‘No’ is a perfectly good word

I liked this article by Sinclair Sexsmith on the use (or not) of safewords. She makes the point that communicating in plain English with things like ‘no’ or ‘slow down’ is a entirely valid way to manage a scene. A safeword is obviously necessary when engaging in some types of roleplay or consensual non-consent scenes, but it’s by no means compulsory in every dynamic. Safewords are tools that can be selectively deployed.

I’m personally perfect happy to pick a safeword or use color codes if the domme requests that, but I do find it somewhat odd. I’ve had decades of using ‘no’ and ‘stop’ to mean ‘no’ and ‘stop’. So why complicate things unnecessarily? Does a safeword suddenly make ‘no’ not mean ‘no’?

sceneI believe this drawing is by the artist Dauinsaru. I found it via the Femdom Art tumblr.

Speedy

Regular readers may have noticed a few problems with blog loading times over recent weeks. The good news is I finally figured the problem out: The latest version of WordPress didn’t play nicely with my dynamic blogroll feature. The bad news is that I can’t find an equivalent of the old blogroll widget that does actually work properly. I really liked the fact it showed the latest posts of and update times of blogs, but it’s no use if doing that brings this site to a grinding halt.

While I’ll keep hunting for alternatives, I’ve switched back to a conventional static blogroll. If anyone knows of a WordPress widget that’ll work like my old one and is compatible with latest version of WordPress then please let me know via a comment. And for all my non-blogging readers, who have no clue what I’m on about in this post, here’s a nice hot image by way of apology for wasting your time.

ropebondageI’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this image.

Kitchen Slave

It has been the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. That traditionally means a lot of food and a lot of time spent slaving in the kitchen. I hope all my US readers enjoyed their meals and that any slaving done was of the most enjoyable kind.

husband-as-kitchen-slaveThe caption for this reads “The pastimes of …men!” I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I originally found it via the Femdom Artist site.

Stroking the balls around

I’m not about to start a sequence of posts on pool playing and femdom. That’s too narrow a niche even for my somewhat quirky interests. However, after yesterday’s post, I was interested to see if I could find a better version of the same idea. I think Mistress Alice has managed to pull that off in these shots. Her outfit looks reasonable for leaning over a pool table, there’s some good vulnerable position bondage and a genuine sense that pain might actually be inflicted. I wonder if she calls the shots out?  Looks like she’s going for the 9 ball into the left testicle.

pool_balls_1pool_balls_2If you’re interested in more of this, you can get the video from her Clips Store.

Pool Boy

This is a great concept that’s been horribly executed. Why is he wearing a chastity cage that’ll just offer him protection? And why is she playing pool in high heels, a silly outfit and sporting an enormous strap-on? Does that help with the aiming? And why are the balls still in the rack?

This’d be a great shot with a dark smoky room, a properly set-up table and two female pool hustlers sporting sharp suits. If they’d just thought of Paul Newman and Minnesota Fats for inspiration, rather than porn + pool, it would have been so much better.

poolThis is obviously from the Divine Bitches site.

Chicago Fun

Whenever I visit a city my first thought isn’t usually about where to stay or what to do, it’s about who I can play with. For places I visit regularly that’s an easy call. I always like to play with people I know and I’ve built a rapport up with. For new cities it’s a more challenging problem. Even when spoiled for choice in major metropolitan areas, it can be a tricky decision to find someone I think I can gel with in a short period of time. For my recent Chicago trip I picked out Ms Mara Mayhem as someone I thought would be interesting to play with, and it turned out to be a very wise decision.

We did a couple of sessions of two hours each. You can see some of the toys from the first session in this photograph. That green spiky ball on the right was perhaps the weirdest toy I’ve ever experienced in a session. It’s motorized, so bounces and buzzes, creating a distinctly odd sensation when you’re blindfolded and it’s dangled on your genitals. Not particularly painful, but definitely strange. This image shows a close-up of some CBT I enjoyed. The material on the top left is part of a very realistic straitjacket capable of restraining the most insane of inmates. We finished with some liquid refreshment courtesy of Ms Mara and this apparatus.

The second session featured bondage and corporal play, as well as some more CBT and piercing. We only got one shot from that, shown here. The combination of plastic wrap and rope was a really good one. The plastic is quick and effective, while the rope has a great visual and tactile effect. I think my ass is already looking a little marked up in that shot. By the time I got home it had bruised up nicely.

Overall, given we only had four hours to get to know one another, it was a great pair of sessions. If you’re in Chicago then I’d definitely recommend trying to schedule time with Ms Mara Mayhem. She’s smart, talented and definitely fun to play with.

maramayhemThis image of Ms Mara is from her instagram feed.

A one stop kinky shop

A couple of years ago I featured a story of an Australian dominatrix who offered combined work out sessions and kinky fun. Today I came across this article on an Australian dominatrix who offers yoga sessions with kink. The name seemed familiar and, a quick search later, I discovered it’s one and the same person – the multi-talented Mistress Anna. I love the fact she’s combining physical activities she obviously enjoys with kink. It makes for a much more interesting activity list and session dynamics. Plus, where else could you get fit, get healthy and get your kinky freak on?

mistressannaThe image is taken from Mistress Anna’s twitter feed.

Priorities

A week or more back I put up a couple of posts on how to initially communicate with a dominant woman. Although strictly speaking I didn’t really do anything, other than posts some links to words from smarter people than myself. One post was on communication in a professional context and one was on initial communication in a lifestyle/regular context.

On the face of it the advice given in those two contexts is quite different. Much like an opening email to a doctor or a lawyer is very different to the opening email to a potential romantic partner. However, there was one commonality that struck me: In both cases kink and sex came a distant second. For a professional the first thing is figuring out are you a sane, reasonable person, with a sensible request, who isn’t going to waste the dommes time. For a lifestyle interaction, the first thing is much like regular dating. i.e. Will you add something positive to the domme’s life? What do you bring to the table? Are you interested in the her thoughts/opinions/feelings? Is their chemistry?

So I guess the lesson here is that if you want to get kinky with someone, start by deprioritizing kink. It’s a bit like wanting to have kids. That might be important to you, but if that’s the first and primary topic of conversation with any potential partner, most people are going to run the other way.

I’ve no idea what image best fits a post about not talking about kink. So here’s a somewhat random image I liked from the show The Americans.

americansI found this on the Submissive Proud tumblr.

Big Bang

Personally I’ve never been a fan of the sitcom ‘Big Bang Theory’. Despite the title it lacks sufficient geek humor for me. However, if you are a fan, and ever fancied the idea of Johnny Galecki and Kaley Cuoco in fetish gear, then today is your lucky day. Thanks to a very short dream sequence scene you get to see them in what they call a sex dungeon. I’m actually impressed with the set design involved. In the short video clip it looks pretty well equipped, using furniture they must have borrowed from a real play space.

bigbangThis image was tweeted by Kaley Cuoco during the shooting.

Ch Ch Ch Changes

Regular readers may notice a different look for the blog from today. As step one in my overhaul process I’ve updated to a new more modern theme. It’s still pretty simple and clean, but it should work a lot better on tablets and phones. Google tends to punish sites that don’t support mobile devices with ranking demotion, and my old theme wasn’t set-up for mobile at all.

If you notice anything broken or not working then please let me know via a comment. I’m also hoping this’ll help with the speed and comment issues I’ve seen in the past, although that would be a happy side-effect rather than primary goal. At the very least it should make life easier for everyone who spends their life attached to their phone, even when they’re say sitting on someones face, like Meana Wolf is here.

Meana Wolf