Pro versus Lifestyle

Stabbity over at Not Just Bitchy has me reaching for my keyboard again. A couple of weeks ago her comments on force in a scene triggered two different posts (here and here). This time it’s her provocatively titled Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms post. In this particular case I find myself violently agreeing with part of that post and incredibly puzzled by the rest of it.

The part I violently agree with is that pro-doms and lifestyle doms offer different things. That’s clearly true. A few scheduled hours of very focused intense play is nothing like a natural evolving organic relationship. Even if you play with the same domme very regularly (as I do), it’s not an approximation for a lifestyle interaction. The relationship you create may be a very positive and real one, but it’s established on an entirely different basis from a lifestyle D/s one and grows differently because of that. I also agree that the guy who expects a lifestyle relationship to play out like a 24×7 fantasy fulfilling professional session is an idiot.

Where I find myself confused by Stabbity is when she then goes on to divide men up into two very different groups…

If what a guy really wants is a dominant girlfriend, he’s not likely to have a lot of interest in seeing pro doms. Not getting to build a relationship with them would be a deal breaker, not a selling point. On the other hand, someone with an extremely demanding job who just doesn’t have time for a relationship but wants to get his kink on isn’t likely to get what he wants from a lifestyle dom.
Stabbity in Pro-doms V’s Lifestyle doms

I can’t speak for all submissive guys, but that perspective does not reflect either my own or the one I see most guys describing. It suggests that the two experiences are so different that it divides submissives into two distinct and non-overlapping types. I think it’s much more of a continuum than that, and that the differences between pro and lifestyle play do not manifest themselves in that way.

To draw a rough analogy: Some men only want sex in a committed relationship. Some men only want casual sex and wish to avoid relationships. But some men (a lot in my view) would be happy to have casual sex while they search for the right relationship. If they haven’t found Miss Perfect they’ll happily fool around with Miss Fun and her attractive sister Miss Available. Particularly if that fooling around doesn’t stand in the way of searching for Miss Perfect.

It’s certainly possible to build a relationship with a pro-domme. It’s also certainly not the same as a lifestyle relationship. And that is not a deal breaker for a lot of guys who’d like a lifestyle relationship because playing with a pro-domme is goddamn fun. I’ve had some of the best and most intense experiences of my life with them. I’m kind of hoping that doesn’t cross me off the dating list for any dominant women out there.

Ella Kros

Given the topic of discussion it seems only appropriate to feature a photograph of a pro-domme. This is Mistress Ella Kros. If you’re anywhere near Tel-Aviv her session information is here.

Tidying up the art gallery

After adding Jay Em to my Femdom Art pages I took the opportunity to browse through the other artists and do some clean-up. I was astonished how many dead links there were. It’s kind of depressing to see how ephemeral the internet can be. The anal retentive geek in me expects everyone to keep everything exactly as I found it.

On the plus side, as part of the updating process, I did discover a few interesting new links. In particular I found new sites for Gene Bilbrew, Bernard Montorguiel, Rubex and Eric Stanton. I also stumbled across the interesting Retroyguy site and a fine obituary for Eric Stanton. Hopefully every link on the three artist pages should now be live and useful. Feel free to leave me a comment should that prove not to be true.

I’ll leave you with a couple of images from Bernard Montorguiel. I particularly enjoyed the first one. There’s quite a lot going on in it. There’s a picture of a mistress with some strange floppy gloves, a bunch of animal faced slaves, a forceful maid and an excited slave. I can’t say it does much for me erotically, but I am intrigued by what buttons it was pushing for the artist. The second image is a little more conventional, apart from the odd burglar mask being worn. That looks about as useful a disguise as Clark Kent’s glasses.

Bernard Montorguiel Artwork

Bernard Montorguiel Artwork

Red doesn’t always mean stop

I was intrigued to read this article on the relationship between color and behavior. Its basic conclusions are that color can have a significant effect on emotional response, and that people associated with red appear more sexually appealing. Women in red bordered images are rated more attractive, red clothes generate more hits on dating sites and hitchhikers in red have a better chance of being picked up. It apparently works for both men and women, although the article doesn’t cite any studies featuring men as the subjects.

Clearly this is where I’ve been going wrong. My wardrobe is full of blue, grey and black. I should have been modelling my style on Santa Claus or The Flash. Or possibly even Little Red Riding Hood, if I wanted to throw a bit of kinky cross dressing into the mix.

The mistress in this Divine Bitches shoot has certainly got the red look well sorted out. She’s even color coordinated her electroshock prod. I wonder if the attraction created by her dress is neatly offset by the pain of being shocked in his mouth? That’s the kind of useful survey that scientists never seem to get around to.

Mistress in a red dress
Mistress in a red dress

Long live the new flesh

The image below is of Debbie Harry, singer in one of the greatest New Wave bands, and star of one of my favorite movies – Videodrome. Directed by David Cronenberg, it’s a strange hallucinatory film, blending horror and science fiction with BDSM and media culture.

This shot is taken from it but, unfortunately for femdom fans, it’s not indicative of her character as she doesn’t play a domme role. Instead she’s a masochistic pleasure seeker, mixed up with a sleazy TV executive (James Woods) and a weird pirate S&M TV channel. It’s a movie very much ahead of its time as this video review makes clear. It’s also very much a love/hate kind of movie, and if you like clear plots and unambiguous characters I’d steer clear. On the other hand, fans of weirdness, stylish cult movies and strange thought provoking scenes will probably love it. Plus, it features a very sexy piercing play scene between the two stars, which must be unique in Hollywood movies.

Still from Videodrome featuring Debbie Harry

I found this on the he stoops to worship (aka Devoted Sub) tumblr.

Nothing to be sniffed at

Over at the Pure Liquid Kink blog there’s an interest post up about scent. It ponders why scent play isn’t more common, and why it isn’t talked about it more. After all sense of smell is a huge part of our sensorium.

Offhand I can think of a bunch of different reasons for its limited usage. Firstly, it’s hard to control. It’s relatively easy to modify your appearance or the sounds you make. In contrast making your body give off a particular scent is more of a black art. Secondly, it’s tricky to schedule. It takes time or a gym visit to develop a good sexy funk and, unless you have immediate access to a shower, it can’t be removed instantly. So planning is required. Finally, it’s a tough thing not to share. What’s sexy for a partner might not be so sexy to share with your work colleagues. After all, you wouldn’t want them nicknaming you after a well known Terry Pratchett character.

…his smell has become strong enough to not only melt earwax but to acquire a separate existence. In fact, it outclasses him, and is usually referred to in text as being almost another character entirely, who occasionally arrives ahead of Ron, opts to stick around for a while after his departure, and even goes to upper-class parties without him.
Wikipedia entry on Foul Old Ron

While that kind of smell is a little more edge play than I care for, the overall idea of scent play is a hot one for me. The natural perfume of a woman is sexy. It’s both a very physical and very intimate thing. And while it’s true that scent doesn’t get talked about a huge amount, there’s clearly a lot of interest in it. Whenever I see pro-dommes or porn stars selling clothing items, smell is frequently a big advertising point, whether it’s funky sneakers or more intimately fragranced items.

Armpit licking

I found this image on the Adore Femdom tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution.

Channeling the inner dominatrix

If you keep an eye out for BDSM articles in the press, you’ll quickly discover there are two common templates that pop up repeatedly. One is the latest gossip on the 50 shades of grey phenomena. The other features a model or actress pulling on something vaguely fetishistic and being described as channeling her inner dominatrix. It might only be a pair of leather boots or a black shiny dress, but inevitably a dominatrix will be being channeled.

The latest story to use this template features Cara Delevingne and Karl Lagerfeld. It’s a particularly annoying example thanks to the two different collars Cara is wearing. It doesn’t make any sense to couple an aggressive domme look with collars that are designed for attaching a leash to. It seems they just throw any vaguely fetishistic gear together without a thought for what it actually means. Which is particularly bad when you’re supposed to be a fashion designer and the meaning, look and utility of clothes is your stock in trade.

By way of a contrast I give you the image below. These women really seem to be getting the hang of their inner dominatrix, and not a hint of leather, latex or overpriced couture clothing in sight.

Channeling their inner dominatrix

I found this on the Femdom Style Counsel tumblr. It’s originally from the Women Spanking Men site.

Me not think too good

It has been a long day. I did an intense and very enjoyable session with Cynthia Stone on the afternoon and followed it with an excellent dinner at Spago. I’m certainly not complaining, but my ability to write coherent and witty posts may have been curtailed. Not that there was ever a great potential there to start with.

While I attempt to sleep off this cocktail of adrenalin, endorphins and alcohol, I’ll leave you with a shot I found on the wonderfully named Food, Fucking and Femdom tumblr. That’s pretty much my favorite three things in life. In this particular case I love the blurred cane and the well marked ass.

Caning

Definition of kinky

After yesterday’s celebrity post I figured I’d follow up with another kinky Hollywood story. I didn’t have anything specific in mind, but it seemed appropriate given I’m in the area. I assumed kinky stories about Hollywood celebrities would be a dime a dozen and therefore easy to find.

However, I was amazed to discover that in the celebrity gossip world, kinky = homosexual. Or at least that seemed to be the case based on my search engine investigations. Any ‘kinky’ story in the news always seemed to involve a same sex hook-up. Technically the definition of kinky means ‘unusual sexual behavior’, which I guess could cover homosexuality by some usages of ‘unusual’, but that seems pretty outdated to me. I can only assume the celebrity gossip is still stuck in the 80’s when it comes to sexuality. Gay women are titillating, gay men are outrageous and anything more risque than that should not be mentioned.

Ellen Von Unwerth image from her series 'Revenge'

The image is by Ellen Von Unwerth from series she titled Revenge.