Femdom Resource – Page 290 – The beauty of dominant women

A hint of vanilla revisited

This is a follow-up post to this earlier one. I received several lengthy comments, including a response from Mistress Rex which she re-posted to her blog. I started to write a detailed comment as a reply, but decided it’d be easier to simply create a new post. Apologies to those people who weren’t particularly interested in the original discussion to start with. I promise to include an attractive picture at the end by way of compensation.

I want to start with the ‘my way or the highway’ aspect.

Pro Dommes who state from the get-go what is expected in communication – whether it’s as simple as how she is addressed to the more complicated issues of capitalization – it is entirely in her right and reason to do so…
…if it bothers you, find someone else.
Mistress Rex

I think that’s simultaneously true and also irrelevant to the discussion. It’s an argument that taken to its logical extreme would mean never writing about negotiation and interaction with pro-dommes, because the answer can always be “If you don’t like it go elsewhere.” Obviously what I’m writing about here are my personal feelings and expectations. The kind of interaction that I find meaningful and reasonable. I’ve certainly voted with my feet in the past and no doubt will do so again in future. This discussion is about some of the things that might cause me (and other submissives) to do that.

I should also add that I’m not talking about the kind of rules that are necessary for the smooth running of a business. Only calling between certain hours, requiring a reference or deposit, meeting in a neutral space for the first time, etc. These all are sensible operating parameters, and don’t imply anything about the D/s dynamic.

The issue for me is related to the sentiment that coined the expression “I may be a submissive, but I’m not your submissive.” This expression often crops up in the context of social gatherings, where it’s important to emphasize that submission to one dominant does not imply submission to all. For me that same idea can also be applied temporally. Just because I will submit in a session doesn’t automatically imply I should be submissive and deferential outside it.

It is unclear to me if the comments here are in objection to inequality wholesale, or if the men here feel more simply that the demands from these ProDommes were displaced via the lack of personalized attention toward the defining of a unequal power exchange.
Mistress Rex

I’d say my objection is to an assumption of inequality without negotiation or agreement. Refinement and evolution of roles is always going to happen as a relationship (professional or otherwise) develops. But I start from a position of equality. I think it’d be presumptuous of either party to assume otherwise. I might be a submissive, but I’m not her submissive until we agree that. Anyone insisting on lower casing my name and pronouns before they’ve even met me, simply strikes me as insecure. And insisting slaves email multiple times to get a response doesn’t put me into a suitably submissive mindset. It just makes me think that the mistress is crap at running her business.

I’ll also add that there was one comment I saw which, in contrast to Mistress Rex’s thoughtful words, struck me as fairly daft.

When men pay, they feel like they have license to top from the bottom.

Firstly, that’s a ridiculously sweeping generalization. And secondly, it misses the point of this discussion, which is about what goes on outside of negotiated play.

That’s probably enough of my random ramblings. As promised here’s an attractive and entirely unrelated picture to finish the post. It’s not really femdom material, but I saw it on Erotic Haecceities and thought she was adorably cute.

Some times its a discomfort within the ass

I get a lot of random spam posted to the comments on this blog. They are mostly useless rubbish, but occasionally the odd one makes me smile. I was particularly impressed with a recent example that claimed I’d been specially chosen and that I just need to fill in a form to make the link from their junky random page permanent. It takes a special kind of nerve to turn a bogus link from a spam farm into some sort of prize.

However, the one I came across today takes the comedic prize. Bad translations are rife, with many channeling the spirit of 1980’s Japanese electronics manuals, but this one managed to get lucky and almost match my blog content.

Some times its a discomfort within the ass to read what weblog owners wrote but this internet web site is actually user genial !

I’m flattered that they think I’m user genial. While a discomfort within the ass sounds painful, in the right hands it can be kind of fun. For example, I give you the following two images.

That looks like my kind of discomfort. The first one I found on Pegtastic tumblr site and the second on the Confession of a sex addict tumblr site.

Happy but not satisfied

She’s smiling and sitting back to watch, but something tells me this isn’t going to be the conclusion of the proceedings. It looks like she’s got him into a good position and is relaxing for a few minutes, enjoying his struggles as he vainly tries to find a comfortable position. Before too long I suspect that she’ll be looking to explore all the other tortuous options that this kind of vunerable position affords.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this. I found it on the Eager to Please tumblr site.

So embarrassing. So good.

There are some images I post that I feel almost proud of. They’re erotic, artistic and intellectually satisfying. I know I’ve done nothing but re-post somebody else’s creative expression, but it makes me happy that I can share it with others. They’re the kind of images you’d be proud to stick on a poster for a BDSM protest march and say ‘This is who we are.’

Today’s post is not one of those images.

I’m not really sure why I like it as much as I do. The submissive looks so embarrassed and so guilty about what she’s doing. Those are not normally appealing traits for me. And yet at the same time, she’s also lost in the moment. That dirty sock is filling her senses. Just looking at this makes me want to go and write a highly pornographic story featuring these two young ladies. I think it’d feature a sadistic college room mate, guilty secrets, suppressed emotions and lots of dirty laundry. Look out for it as a future Hallmark channel movie of the week.I found this on the Mistress Hana site.

A hint of vanilla

The post title sounds like it’d be more suitable to Martha Stewart’s blog, but instead I’m going to talk about a (relatively) recent post from Mistress Rex. Specifically there are two sections in her post I wanted to pick up on, one negatively and one positively.

The negative is more of a quibble than anything, triggered by a certain phrasing in the post.

There are endless complaints by Dommes on various social media platforms regarding contact from clients who don’t “get it” – men who don’t know their place and compose emails that in no way defer to the addressee;
Mistress Rex

It often strikes me that some pro-dommes want to have it both ways. They’re understandably insistent that session play doesn’t carry across to the real world. The D/s dynamic is very much a timed and negotiated agreement, lasting just while the session does. They don’t want to have to deal with guys acting submissively and trying to force them into a mistress role when communicating outside of a session. Yet at the same time, some of them often seem happy to carry across D/s elements when it turns out to be useful to them.

I should emphasize at this point that I’m not referring to Mistress Rex herself (who I’ve sadly never interacted with professionally), or any of the dommes I’ve named and written about on this blog in the past (who all behaved entirely professionally). But the word ‘defer’ in that quote, along with the bit about ‘know their place’, sat uncomfortably with me and put me in mind of some on-line behavior I’ve seen and experienced. For example, a domme claiming she can’t be bothered to check email to often, so slaves should be prepared to email her several times and not get impatient if she doesn’t respond with a week. Or domme’s using stupid capitalization rules to put me into a specific role when we’re only just making initial email contact. Or domme’s expecting some sort of different or special allowances when sessions have to be cancelled or re-arranged.

Outside a session a domme will get respect, politeness and consideration from me, but not deference. And I’ll expect exactly the same thing back from her in return. Bleeding the D/s dynamics across that divide is only OK if that’s part of an ongoing and agreed relationship, and not if it’s simply a double standard at work.

That minor quibble aside, the positive part of the post that really spoke to me is quoted below.

…I like inviting vanilla into sessions rather than leaving it at the door, because I like there to be a perceivable exchange of power right there between the two of us. I don’t want to keep vanilla at a safe distance, outside the walls of the dungeon where it can be preserved and slipped back into unaltered; I want it right there in the room where it can be mutilated, transformed.
…
This is what I reckon is the problem with many commercial sessions: you can’t make it real until it gets real. You can’t force it; the organic exchange does not occur by walking through a door.
Mistress Rex

One of the things that put me off going to see a pro-domme for the longest time was the idea of the transition. On one hand I had this mental picture of a cliched pro-domme session (naked guy, on all fours, leashed, getting whipped) and on the other hand I had me. Normal, boring me, standing in a room with a woman I’d never met before. Somehow it seemed impossible to see how one vision could transition to the other. I didn’t want to fake it or act out a role that wasn’t me. This was supposed to be BDSM, not the local amateur dramatics society .

Fortunately, when I did finally arrange a session, I was lucky enough to find a pro-domme in Lady Lydia who really understood what Mistress Rex is talking about here. When we play there isn’t a hard transition point. We don’t suddenly go from friendly chatting into full D/s mode. There are jokes. A little two way teasing and perhaps some prodding of old fading marks. Then slowly, a little edge slips in. She’s still has a smile, but now there’s a sadistic glint in it. The pain levels go up and my options go down. Over the next fifteen or twenty minutes the balance and interaction between us may shift back and forth, but there’s only one general direction, and that’s into our respective top/bottom headspaces that lie at the heart of the session. Without any force or artificiality she takes the sensible plain vanilla me that walked in the door and mutates him into a far more interesting flavor.

I wasn’t exactly sure what image was best fitted to illustrate this post, so I just went into my folder of general images I like. This one is from the Femdom Proper tumblr site and caught my eye for her quirky smile.

The cat that got the cream

Here’s someone looking very pleased with herself. As the old expression my family uses would go – “She looks like the cat that got the cream.” Although when it comes to licking and liquids, I suspect that right now that’s probably more in his department.

I’m afraid I don’t know the original source for this. I found it on the Dishevelled Domina tumblr site.

All sorts of good stuff

A quick post tonight. Having fun in Vegas is not particularly conducive to writing thoughtful and intelligent blog posts. Some might argue I struggle to achieve that under the best circumstances, let alone after much food and wine.

Fortunately this image contains all sorts of good stuff that speaks for itself. There’s a cute cross-dresser. I particularly like her flowing curly hair. There’s an interesting CBT humbler device. And finally there’s the predicament bondage involving high heels. I’ve no idea what the context for this shot is, but I like it.

I found this image at the Curious Asian tumblr site.

Y: The Last Man

I’m part way through reading a really excellent graphic novel entitled “Y: The Last Man.” I’ve never been a fan of the more traditional style comic books, but this steers clear of superhero cliches and the traditional clunky expository style speeches. Instead it reads more like a clever hip TV show, with funny snappy dialog and sly cultural references.

The premise is that every man (and male animal) drops dead at exactly the same time, leaving only those people without a Y chromosome alive. The only exception is a single young man named Yorick and his pet male monkey. What follows is the story of his quest to find his girlfriend (he’s in the US, she’s in Australia), while the 3B remaining women in the world try and deal with the aftermath of this cataclysmic event.

The author has obviously had a lot of fun thinking about some of the less obvious effects of such a societal shift. The obvious male dominated fields like engineering and law enforcement are clearly going to be a problem. But what about politics? There are comparatively few female politicians, and most of those are from the Democratic party (in the US). So by default the Democrats end up in charge, which doesn’t sit well with the surviving wives of the Republican politicians. The military is another male dominated area, with the exception of Israel, which conscripts and trains women and men. Israel is therefore vaulted into the forefront as a military power, something they’re not slow to take advantage of. There series is full of such intriguing ideas, most of which are great illustrations of just how unequally divided the world still is.

For the most part the books do a good job of subverting the obvious sexual expectations of being the only man on a planet full of women. Yorick spends most of his time hiding and trying not to be killed or kidnapped, rather than trying to repopulate the planet. But there’s one interesting sub-plot where he has an encounter with an aggressive and apparently dominant woman. Things don’t play out exactly as you might expect from these two front page shots, but it adds an entertaining erotic twist into a plot that’s already fairly unusual from a gender and sexual point of view.

Do I tell you how to shoot porn?

Regular readers of this blog will know I’m always attracted to interesting expressions. I’ll take an amusing look or intriguing countenance over a hot body any day of the week. The shot below manages to deliver on all fronts, with desirable expressions and bodies.

His look is a fairly straightforward one. There’s a touch of surprise in there, along with a lot of “Oxygen is getting to be a problem!”

Her expression is a little harder to pin down. She probably just got told to glare moodily at the camera, in true (i.e. cliched) femdom fashion. However, I like to think she’s actually responding to a suggestion on what to do next from the photographer. In my world she’s thinking “Do I tell you how to shoot porn? I know how to sit on a man’s face and smack his cock around. Shut up and let me get to work here.”

I found this on the Femdom Marriage tumblr site. It’s originally from the Deviant David site. According to the site FAQ…

“Deviant David” Christopher, aka Pussyman is one of the true pioneers of Facesitting/Femdom videos. He started in New York in the early 1980’s working with Eric Stanton and then went on to produce “Pussy Power” and “Queens of Kink”

A nice healthy pink colour

Just a quick post today. I’m heading off for a few days R&R in Las Vegas, and still need to pack my case. I aim to keep posting, but it might be a little more erratic than usual.

In the meantime here’s a well tied and well bruised slave. There are some interesting patches of pink and red on his body, and he looks to be in the perfect position for the mistress to decorate him a little more. That position pulls the skin and muscles around the ass and thighs very tight, which’ll make any cane or strap she decides to employ exquisitely painful.

I found this on the Mina Kinks tumblr site. It’s originally from the Divine Bitches site.