Tag: CBT

False Advertising

Bacchus, over at ErosBlog, has been quite rightly mocking a porn shoot that promises a cock being disciplined with the following lines…

I am going to be disciplining Rob Piper’s humongous black cock. You know where I’m gonna start? With that big black cock up my ass! I can’t wait to take that cock in all my holes.

I’m sure Mr Piper’s cock is just going to hate that. It’ll probably get all big, angry and throbbing after being disciplined in such a terrible way.

Of course, while this is a particularly egregious example, a lot of BDSM play exhibits a touch of this. It’s briar patch syndrome – Oh please don’t dress up in that sexy outfit and gently whip me (not too hard!) with that soft leather flogger. It’d be terribly cruel if you were to use that strap-on and – down a bit, no not there, careful, oh yes, oh yes! – brutally penetrate my helpless body with it.

In reality, a close-up of a disciplined cock isn’t all that sexy. For example, Mistress Tess tortured mine a few weeks back. Needles and electricity were involved. We shot a picture, but only look here if you’re OK with genital piercing pictures. I had a lot of fun, but I’ll be the first to admit it’s not the kind of close-up image that’ll sell a lot of porn subscriptions. The shot below is a bit more visually appealing while at least having a slightly more believable cock discipline theme. I bet it’s loving it really though.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.

Trust the Pros

I’ve always maintained that there’s no shame in putting yourself in the hands of trained medical professionals if a scene has gone badly wrong. Any nurse or doctor with a few years experience will have seen all manner of crazy things, and yours will just be another nights work for them.

In light of this article, I guess I should also add firefighters to the list of trusted professionals. At least in Germany that is, as they receive training in how to remove cock rings and butt plugs that have become rather too tightly attached. Amazingly you can cut off a cock ring using an angle grinder, as long as the cock in question has been treated with bandages and heat resistant paste. That’d certainly count as edge play, particularly given it’s a no safeword scene.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image. Hopefully all these toys were safely removed without a call to the emergency services.

Pain and Pleasure in the Windy City

My vacation got off to a fantastic start playing with Mistress Mara Mayhem. Whimpering, grunting, growling and snarling were all featured at some point. Possibly I also moaned, but only in a satisfied ‘hit me again’ type way.

I find there’s a really interesting tipping point in corporal play,  and reaching it is very dependent on the skill of the domme. If the escalation is too rapid or the intensity changes too erratic then the stress of the situation overwhelms the other emotions. It becomes very hard to zone out and relax into more intense sensations when you’re constantly on edge about what’s about to happen. On the other hand is the escalation is smooth and well judged it’s much easier to let the endorphins take over. It’s the difference between pain alone and pain as part of the dynamic between me and the domme. Too much too early is actually counter-productive in terms of building to a satisfying level of shared intensity. Needless to say Mistress Mara judged it perfectly in this session.

Of course we didn’t just indulge in corporal. There was also a fair amount of CBT involved as shown in this dick pic snap. As is usual, the removal of the various clips and clamps hurt a lot more than the initial application. Fortunately Mistress Mara ensured I was well hydrated for the session – in all sorts of different ways.

This was shot by Mistress Mara either just before or just after our session and featured on her twitter feed.

How will I explain this?

There’s one thought I regularly have when doing a particularly unusual or extreme activity. It’s not about how much it’ll hurt or if I’ll be able to handle the pain or not. The thought is – ‘If this goes wrong, how am I going to explain it to an ER nurse?’

It’s not stuff like bondage or whipping that triggers this thought. I figure BDSM has penetrated mainstream culture to the point where regular kinky activities will be par for the course in ER. It’s when things like electrified urethral sounds and needles through the scrotum come into the picture that I envision nurses reaching for the emergency straitjacket and number of the hospital psychiatrist.

When I was last down in LA I did a scene with Cynthia Stone where she sutured the inside of my mouth and ran surgical thread between the insides of my cheeks. There was even a shot of it on her twitter feed. Should the worst have happened, I wonder how an ER nurse would have reacted ? She spends all day stitching up people who have injured themselves in accidents, and then gets stuck with this muppet who has injured himself purposefully stitching up a healthy body part.

There’s no watermark on this, but I’d guess it’s from one of the kink.com sites.

Apologies and Shoutout

Apologies for the lack of regular posting recently. There’s a bunch of topics I want to write about, but my back has been screwed up, which precludes me sitting at a computer for lengthy periods. It’s kind of funny (although not in a ha-ha way) that I can actually trace my back issues to a specific play session back in 2011. At the time I though I’d just strained some muscles. It turns out that thanks to a couple of decades hunched over keyboards, I’d managed to screw a couple of my lower discs up, and that session was the one that pushed them over the edge. It really hasn’t been the same since that night. Who’d have though that having hot sauce smeared on your genitals would lead to chronic back issues? The human body is a truly wonderful thing.

If you’re in your 20’s or 30’s and spend a lot of time sitting at a desk, I’d strongly urge you to take regular breaks, exercise whenever possible and consider taking up yoga. Although if you’re anything like me at that age, you probably think it’ll never happen to you, so I’m  wasting my time giving advice here.

Changing the subject entirely – if you’re in LA from the 23rd to the 25th, let me point you in the direction of Lady Hinako. I’ve featured her work in the past (here and here) and she’s visiting LA from Japan on those particular dates. Lady Chiaki (previously featured here) will also be in LA at the same time. If I hadn’t been in LA just a couple of weeks ago, I’d be considering a trip down in order to play with these talented dommes. As I type this, they still have time slots available to play.

Both these images are from Lady Hinako’s twitter feed.

Scary Crusher

I’ve played with plenty of ball crushers in the past, and I’ve always been amazed by how my tolerances can change during the progression of a play session. As adrenaline surges and the body adapts, what can seem incredibly intense at the start can end up as background noise to whatever else is happening. However, I don’t think I’ve ever experienced a ball crusher designed quite like this. Those are some fearsome spikes. I’m not sure this would ever fade into background noise, no matter how many endorphins were pumping.

This looks like the kind of thing you might find in an exhibit on the Spanish Inquisition, but I stumbled across it via Mistress Lucy Sweet Kill’s twitter feed.

The good and the bad

A few posts ago I was ripping the Metro site for silly advice on CBT for beginners. Fortunately, the good news is that there are better sources of advice out there. Kink Weekly has some good suggestions for anyone wanting to torture a cock or two. Lucy Khan (whose CBT skills I can personally attest to) has the right idea…

restrain him, blindfold him, and simply tickle, lick, bite, and poke at his junk!

The bad news is that Metro is still publishing idiotic writing on kink. The latest is this article, which lists the following fetishes beginning with ‘F’: Face slapping, fear play, female masking, femdom, feminisation, …wait, what was that previous one? Femdom? One of these things is not like the others. What an incredibly obnoxious and male-centric categorization. It reinforces the idea of male dominance as the default BDSM configuration, and turns dominant women into objects for men with a particular femdom fetish. It’s like listing career choices beginning with F as: Farmer, Farrier, Female, Fire Fighter, etc. I’m betting that maledom isn’t going to be listed under ‘M’ when they get around to it.

Anyway, rant over, and I’ll finish with someone following Mistress Lucy’s advice on mixing biting and CBT.

Beginners Beware

Enlisting a domme to write an articles on kinks and fetishes is a common technique these days to attract a few clicks with some titillating content. They tend to vary from blandly boring through to offensive kink shaming, with just the occasional interesting gem. Sadly, this one from Metro, written by Miranda Kane, is no gem. It starts off with a kink shaming title, before veering into the stupid and dangerous. Specifically this part on CBT…

But beginners can’t go wrong with investing in a pinwheel (…) and urethral sounding rods (which are metal sticks that go in the pee-hole).

Urethral sounding rods for beginners? I’m not sure you could pick something less suitable for CBT for beginners. I guess scrotal inflation? A crown of thorns?

Urethral sounds are a super specialized toy. They’re very intimidating for a lot of people. They require a particular technique to use, so you don’t risk tearing any delicate internal tissue. If you’re not careful about handling and sterilizing them, there’s a risk of introducing bacteria into the urethra and getting an infection. Not to mention, as a sensation they’re not even that tortuous, so not really CBT at all. I always enjoy experiencing them, and think they’re worth exploring for those with a bit of kinky experience, but they’re not for anyone wanting to torture their first cock.

How about clothespins? Or a little slappy paddle? Or just pinching and biting? There are about a thousand ways to try out CBT at lower cost and lower risk.

This is Clair Adams in a shoot with Nomad for kink.com. I think this counts as the super advanced CBT class – an electrified urethral sound. Definitely one of the more unique sensations I’ve ever experienced.

The ultimate kinky garage sale

Earlier this year, on the news that Kink.com was closing down its armory space in San Francisco, I pondered on what they’d do with all their fancy furniture. Now it seems we have the answer – sell it on craigslist. Or, more accurately, advertise on craigslist that they’re hosting a viewing and sale on the afternoon of the 15th.

It makes me wish I lived in San Francisco. I’d love to drop by and pick up something. I can only hope some of the furniture and toys finds its way into dungeons I frequent down there. For example, this cock pillory looks like it might be rather fun.

CBT for the curious

I’m  regularly surprised by the extent to which discussion on specialized BDSM play has spread to mainstream sites. For example, here’s a recent Refinery29 article on Cock and Ball Torture. OK, so Refinery29 isn’t exactly the New York Times, but I doubt a few years ago you’d have seen anything on CBT outside of specialized kink sites. I don’t think I knew what CBT was until I started physically exploring BDSM and actually arranging to play. Now anyone can read about it next to articles on health, entertainment and politics.

As articles go it’s not a bad one, given the obvious constraints on space and detail. However, it does suffer from a problem I see in a lot of these mainstream articles – treating the sensual and the sadistic separately. They often seem to treat kink as something you do by taking a break from regular sensual sex to try this sadistic and painful thing. In my experience very few masochists like cold, brutal and unmodulated pain. And those that do, probably aren’t taking tips from Refinery29 articles. For most of us it’s the blend of pleasure with pain, and the ratcheting up of sensation as the balance tip back and forth between them.

I think the best advice for a CBT curious couple would be to start with the pleasure. Get him hot and bothered with the tongue or the hand, and then mix in some squeezing, pinching or slapping. Someone horny and eager is going to be less self conscious about what they’re doing and more likely to relax into the moment. Wait till he’s panting, then put some clothespins on the shaft or sack and slowly masturbate him. That mixture of lovely friction and painful tugging gives a lot of scope for shifting the pain/pleasure balance. It also sets up the right dynamic of control – giving pleasure and then taking it away. There’s also an obvious visual feedback mechanism as arousal ebbs and flows.