Bondage – Page 24 – Femdom Resource

‘No’ is a perfectly good word

I liked this article by Sinclair Sexsmith on the use (or not) of safewords. She makes the point that communicating in plain English with things like ‘no’ or ‘slow down’ is a entirely valid way to manage a scene. A safeword is obviously necessary when engaging in some types of roleplay or consensual non-consent scenes, but it’s by no means compulsory in every dynamic. Safewords are tools that can be selectively deployed.

I’m personally perfect happy to pick a safeword or use color codes if the domme requests that, but I do find it somewhat odd. I’ve had decades of using ‘no’ and ‘stop’ to mean ‘no’ and ‘stop’. So why complicate things unnecessarily? Does a safeword suddenly make ‘no’ not mean ‘no’?

I believe this drawing is by the artist Dauinsaru. I found it via the Femdom Art tumblr.

Speedy

Regular readers may have noticed a few problems with blog loading times over recent weeks. The good news is I finally figured the problem out: The latest version of WordPress didn’t play nicely with my dynamic blogroll feature. The bad news is that I can’t find an equivalent of the old blogroll widget that does actually work properly. I really liked the fact it showed the latest posts of and update times of blogs, but it’s no use if doing that brings this site to a grinding halt.

While I’ll keep hunting for alternatives, I’ve switched back to a conventional static blogroll. If anyone knows of a WordPress widget that’ll work like my old one and is compatible with latest version of WordPress then please let me know via a comment. And for all my non-blogging readers, who have no clue what I’m on about in this post, here’s a nice hot image by way of apology for wasting your time.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for this image.

More advice from the experts

I’ve always intended this blog to cover both professional and regular non-professional female dominance. So after the previous post on communicating with a pro-domme, I thought I should also provide some similar links for ‘lifestyle’ (to use a term I’m not fond of) dommes. Fortunately for me, three of the smartest and most interesting bloggers on my blogroll have already covered this exact topic.

Miss Pearl has this article on meeting and initially greeting dominant women.
Ferns has written this advice piece on first steps for submissive men.
It feels like there are dozens of posts on Stabbity’s site covering this exact area, but I’ll point out this one in particular.

enoranott This images is from the Enora Nòtt site.

Slacking off (again)

Apologies for the lack of posts in the last couple of days. I’m once again on vacation. This time I’ve headed across the country to Chicago for some kink, food and fun. Hopefully I’ll get time to keep up with my posting in between all that. I’ve not visited the city before, or played with anyone here, so it has been an interesting new experience for me.

This image is completely unrelated to my trip, but I wanted to post it anyway. I think it’s unusual in that it manages to be exciting and erotic, while featuring no faces or traditional erogenous zones. I like the contrast between the delicately feminine foot, the textured rope and the heft of his hand. A perfect example of erotica that sparks the imagination.

foothand I’m afraid I don’t know where it’s from.

Stuffing a hole

I always enjoying reading how film sequences and photoshoots are created. There’s often a huge discrepancy between the carefully curated end product and the much messier act of making it. It’s particularly interesting when the filmed scenes are unusual, and even more so when they’re porn and wacky kinky sex is involved. An article by performer Rain DeGrey, entitled ‘My sex life requires a tractor‘, featuring her being buried upside down and forced to orgasm, was therefore right up my street. It’s obviously not femdom, but it does show the effort required for some porn shoots. Who’d have thought you’d ever need a working tractor to pull off a kinky scene?

Inverted burial is of course not the only reason to dig a hole outside. You can also use them for slave storage as the English Mansion has done here. I wonder if they also keep a tractor around for digging these holes?

hole

Frozen treats

Blogging about the cuckold cum eating scenario put me in mind of my favorite Dan Savage letter. And when I say favorite, I mean the kind that’s memorable in a – “Wow, good for you I guess, but just …. wow” – kind of way. It’s the third letter in this column, and features an F/m couple who want to make the man eat his own cum. The problem is he loses all desire to do so immediately after orgasm. Their solution to this catch-22 involves zip lock bags and a freezer compartment.

I’m a fan of letting your freak flag fly. I’m also a fan of creative solutions to kinky problems. That said, frozen sperm ice cubes freak me out. I really hope they never have guests who want to make a drink and grab some ice from the freezer. Just eat the damn cum and stop being such a wuss about it. Or, alternatively, use some straps and tubes to solve the problem. These ladies don’t seem to be worrying too much about his post orgasmic emotional state.

cumfeeding This is of course by the creative and amazingly talented Sardax.

Cosmo recommends

This Cosmos article entitled 7 Kinds of Porn You Don’t Watch — But Might Love is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a pointer to porn that women might enjoy but hadn’t considered trying. The good news is that both femdom and pegging are on the list. The bad news is that it doesn’t really given any suggestions how to experience them. The only link is to the kink.com site, and I don’t think that’s a great starting point. You have to pay to play and it has a lot of intense scenes, neither of which are good if you’re a tiny bit curious but not convinced.

That got me thinking – what actually what would be a good recommendation in this case? Are there sites that portray femdom in a positive light, that aren’t awash in porn cliches and won’t scare a newbie off? It’s a tricky question. I can think of some tumblrs I’d recommend, but tumblrs tend to come and go and are often hard to find. If you’re curious about spanking then I think Pandora Blake’s Dreams of Spanking hits the spot. It shows a positive side to kink and manages to be professional without being porn-y. Outside of that, I’m kind of stuck. Any other suggestions from readers?

This image is from the Tickleberry site, which actually would be a fairly good one to point newcomers at. It’s not porn, but it has got a bunch of articles explaining a lot of basic stuff like pegging, chastity, domination, etc. Unfortunately it doesn’t look like it has been updated in the last year or so.

chastity

Better than yoga?

Articles on BDSM and mindfulness have been popping up across the web in recent days. The first I spotted was at Time magazine, and since then I’ve seen similar articles at sites like Bustle, Instinct Magazine and Medical Daily. They were triggered by research published in the journal Psychology of Consciousness that claimed that BDSM could put people in a state of ‘flow’, where the rest of the world falls away and their concentration is heightened on the present moment.

It’s good to see positive BDSM stories on mainstream sites, and I doubt many people in the kinky world would dispute the idea of BDSM leading to altered mental states. Getting into subspace might not be the only reason people play, but it’s often an important one. That said, I do have problems with the study (as it’s described in the mainstream press)…

They only picked 7 couples, which is a tiny number to study. On top of that, the couples had a variety of relationship states (from long term to just met), introducing more variables into the tiny sample.
They randomly assigned top/bottom status. If everyone involved was a switch that might be OK, but if not, then it would seem very problematic. Ask me to top someone and you will not get mindfulness. You’ll get anxiety, stress and a partner stuck in a tangled web of granny knotted ropes. Switching for non-switches is not a good measure of normal BDSM play.
It doesn’t appear that they distinguished between top and bottom space. I’m not an expert on top space, but from what I’ve read it seems quite different to bottom space. Both have elements of being in the moment and the rest of the world falling away. However, top space seems to be about concentration and focus, a sense of mastery that aligns with the more traditional ideas of mindfulness and flow. Bottom space, for me at least, is not like that at all. It’s about not thinking clearly, surrendering to the moment and disassociating. I hear tops describe their state as having heightened intuition and understanding, where I can barely form words when deep in bottom space.

Hopefully the study will at least be a good starting point for further research. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with an image of a couple in their own particular state of flow. From the watermark I assume it was something to do with this event (I found it here).

flow

Getting it all wrong

When a story about a dominatrix avoiding jail after a client died in a session originally surfaced in my inbox, I was pleased. Not for the dead guy obviously, but for the fact that she hadn’t been unreasonably punished. From just reading the article title I assumed he’d had a heart attack or aneurysm and gone out doing something he enjoyed. Intense kinky sex can certainly raise stress and blood pressure levels, and having a play partner die would be traumatizing enough without adding legal entanglements. Now, having read the story, I’m not so sure. Jail seems like a pretty reasonable place for her.

The client contacted her to do breathplay, which is a reasonable thing in itself. The badness starts with him wanting to be made unconscious. It gets worse with the fact she agreed to do it when clearly neither of them had a clue what they were doing. It culminates with her helping him use tape and a noose to cut off his breathing and then leaving him alone in a hotel room for 30 minutes. Leaving someone alone is a big red flag in most bondage situations, let alone when breathing restrictions are involved. Stupidity like that really deserves some prison time, even if he was equally idiotic in instigating the situation.

Personally, I love breathplay. I’ve had some of my most intense sessions while experiencing it. But it was always with people who knew what they were doing, who kept a very close watch on my physical responses and where we could escape it in a second or two.

This is the lovely Mistress Eleise – someone who definitely does know how to do breathplay properly. A gloved hand can be very effective all on its own. This is taken from her Femme Fatale Films.

Patreon

I noticed when writing my previous post that Yumine has set-up a Patreon account. For those that haven’t encountered this service before, it’s an easy way for fans (patrons) of artists to contribute a few bucks to them on a regular basis. It’s not designed to crowdfund a specific piece of work, but instead functions more as a virtual tip jar for ongoing work. Yumine is suggesting chipping in just a $1 or $5 per month.

I’ve not used Patreon before, but this seemed a worthwhile case to give it a go. Sign-up was very quick and easy, and it let me use either PayPal or a credit card. If like me, you appreciate Yumine’s work, then maybe give it a shot yourself?

calm Of course this gives me another excuse to feature her work in a post. I particularly like this piece as the D/s dynamic and activity reminds me a lot of my play. I love breathplay and nipple torture, while having a love/hate relationship with hoods. That often leads to a lot of nervous energy that has to be worked through.