The beauty of dominant women
The 2019 edition of the Femdom Ball was held recently. You can see a selection of images from it via this twitter tag. My personal favorite image is the one below from Eris Martinet. I think her dress and fascinator (which she created herself) are beautiful, and this pose is a sweet one.
If you’d like to see more from Eris Martinet then check out her new Loyal Fans site.
A few week ago Mistress Troy Orleans posted an interesting twitter thread on her approach to play and the difficulty of finding appropriate labels for it. I liked a lot of things about, particularly this sexy as hell digression, but I wanted to pick up on the following section in particular…
During a scene, I’m undeniably in control, but if something’s not working, I’ll adjust. My ego’s not attached to the action.
I think that’s an important point for people on both sides of the D/s equation. BDSM is complicated, particularly when doing heavy bondage or intense play. No matter how skilled the participants are – and Troy Orleans is very highly skilled – not everything will work out exactly as expected.
I’ve played with a small number of dommes who did tend to get frustrated or annoyed when a particular setup wasn’t working out as they’d imagined. Those were typically one off visits, because that reaction really kills the dynamic for me. I’m looking for someone in control, which means of themselves as well as of me. Control is about remaining in command of the situation when things don’t work, not trying to make the impossible possible. Plus, watching dommes creatively problem solve and experiment on me in realtime is hot AF.
On the flipside of the coin, from the submissive perspective, I think there can be a danger of treating play as a form of theater, with the domme as the actor and the submissive as both audience and props. That feeds into the bad idea of a scene as crafted narrative that needs to be executed for it to be successful. In reality it’s a highly collaborative process, where the end goal is a creation of a particular energy. Adjusting to something not work out should be viewed as part of building that energy, not a failure of the process. Variation and adaption are what make each experience unique.
Here’s a shot from Mistress Troy Orlean’s twitter feed of a man under her very tight control. You can see more media from her via her OnlyFans.
I’m starting on my New Year’s resolutions early this year by ordering myself a tight neoprene hood from Mr S Leather. Admittedly, buying fetish gear sounds more like kinky fun times than self-improvement, but there is method to my madness.
Regular blog readers may be aware that I have an issue with hoods. They stress me the hell out. A fact which I find annoying. Anytime I don’t like something it annoys me. I feel like I’m missing out. Hoods tend to be a big part of heavy bondage and I’d love to be able to incorporate them into my scenes. I totally understand both their aesthetic and sensory value, but so far that knowledge hasn’t helped when it comes to my stress levels.
My brilliant plan for 2020 is therefore to buy one for home and wear it in non-stressful situations. Like while washing up or doing food preparation. If I can train my brain to realize that wearing a hood doesn’t equal instant death by suffocation, then perhaps I can start to use them in scenes. I know of at least a couple of dommes who’d love to get me into their hood collection. In the meantime, if any of my Seattle readers spot a strange hooded man through the windows of a condo building, then rest easy. It’s just your friendly neighborhood femdom blogger trying to improve his kinky life skills. I shall keep you all up to date on how my experiment goes.
This is exactly the kind of fun hood I hope to condition myself to handle. Sadly I don’t have an attribution for it. As ever, if you know the source for this image, then please leave me a comment.
Here’s a somewhat unusual way to do foot worship. I can’t tell if it’s clever or really lazy. I think I’m going to work on the assumption that it’s a hello or goodbye moment, and so he’s paused briefly on the stairs to mark that. Not that he’s been standing halfway up his staircase for the last 20 minutes because he can’t be bothered to kneel down. I certainly can’t imagine that the white wood railing is doing much to improve the kinky mood.
I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.
This cartoon is mining a common vein for jokes, but it’s a nicely done example of the type. I particularly like how happy the dogs are to see their new 2 legged friend. It looks like a fun time for all. Well apart from the domme that is, who sadly has the requisite scowl in place. That’s probably the least realistic thing about this cartoon. Given how much the average domme love animals, there’s no way she’d not be smiling in this situation.
I might be being particularly dumb, but the signature on this cartoon baffles me. Can anyone point me at the artist so I can attribute it appropriately?
Updated: Thanks to a helpful comment from Tom I can attribute this to cartoonist Derek Evernden, who created the series Bogart Creek. You can purchase his book and prints (including of this one) here.
Dommes have it easy. For most people getting a clean glass is a major challenge involving dishwashers. Not so for your average domme. She just has to pull on some tight, impractical and possibly chilly fetish wear. Then she whistles up her nearest naked slave and stands over him during the cleaning process to ensure he does it properly. A well practiced disdainful look can be helpful at this stage. Possibly he might screw-up on purpose to get a beating. Possibly he might decide halfway through that this isn’t his kind of scene and he wants to re-negotiate it. But, those pitfalls safely dodged, in just a few short hours she’ll have a clean glass. She is then just two slaves and one whipping away from getting that glass of Chardonnay she’s after.
This vintage image come courtesy of a tweet by mrunderheel.
A short post tonight. I’m still floating from Savannah Sly sticking a bunch of needles into me and calling me ‘a good boy’. Clothespins, electricity and breathplay may also have been involved. I’ve now got the kind of post session buzz going where I periodically pause whatever I’m doing, reflect on the night and smile to myself.
I’ll also add that while I’ve played with a lot of fancy BDSM furniture over the years, there’s something to be said for a simple padded table with a heated pad on it. It makes for a nice contrast to have one side of the body toasty, warm and comfortable while terribly painful things are happening to the other side. One might as well be comfortable while one is tortured.
This very sexy shot of Savannah is from her twitter feed. If you’d like to see more from her, she also has an OnlyFans you can follow.
This post was originally going to feature the most overrated item in the BDSM toolbox. After the last couple of posts on underrated equipment, I thought that might be a fun way to finish this series. Unfortunately, after pondering the idea, I’m not sure there are any good candidates for that category. Everything commonly used has its fans. I’m personally not a fan of blindfolds, but I know that a lot of other kinksters love them. Figging would be another personal choice for overrated activities, but I’m not sure something so niche could ever be described as overrated.
Instead let me go with the most overrated BDSM pose, as exemplified by the image below. This kind of shot crops up in fashion shoots all the time. It’s a strong visual and one photographers always reach for when wanting to portray a femdom dynamic. Yet in my opinion, it doesn’t work well in real play. There’s no sense of connection between the domme/sub and, if you want to do objectification, then a footstool or table position is much easier to maintain for a longer period. It’s a pose that’s great for a camera but not much else.
This is the model Lydia Possner as shot by Markus Brink. More images from the same shoot in this post.
Yesterday’s post featured floggers, an implement with a high utility in play but comparatively limited representation in BDSM imagery. As soon as I published the post it occurred to me that there was another implement that had a much stronger claim to the most skewed misrepresentation. That would be the humble clothespin. Relatively rare in BDSM porn. A staple of kinky play.
The beauty of clothespins is their versatility. You can attach them to any part of the body. Grab a thin slice of tight skin and they can be very intense. Pick a generous fleshy part and they’re a mild buzz. You can twist them, rub against them and yank them off. Tie them together and you’ve got a zipper. Shave their ends down and you’ve got a much tighter and more focused pinch. Small ones feel different to the big ones, and plastic ones different to the wooden ones. Most fun of all – once you pull them off then rubbing the pinched spot is a whole different sensation. In terms of cost versus benefit, there’s no question that the simple clothespin is the kinky bargain to beat all others.
This image – featuring a simple clothespin zipper – is from the Kink VR site.
It’s a shame flogging doesn’t get more love when it comes to corporal play. Whips have more drama. Canes more visual appeal. Spanking pushes more psychological buttons. Yet in terms of factors like the intensity of sensation delivered, control over the escalation of intensity, the overall skill required and the margins for error, flogging is arguably the best bang for buck in corporal play.
I’d also say that out of all the corporal toys,floggers have the greatest variety in the type of sensations it can create. They can be light or heavy, thuddy or stingy, blunt or sharp. Some can feel like a great massage and others like you were lashed with razors. Whatever the masochistic mood, there’s probably a flogger that’ll suit it.
I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.