CBT – Page 10 – Femdom Resource

What’s in a name?

Peroxide has been having some anal fun with a new toy he’s named Dita. While I’m a fan of anal play, I’ve never got into naming things. Doesn’t matter if it’s a car, boat, body part or half a foot of silicon cock. Somehow it always felt odd for me to assign it a name.

Men giving their penis a name seems fairly common. I’ve been asked what mine is enough times to suggest women must encounter the phenomena fairly often. I kind of get it, as cocks do sometimes seem to lead independent lives of their own, but I’ve never smashed a bottle of champagne over mine and done an official naming ceremony. I’m always tempted to answer the question with “Edith”, and then when I get a confused look, follow it up with “You know, named after Edith Bolling, the second wife of Woodrow Wilson.”

I’ve absolutely no reason to pick that name, other than I think it’d get a laugh. And laughter is always a good thing to mix with sex. Unless it happens when you pull your trousers down. That’s less of a good sign.

Here’s a nice shot of someone having a laugh while playing with male genitals. The name of the cock in question is sadly not recorded, but I’m willing to bet it’s not Edith. The image is from the FemaleDom site and I found it on the In a Humbler tumblr.

The ambiguity of power

I’m currently reading Staci Newmahr’s Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy. It captures some interesting data but it’s a frustrating book. I’ll dig into why that is in a future post. For the moment I want to tackle one very specific phrasing that caught my eye. It’s on the subject of power in BDSM scenes and how it’s described.

Power and control are obviously significant parts of BDSM play and the author is careful to qualify them with terms such as ‘apparent’ and ‘illusion’. In describing the various phases of a scene (negotiation/play/aftercare) she wants to make it clear that what’s being constructed is an elaborate facade. A type of theater where the actors themselves have to suspend their disbelief. I should add that this isn’t unique to this book. A lot of academic BDSM books adopt similar descriptions, presenting it as an insight into the underlying reality that the players themselves don’t acknowledge.

I always find this approach a very facile one. It ignores the complexity of power in other situations and reduces the value of the descriptive term. Outside of kink we’re happy to use descriptions of power in a nuanced way, without the need for heavy qualifiers. For example, we would be comfortable describing the CEO of a company as having power. He has a degree of control and a corresponding freedom that his employees don’t have. That doesn’t mean he can do anything. It also doesn’t mean that his employees have no options. They can always quit and walk away from their job. But we don’t feel the need to describe his power as illusory just because he requires a degree of cooperation from those who wish to work for him.

To pick another example, when describing the dynamics of a conventional relationship, people will often use terms related to power and control. Those dynamics can play a role in all sorts of relationships, not just D/s ones. Yet nobody feels the need to say something like – “His wife is really in charge of vacation planning, she makes all the decisions. Although of course it’s only an illusion of control because he could always leave her if he wanted.” The second part is implicitly understood, but it doesn’t make the first part any less true.

When I’m stripped, bound and gagged in a BDSM scene, I’m giving up control and relinquishing power. There’s no illusion or suspension of disbelief necessary. I don’t get to control where she puts that needle, where the cane lands, where she puts the but plug (although I can probably guess in that case). The fact the dominant doesn’t have absolute power doesn’t make it an illusion of power. Yes, I can stop the scene at any time and walk away. I can also quit my job at any time and walk away. Neither fact means I’m the one with the power.

It seemed appropriate to finish with a shot featuring a classic demonstration of power – the hand to the throat. This is from the Divine Bitches site. I originally found in on Thy Queendome Come tumblr.

The delicate sounding of slaves

Domina Victoria Rage has a very informative post up on the subject of sounds. If you’re thinking of trying this type of play, it’s well worth reading.

I’m always surprised by how a lot of guys react to the idea of sounds. It’s often described as edge play, and seen as an intense masochistic activity. In reality it’s a very sensual and stimulating sensation. If it’s painful then you’re doing it wrong and should stop. As Domina Rage says, the idea is to let gravity do all the work. The sounds is simply supposed to slide in under it’s own weight. Nothing should be forced. Both the invasive act and the stimulation of the nerve endings makes it very enjoyable.

I’d add just two things to Domina Rage’s post. Firstly, drink some water beforehand and pee afterwards. That’ll flush out any lube left in the urethra. Secondly, don’t assume penis size is related to urethra size. I think I’m relatively well endowed, but I can only accept smaller sounds. I’m always amazed what some guys can take when I look at the range of sound sizes. Start small and experiment to see what works for you.

Both images come from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

I hate balls!

Not me personally. I quite like my balls. They get in the way now and again, but I’ve no personal desire to be neutered. The hatred in this case comes from Katherine Heigl. As she explains in this very amusing video, they’re dangly and disgusting and males are better off without them. I suspect the little sad look she gives at around the 50 second mark, when discussing the difficulty of neutering men, will be fantasy fodder for a decent fraction of my male readers.

Of course neutering does have its downsides. For one thing it removes a bunch of densely packed and sensitive nerves that are ideal for torture. For another, the fiendish humbler device, as shown in the image below, becomes sadly redundant.

This image has been manipulated (in the usual tumblr fashion) but I believe it’s originally from Amber’s Dungeon. I found it on the Under My Heel tumblr.

We have a winner

Last week I posted about a smallest penis competition in Brooklyn. Well we have a winner, and judging by this interview he’s taking his new found fame in his stride. He also seems to have a pretty positive and sensible view on all the whole experience. Of course, if this cartoon is anything to go by, it’s the second place contestant we should be concerned about.

The old cliche is that it’s not the size that counts, but what you do with it. Judging by this picture it looks like someone decided tying it to a metal pole and big toes was the thing to do with it. I’m not sure that’s exactly what the person who coined the expression had in mind.

I found this on the Mistress Alice in Bondage Land tumblr. I’m afraid I don’t have an original attribution for it.

Something for the eyeballs

After a couple of text heavy posts I think it’s time for something a little more visually appealing. I always aim for a blend of “Hmm, interesting…” and “Wow, that’s hot.” I believe we’re due for one of the latter. Although hot is always in the eye of the beholder. And in this particular beholders case, that means Kendra James applying clothespins to some lucky gentleman’s genitals.

I found this image on the Brutal Cock & Ball Torture tumblr. It’s originally from the Men in Pain site.

Terrifically tortured testicles

After a few weeks in which we were both traveling a lot, I finally got chance to get together with Lydia tonight. Cock and ball torture was on the menu. A lot of prodding, thwacking and zapping later, I’m a happily blissed out bunny. A bit tender and sore in some places, but definitely happy.

I can only hope the gentleman in the image below felt equally good after Mz Berlin got done with him. He certainly shouldn’t have been able to complain about a lack of focus on her part.

This image is from the Captive Male site. I originally found it on the In A Humbler tumblr (although that version had the site watermark trimmed off it).

Weirdly enough after writing the above post, while scanning through the tumblr reposts of this image, I came across this tumblr post, which is actually from the male submissive in the picture (Bondage Toy). Even more strangely he’s located in my part of the world and has obviously played with Lydia in the past. Of all the thousands of CBT pictures I could have picked for the post, what are the odds I’d pick not only someone local who’d played with Lydia, but also left enough information for me to find that out? Particularly given the only thing of his in the shot are a pair of dangling testicles.

A helicopter ride

Anytime I go to San Francisco I try and schedule time with Domina Yuki. We’ve played together several times in the past (for example – here or here) and it has always been a great experience. This time was no exception.

I actually ended up having back to back sessions, with Domina Ai-Li on the first day (as mentioned here) and Domina Yuki on the second. Giving my body almost no time to recover was possibly an unwise move, but I’m nothing if not masochistic. They’d apparently collaborated before I arrived on who got what body part to attack, but I’m not sure they strictly stuck to their agreed zones. I certainly wasn’t about to start pointing out to the nice lady with the whip where she should or shouldn’t hit me.

We managed to grab a few fun photographs. This image shows me with a collection of attached clothespins. Having Mistress Yuki slide her body against mine with these in place was a particularly painful but sensuous torture. The more I pushed back the more it hurt, and yet the better it felt. This image shows a close-up of the CBT bondage. It’s not particularly painful, unless some sadist decides to repeatedly flick the delicate exposed bits of flesh.

I got to experience a cattle-prod for the first time, as shown here. It was an unusual sensation – sharp and intense but brief. It convulsed the muscle, kicking me forward, but didn’t create a deep lasting pain. We also did some bastinado, as shown in this image. That really does create a deep pain. Each part of the foot reacts differently, with sharper immediate pain on the boney parts and deep aches on the more muscled sections.

When it came time to remove the genital bondage Mistress Yuki decided to give me a helicopter ride. If you’ve never heard of this before, then imagine someone trying to start an old fashioned gas (petrol) lawnmower, but with the pull cord wrapped around a pair of balls. We actually did this twice. Not because it didn’t work the first time, but having done it once Mistress Yuki decided it would be a great thing to take a video of. So while I was still moaning in pain from the first time I heard an enthusiastic voice say – “Oh! I should have got a video. Let’s do that again!”

You can see the resulting video here. I believe it’s the first one from a session I’ve ever featured. Weirdly there seems to have been a problem with the sound. Originally I let out a small manly growl when she pulled the cord. But something in the recording process seem to have turned it into a loud high pitched scream. Given that odd technical problem I’ve decided to omit the audio, lest I give my readers the wrong impression of my fortitude.

The above image shows some trampling I got to enjoy. Although it doesn’t look like much, it was actually one of the more painful moments. That was mostly because Mistress Yuki was trying to balance on one high heeled foot while digging the other into my chest and simultaneously framing the photograph correctly. I suspect her prioritization had not falling over and getting the photograph right way higher than odd moaning noises coming from the submissive.

Alternatives to ‘The Device’

Via a post from Tom I came across some interesting thoughts on chastity devices by Ms M. It’s on the subject of the honor system versus devices and why she feels a physical device is absolutely necessary.

Personally I’ve never deliberately got involved in chastity play. That’s not because I don’t like the idea. It definitely pushes a few buttons. Unfortunately I think it’d only work for me in the context of a lifestyle relationship, and I seem to have misplaced mine. Some pro-dommes do offer it, but it doesn’t appeal to me in that context.

Observant readers may have noticed my use of the word ‘deliberately’ at the start of the previous paragraph. That’s because I have accidentally stumbled into chastity play. In turns out that heavy CBT play will create that interesting side effect. I certainly don’t want to get stuck with weird marks or scars to explain on my special little friend. Nothing would kill a seductive mood quicker than a conversation that starts with – ‘No honestly, it’s not the result of a weird disease. Just the after effects of a cock piercing and then a lot of jerking off.’

So any significant bruising or burn marks in a delicate area means operating in a strictly hands-off mode for as long as it takes. I’ve had mornings where I wake up and my first thought is – ‘Has that bruise gone yet?’ Swiftly followed by a check beneath the sheets and a stream of cursing. There’s nothing like being cock-blocked by your own hemoglobin.

Here’s a fun shot of Mistress Madeline leaving someone with a few nice marks of their own. It’s obviously originally from the Men In Pain site.

Incoming!

A humbler is a pretty evil device in its own right. Getting kicked in the balls while wearing one adds a whole new level of devilishness. Although it looks like at least one person there is really enjoying the set-up.

I found this on the Femdom Archive tumblr. Annoyingly I can’t locate an original source. The smiling blonde does look familiar, but I just can’t place her face.

Updated: Lady Annisa left a comment suggesting this is Mistress Alexandra of London. I can’t find the image on her site, but I believe that’s the correct attribution. She certainly has a number of CBT films featuring a humbler in her clips store.