Femdom Resource – Page 180 – The beauty of dominant women

Scream therapy

I’m safely back in Seattle after flying back late on Sunday night. I finished the trip with a bang, or possibly that should be a thwack, by playing with the beautiful Domina Ai-Li on Sunday afternoon. It was another really fun session. Playing fairly heavy on consecutive days creates some interesting dilemmas, as dommes do love to poke, prod and generally work over any bruises they spot from the previous day!

In my previous post I commented on the role the eyes can play in a scene. Today I’m going to go a couple of inches lower and talk about the throat. It’s not a body part that gets mentioned often, but I think it definitely played a role in my session with Ai-Li. I had a slightly sore throat when we started (probably as a result of too much drinking and talking in busy bars) and yelling and screaming in pain didn’t help matters. I have a tendency to do that when someone beats the inside of my thighs particularly hard. As a result I tried to bite back my yells to be kinder to my throat, and that in turn seemed to lower my pain tolerance. I think vocalizing is a way to release tension and push through tough situations. It lets me be free and simply express what I feel. Trying to hold it back makes it harder for me to take pain and therefore increases its apparent intensity. So I guess it you want to make it tougher for a submissive, tell him or her to shut the hell up.

Of course if you want to let someone scream but not scare the neighbors into calling the cops, a gag is always a good alternative. It doesn’t give you silence, but does muffle yells while still allowing a healthy moan.

I’m afraid I don’t know who the above domme is. If you do then feel free to enlighten me via the comments.

A visual connection

I was lucky enough to get to play with Domina Yuki today. She’s a very talented domme and as usual it was a great session with lots of groans, screams and whimpers. I can only hope the soundproofing in our playspace was good.

One thing I found particularly interesting was my emotional reaction to a whipping. I was lying face down on padded bench to receive it, looking to one side as she hit me with a heavy leather whip. To start with I was looking directly at her and the whipping felt incredibly intimate. Our only contact was the strands of the whip, and yet it felt like a caress. As others might feel about an intimate hug or a kiss, I felt about watching her swing this whip against me. It was almost a sexual experience.

After a number of strokes she moved around to my other side, where I couldn’t see her, and that changed the dynamic dramatically. Suddenly it was a challenge. I had to focus inside of myself and push through. The endorphins continued to flow but rather than being in an intimate situation I felt objectified. I could no longer project my feelings towards her and had to turn inward instead. I’m sure the strength of the blows were no different, yet they felt harder.

In hindsight the experience was a fascinating insight into the role of the brain in modifying pain and the way we can contextualize powerful sensations. It was almost a childlike reaction – sadistic peak-a-boo. Intellectually I always knew I was being hit by Mistress Yuki, but only when I could see her did it take on a different meaning.

We apologize for the interruption

Normally I try to keep this blog fairly isolated from the endless cycle of mainstream news stories. Today I’m going to make an exception. Normal service will be resumed shortly. In the meantime my thoughts are with the people who have lost loved ones in France.

This cartoon was originally attributed to Banksy but is actually the work of French artist Lucille Clerc.

That’s a wrap

If you’ve never played with this kind of plastic wrap mummification then I highly recommend it. The final result doesn’t look that sexy. In fact the subject ends up looking like a sausage in a shiny casing. However, on the plus side, it’s very quick and easy to create a tightly bound and immobilized submissive. From the dominant perspective this requires no mad ninja rope skills and it’s easy to cut access points in the plastic to get to all the interesting body parts. From the submissive perspective it creates a heavy bondage scenario that’s comfortable and makes it easy to slip into subspace.

The lady below appears to be using a rather narrow plastic wrap. I’d personally recommend using the kind of wrap used for pallet’s, as that’s strong and wide. Failing that just regular kitchen wrap also works. Just remember it’ll get pretty warm in there.

Ignored is bliss

Is there a specific fetish for being ignored during a sexual interaction? Given there’s a fetish for pretty much everything imaginable (rule 34), I have to assume there is. I guess it’s the flip-side to the cuckold scenario. There someone is ignored because of a more appealing sexual option. Here the gentleman appears to be being ignored because of a more appealing magazine. I’m not sure if this image is just crappy porn or some zen level kink.

I’m afraid I don’t know who originally created this image. I found it via the darkknitting tumblr.

More of a good thing

What’s the one thing you typically want after a vacation? In my case it’s normally another vacation. This year, courtesy of some friends heading to San Francisco, that’s exactly what I’m about to enjoy. After relaxing at home over Christmas and New Year I’m going to take a long weekend in the Bay Area. Of course this is only putting off the inevitable return to work, but putting off the inevitable is pretty much what life is all about.

Kinky shenanigans may well be on the agenda. Hopefully I’ll fit in some blogging around them. In the meantime, given that I’m feeling pretty happy about the idea of vacation², I’ll finish with a happy image. Regular readers may recognize Mistress T and Mistress Sidonia in this shot. I’m afraid I don’t know the name of the smiling gentleman in the hood.

I found this on the Happy BDSM tumblr.

Comment Problems

There seems to be something whacky happening with the comment system. Small comments seem to mostly be OK, but larger ones sometimes fail. Scott reported a problem in leaving a comment on the previous post and I can reproduce it. Unfortunately, while I can recreate the problem – a little exclamation mark sometimes pops up at the side and the comment doesn’t get submitted – I can’t figure out why it happens or what the fix is. If anyone else is having problem then please let me know by ~~leaving a comment~~ sending me an email.

While I go off to beat my head against the wall over the terrible wordpress documentation, let me leave you with this nicely posed image of a couple and some chains.

This image is by Miurihausen Photography aka Ventura Mendoza. I originally found it (in the usual annoying hacked up tumblr style with missing attribution) via this tumblr.

Ninja Submission

There’s an interesting post over at the Dumb Domme blog on the subject of ninja submission. Sadly this doesn’t involve dressing up in slinky black outfits and using shuriken to perform CBT. Instead it’s about trying to stealthily sneak submission into a relationship without going through all that pointless and tricky business of actually negotiating it.

I’ll leave the ethics of that approach for D to handle, as she has already done a fine job of it in her original post. Let me instead chime in on the practicalities of it. I’ve seen this approach to D/s mentioned many times before on various blogs and forums. I suspect it probably occurs to a lot of men harboring D/s fantasies in a vanilla relationship. In all those posts and forum conversations, I’ve never yet seen anyone report that it worked. Whatever mad ninja skills they deployed, it always seems to end in frustration. The supposed ‘dominant’ doesn’t notice and the stealthy submissive becomes upset at the lack of feedback. It turns out that a D/s interaction is a dynamic between two (or more) people, not something that can simply be projected by one person.

In her post D goes on to suggest a couple of very advanced relationship techniques that can be used instead – talking and listening. I’ll be the first to admit that they do not guarantee success. They might achieve nothing or even create new problems. However, there are plenty of positive examples out there where they did lead to a more satisfying relationship. Possibly not kinky nirvana, but perhaps a happy middle ground. I’d rather take an approach with a real chance of success over one with very little.

Of course I’ve no experience of trying the ninja approach myself, so feel free to tell me I’m wrong in the comments. Or maybe, if you’re contemplating this approach, start doing all the household chores in the nude and see how it works out. Just watch out for grease splatters when you’re cooking.

I found this image on the Domination on My terms tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original source.

Smile for the camera

This photograph put a smile on my face. Not so much for the act portrayed, but for the contrasts on display. They’re indulging in a fairly hardcore kinky activity, but she’s got a big grin and a relaxed casual pose. With careful cropping you could believe it was a cheesy pinup shot from a 70’s nude calendar. Normally I don’t like it when models appear more interested with the photographer than with each other, but this is happy enough to work. I wonder if this is post or pre-pee?

The image is of course from the now sadly defunct Other World Kingdom aka OWK.

Relax with a bitch

I said I was finished with vintage themed posts, and that remains true (sort of). This looks vintage, but is actually a more recent piece by the artist Vince Ray. It’s not signed but I managed to track its origin down via this post by my blogging pal hmp. You can see more of Vince Ray’s femdom work on the Femdom Artist site.

Amusingly when I did a reverse image search on this, the results were a mixture of femdom posts and pinterest pages on genuine vintage advertisements. I’d have though it was fairly obvious that this wasn’t a real ad, but apparently not. Even in those unenlightened male dominated times I think people would have balked at a a product called ‘Bitch Cigarettes’.