The Wrong Approach

There are plenty of online articles about how to introduce kink into a relationship. This AITA Reddit post, featuring a man behaving like a toddler in a supermarket,  reads like a great example of how not to do it. Admittedly, it’s not entirely clear if it is a kink thing. It could also be a mental health crisis. However, given he seems to be able to turn it on and off, only directs the infantile behavior towards his wife, and accused her of being judgmental about it, my guess would be it’s a very badly handled big / little kink. That’s a pretty specialized interest, and having a meltdown in a supermarket over a “CHOCWIT ICE CWEAM” is a non-optimal way to involve a partner in it. Although I guess it could be worse. He could have been demanding a diaper change.

This ABDL image is from the Allerted Universe whose Patreon you can find here.

Ariel on OnlyFans

My friends have occasionally accused me of being lazy. I like to say I’m not lazy, I’m just an efficient time optimizer. Put off a task for long enough and it’ll often naturally resolve itself or cease to be important. Anything that does make it past a good healthy period of procrastination is probably important.

As an illustration of my method, I give you this rather silly article on OnlyFans by Louise Perry in the New Statesman. It was in my backlog to post about and throw stones at. Fortunately, while I was putting off doing that, Ariel Anderssen wrote this excellent response to it. She’s not only a smarter and a better writer than me but, as an OnlyFans creator, she can speak from a position of authority. So I saved time and my readers got a link to a much better analysis than the rubbish I was planning on writing.

The only thing I’ll tack on is a comment about the politics of the original piece. For those that have never heard of it, the New Stateman is a politically left magazine from the UK. I expect the right to be negative about sex work but I find it depressing how often it’s also attacked by the left.

The right’s objections are predictably based around morality, religion and enforcing social standards. They focus on the sex part, which should obviously be between a man and his wife, preferably in the missionary position with the lights out. The left typically object to the work part, suggesting that sex work is inherently exploitative, both for the seller and the buyer. There are no grey area for them. Formerly moderate lefties in other areas will turn into Marxists when sex enters the marketplace.

There also seems to be an underlying streak of puritanism in the left’s objections. Not the fake morality of the right, but more a sense that people enjoying themselves is somehow unfair. When reading the New Statesman article I couldn’t help thinking of the H. L. Mencken famous definition of puritanism  as “the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy”. In this particular case it seems to be a fear that someone might be happy and someone else might make a living from that fact. A truly terrible set of circumstances.


Ariel Anderssen is a  sub BDSM model, so most of her images aren’t well suited to this blog. However, I did think my foot loving readers might appreciate this one I found on her twitter feed. For anyone who does appreciate some beautifully done female submission, then her OnlyFans is available here.

One More Snap

Here’s a final post in my kinky micro-niche theme of ‘Women photographing men from positions of power.’ Although, having said it’s a micro-niche, it was actually surprisingly easy to find images for it. For example, here’s another one I posted a few years back. I suspect the reason for that is the same reason that lots of books feature authors as a leading character. It’s easy to portray what you know, so photographers create images of people creating images.

This is Mischa Barton shot for Genlux magazine in 2009. The actual photographer was Marc Baptiste. You can see more from the shoot here.

Snapping Her Shot

I’m continuing the theme of ‘Women photographing men in poses of power.’ It’s a niche kink I’ll admit, but when you’re ten years and a few thousand posts into kinky blogging, then getting around to micro-niche kinks is inevitable at some point. This one even has a little suggestion of bondage thrown in.

This is Uma Thurman with Marcus Schenkenberg, as shot by Ellen Von Unwerth for Vs Magazine. You can see more shots from the session here. Sadly none of the others have quite the same vibe as this one.

Photographer and Model

A short and sweet post for today, featuring an image from deep in my tumblr archives. I guess technically, from a fetish perspective, this counts as CFNM. However, I like it for the composition and their body language. He appears relaxed while she is purposeful, but both seem confident and assured in their respective roles.

I’m afraid I’ve no idea where this is from. Reverse image searching didn’t get me anything. It clearly looks like an art shot, rather than a fetish/erotic one. If anyone can help me attribute the photographer then please leave me a comment.

Edge-o-Matic 3000

I think it’s been pretty clearly established that mixing high-tech with a chastity device isn’t always the best idea in the world.  However, that doesn’t mean mixing technology, kink and sex is always a bad idea. For example, these NoGasm and Edge-o-Matic 3000 devices featured here seem like interesting concepts to explore.

From what I can gather – not having tried the devices – they’re automated edging devices. A sensor in a butt plug is used to detect contraction in the pelvic floor, which in turn is used to turn off stimulation via a vibrator. It seems like a neat approach. Speaking for myself, I can never get close to orgasm with clenching those pelvic muscles, so I’d imagine it’d be fairly effective. Also, unlike the Bluetooth chastity devices, it seems pretty safe and unlikely to require a trip to the local ER to remove it. The Edge-o-Matic does include WiFi support for remote control, but the worst a hacker could do would be to mess with your orgasm via the vibrator speed. Demanding money in return for making a vibrator go faster isn’t quite the same as ransoming off the keys to someone’s chastity device.

The main issue I see is that it only appears to work with a fairly basic vibrator + magic wand accessories. I think it’d be a lot more compelling if it interfaced to something like a Tremblr Milking machine or a Venus device. That’d give more intense sensations, which would lead to a really compelling edging/ruining experience. From the bottom of this page, it sounds like those interfaces might be in the works.

If anyone has tried one of these, I’d love to hear your thoughts on it. If you’re interested in purchasing one then the source is Maus-Tec and the creator has a twitter thread on it here.

Of course, it’s always hard to beat the personal touch when it comes to edging and ruining orgasms. This is Sasha Foxxx – an expert at the art – shooting for Marks Head Bobbers and Hand Jobbers. I believe this image is from this specific clip.

Shifting the Blame

In the ‘food for thought’ category of articles comes this one from the Guardian – Rough sex excuse in women’s deaths is variation of ‘crime of passion’. It addresses the growing use of BDSM as an excuse/defense by men when tried for killing women, based on a study by Prof Elizabeth Yardley. It’s not exactly the kind of BDSM article I usually feature here, but I think it’s an important issue for all kinky people to be aware of.

My limited reading of a few of the cases involved suggested a couple of things to me. Firstly, that the men involved were all monsters and deserved to be jailed for a very long time. Secondly, what they were doing looked nothing like BDSM as practiced by regular kinky people. It seems like violent abuse with rough sex gone wrong tacked on at the end as an excuse. I therefore found this somewhat odd…

She concluded that the normalisation of BDSM “has enabled abusers to justify and excuse fatal violence against women using formal sex equality and women’s liberation against them”.

The problem to me doesn’t look like the normalization of BDSM, but the acceptance by the courts that this behavior is a form of it and that this in turn acts as mitigation. BDSM wasn’t a gateway to their behavior. It appears to be a fig leaf hastily grabbed after the fact. Consensual kink has always been with us. So, sadly, has domestic violence. We clearly shouldn’t let the recognition of the former be twisted into an excuse for the assholes guilty of the latter. By way of analogy, the normalization of motor sports doesn’t provide an excuse for someone causing a fatal accident when driving at 90mph through a school zone.

Long prison sentences are clearly deserved for anyone guilty of domestic violence. Although another potential direction to adopt would be shorten a few things.

I’m not sure who the artist of this piece is. It has some similarities with work by Juan Payal and Stig, but I don’t believe it’s either of them.

Service Submissive

The Femdom world is replete with stories of service slaves who fail miserable at their chosen role. These stories all play out in much the same way. Domme engages slave for cleaning, polishing, organizing, etc. Slave does a terrible job unless constantly micro-managed by domme via kinky roleplay. Slave is more trouble than he’s worth and gets dismissed. Domme swears off engaging any slaves for service in future.

Of course, there are always exceptions. For example, this article in Elle magazine – ‘I Hired A Gimp To Clean My Apartment‘ – plays out slightly differently. From the opening paragraphs it seems set for disaster. It features two inexperienced young dommes, an investment banker, and no clear sense that anyone knows what they’re doing or how to negotiate a BDSM dynamic. Yet oddly it doesn’t end with angry recriminations or the investment banker in hospital. While the writer never grows to love her role, it seems her flatmate is more than happy to take charge. So maybe the answer to successfully managing a service submissive is getting a service domme to manage them for you.

Personally, I’ve no desire to clean, tidy or polish. That’s definitely not my skillset. However, I think I’d make an excellent kitchen submissive. I can prep, cook and pour wine with the best of them.

Lots of Leather

One of things I’ve really missed this year is travelling to NYC and playing with Troy Orleans and Mistress Tess. As well as both being fabulous dommes, they’re also voracious collectors of equipment and fetish gear. I’ve had some really intense experiences with them and their collections over the years. For example, this scene and this with Mistress Tess. This scene and this with Troy.

While stuck at home I’ve had to get my kink equipment kicks second hand and online. One of the best sources for that is Mistress Hinako, who has some amazing gear. She recently shared the image below (via this tweet), after a new delivery of leather toys. I don’t particularly have a leather fetish, but I do love this setup. Harsh, immobilizing but also richly sensual. Just the kind of freaky fun I’m craving right now.

If you’d like to see more from Mistress Hinako, she has an OnlyFans here. You can find her twitter here and her professional site here.

Relief

This week has been the political equivalent of a very extended edging scene. Four days of national blue balls, with the ballot counts offering a lot of tease and denial. Fortunately it ended with relief all around and not a ruin. Now we get to watch another scene equivalent play out – a two month long public humiliation.  At the end of a terrible year, this could be just the happy ending we all need.

This image isn’t exactly an edging scene, but it does remind me of a famous political quote typically attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: ‘If you’ve got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. ‘ Hopefully the new President can do some metaphorical grabbing in the coming months.

I believe this is from the site femaledom.com.