well, ordering exactly what she’d ordered. That was his idea of being a submissive. In many ways that kind of behavior reminds me of guys who think emailing penis shots is an appropriate introduction on a dating site. It’s a way of treating the other person as simply a delivery mechanism for their personal sexual fantasy.

I’d suggest that confidence, competence and empathy are three of the most desired characteristics. That’s the ability to understand what the other person wants, and the ability to provide it in a drama free fashion, no alpha chest beating required. Of course, I haven’t exactly been tearing up the kinky dating scene recently (or ever), so caveat emptor.

For images I’ve gone with some shots of men making themselves useful. The first came via the GeekDomme tumblr. The second is another image from Domina M.

Added John Willie to Femdom Artwork

John Willie is normally considered more of a general BDSM and fetish artist than a femdom one. However, he’s really a pioneering figure, setting the standard for a lot of the great BDSM artists that came after him. Given that fact, and that a lot of his work is F/f, I think he’s a very appropriate artist to add my femdom artwork pages.

I really don’t give a fig

There aren’t a lot of kinky physical activities I don’t enjoy. Obviously I haven’t tried everything, should such an accomplishment even be possible, but my strike rate on trying and enjoying new things is pretty high. That doesn’t mean that I love everything equally. I’ll always enjoy a good beating over a more gentle foot worship session, but I’m happy if either comes in my direction.

In all the sessions I’ve done I can only think of one thing that I absolutely disliked and never want to do again. That would be figging. For those that have never tried it, this consists of using a carved ginger root as a butt plug, as shown in the photograph below. The idea is that the ginger creates a stinging burning sensation that is particularly painful if the submissive clenches around the plug. It is sometimes combined with spanking, with the plug used to encourage the submissive to keep his or her muscles relaxed.

Unfortunately when I tried it, the only thing I could think of was curry. Red hot, melt the plastic bag, take-away curry. The kind I used to get in England after consuming many beers on a Friday night out. The kind that tasted so good at the time, but I always knew I’d pay for the next day. At any moment during the figging I expected the taste of stale lager in my mouth and a flock wallpaper flashback. The pain from the ginger wasn’t enough to be masochistically interesting, but it was enough to make me think of churning stomachs, hangovers and hours spent anchored to the porcelain throne.

After over ten years in the States there’s only three things that I still miss about England. My immediate family is one. Proper fish and chips wrapped in newspaper is another. And the final thing would be good Indian take away. Figging is a great way to recreate its exit conditions. Now I just need to find an equivalent for the tasting part.

I found this image on the Girls Rule, Subs Drool tumblr.

Pillow muncher

I remember the insults ‘pillow muncher’ and ‘pillow biter’ being thrown around the playground when I was at junior school. That’d be around the age of 7 or 8. It took me quite literally years to work out what it meant. It was obviously something to do with being ‘gay’, which was automatically considered bad, but I was a teenager before the penny finally dropped on what exactly was going on. I can even remember the “Ah-ha!” moment, as I was so happy I’d finally solved the riddle. I was never the quickest child on the uptake when it came to sex.

I like both expressions in the shot below. They’re both looks of concentration. His is a pained concentration, biting the pillow as he tries to ease into it and get comfortable. Hers is a look of problem solving concentration, just trying to get everything lined up and pushed home.

I found this via the Femdom Marriage tumblr. I think it’s originally from the Guys Get Fucked site. You can see more shots from the scene in this gallery.

Peaking behind the curtain

I’ve been enjoying catching up on Domina M’s new blog – Look Like Veronica Lake; Think Like Dorothy Parker. She used to be one of NYC’s top pro-dommes, mentored one of the current stars of that city, and has since retired to Barcelona.

She’s writing about the practicalities of being a pro-domme, the behind the scene issues she had to deal with, which I find fascinating. I think it’s always fun to read about unusual jobs. It almost doesn’t matter exactly what the job is – steeplejack, hostage negotiator, matador – there’s just something innately interesting in learning the tricks of a trade. It appeals to the desire to discover a secret, as well as the intellectual pleasure of gaining understanding of a new problem space.

I particularly enjoyed her piece on micro-dommenomics and her attempt to come up with a viable model for an inexpensive session.

A simple foot or OTK session in the morning might be a nice way to start my day. What say $75 for a half hour foot or OTK session in the morning? NO ONE could beat that.
…
There was no way I was going to dilute the “Domina M” brand with a blue light special. Besides the argument was that they wanted the minimum, simply a focus on their fetish. Okay fine. I created a new yahoo email account and advertised, “Simple foot/otk sessions with a beautiful, busty, 29-year-old blond. 8AM-11AM. $75 per ½ hour” every free place I could.
…
After all of that, how many people did I see in those three months? None. Zero. Goose-Egg.
Domina M

The failure of this approach doesn’t surprise me at all. When it comes to luxury goods and services, price may not be a good discriminating factor, but it is normally a good filtering factor. I probably can’t simply use price alone to choose between a $50 bottle of wine and $100 bottle of wine. But I can normally safely exclude the $5 bottle of wine from consideration. If I saw a very cheap price for an unnamed and unreviewed pro-domme I’d assume either she wasn’t smart enough to price herself correctly or was so bad that she couldn’t get business at a higher price. Neither are appealing characteristics. And, as Domina M discovered, the type of clients who don’t make that kind of assessment turn out to be the type of clients not worth cultivating.

In the comment section Miss Troy Orleans remarked on the fact that she’d recently offered a significant session discount to celebrate her eight year dommiversary, and had been surprised when only one person took her up on it. That also surprised me at first glance, but actually makes some sort of sense from a psychological perspective. A discount suggests that, compared to the normal exchange, one person is losing out on the deal. A client with enough disposable income to regularly see a top pro-domme is unlikely to value a transitory financial saving over the negative psychological association of the discount.

If Miss Orleans had reworded the offer to suggest she was going to extend the session length but still charge her normal rate, I wonder if it would have changed the uptake rate? The cost/time ratio is unchanged, but it creates a different emphasis. Now the client isn’t taking something away, but is instead being gifted with something extra. A bit like how restaurants don’t give regular customers discounts, but do send out additional free courses.

Perhaps that might also have been an answer to Domina M’s discount session experiment. Offer it only as a bonus to regular clients who have already paid the full session rate in the past. That weeds out the wankers while rewarding the regulars. Although of course that does still risk diluting the brand. These things are never simple.

I’ve added her blog to the pro-domme section of my blogroll, so hopefully she’ll be popping up there with many more interesting posts in future. Thanks to hmp for the original pointer.

Photograph is of Domina M. For a little background on the photographer see this blog post.

Inappropriate reactions

I was told tonight that my penis was having ‘an inappropriate reaction to pain.’ That’s not a statement you hear every day of the week, no matter how kinky you are. It was a tongue in cheek comment from Lydia after a lot of tiny but sharp wooden clips affixed to the said appendage had increased my arousal. It was a vicious circle. Quite literally vicious in this case. The more they hurt, the more aroused I got, and the more aroused I got, the more the skin was stretched and the more it hurt. Masochism can be very strange.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your tolerance for scrawny naked English masochists) we didn’t get any photographs. So I was forced to hunt through my image collection and the tumblverse for something appropriate. You’d think that a combination of aroused male and pain inflicting dominant female would be an easy shot to find. After all, that sounds like a pretty fundamental part of femdom porn. It turns out to be far rarer than I’d expected. Lots of aroused guys in gay BDSM porn or solo male shots. A few aroused guys in more soft focus, blindfolds and fuzzy handcuffs type BDSM. Lots of pain and torture shots with a bunch of floppy dicks. But very little combining the two. I realize that as problems go this isn’t one likely to keep people awake at night, but it certainly surprised and temporarily stymied me.

In the end I decided to go with some art from Vernice61. You can always rely on him for a combination of dominant women, aroused males and painful torments. Of course that’s the beauty of artwork. It can always be exactly what the artist wants it to be.

Young woman, big cock

Here’s an example image of what I’ve previously chosen to call ‘Discovered Femdom.’ That is to say an image that started life in one context, often as a type of vanilla porn or fashion photography, but ended up as an easy target for projecting kinky fantasies.

I found it on the entertaining but inappropriately named 333 images tumblr. My first thoughts were – “Cute girl. Love that smile. Wow, that’s a big cock. What’s not to like?” But then I noticed the lack of straps to hold it in place and, given the professional photographer backdrop, began to suspect it was from a traditional porn shoot. Sure enough, it’s from x-art and features the model Gigi R using it in a more conventional self-pleasuring manner. It’s still a great shot, but I’ll like my mental version of what happened next rather than the actual one.

A cock torture palooza

After yesterday’s slightly off-topic post, I thought we should return to some serious femdom action. And who better to do that with than the talented Mistress Sidonia von Bork from The English Mansion?

Here’s a collection of fun looking CBT shots, along with one of Mistress Sidonia herself (click the images to enlarge them). You might think there’s a whole lot of cock in the shot on the left, but it actually only accounts for 18% of the total in the original blog post. The source photograph is an impressive 5×10 snapshots of heavy CBT torture. Definitely worth checking out if you’re looking for new ways to do horrible things to delicate and sensitive appendages.

Incidentally, does anyone know the name of that wire mesh column device in the shot on the right? I’ve never played with one, but it looks like it might be interesting to try.