CBT – Page 4 – Femdom Resource

The ultimate kinky garage sale

Earlier this year, on the news that Kink.com was closing down its armory space in San Francisco, I pondered on what they’d do with all their fancy furniture. Now it seems we have the answer – sell it on craigslist. Or, more accurately, advertise on craigslist that they’re hosting a viewing and sale on the afternoon of the 15th.

It makes me wish I lived in San Francisco. I’d love to drop by and pick up something. I can only hope some of the furniture and toys finds its way into dungeons I frequent down there. For example, this cock pillory looks like it might be rather fun.

CBT for the curious

I’m regularly surprised by the extent to which discussion on specialized BDSM play has spread to mainstream sites. For example, here’s a recent Refinery29 article on Cock and Ball Torture. OK, so Refinery29 isn’t exactly the New York Times, but I doubt a few years ago you’d have seen anything on CBT outside of specialized kink sites. I don’t think I knew what CBT was until I started physically exploring BDSM and actually arranging to play. Now anyone can read about it next to articles on health, entertainment and politics.

As articles go it’s not a bad one, given the obvious constraints on space and detail. However, it does suffer from a problem I see in a lot of these mainstream articles – treating the sensual and the sadistic separately. They often seem to treat kink as something you do by taking a break from regular sensual sex to try this sadistic and painful thing. In my experience very few masochists like cold, brutal and unmodulated pain. And those that do, probably aren’t taking tips from Refinery29 articles. For most of us it’s the blend of pleasure with pain, and the ratcheting up of sensation as the balance tip back and forth between them.

I think the best advice for a CBT curious couple would be to start with the pleasure. Get him hot and bothered with the tongue or the hand, and then mix in some squeezing, pinching or slapping. Someone horny and eager is going to be less self conscious about what they’re doing and more likely to relax into the moment. Wait till he’s panting, then put some clothespins on the shaft or sack and slowly masturbate him. That mixture of lovely friction and painful tugging gives a lot of scope for shifting the pain/pleasure balance. It also sets up the right dynamic of control – giving pleasure and then taking it away. There’s also an obvious visual feedback mechanism as arousal ebbs and flows.

Eyes bigger than your belly

The post title is a family expression from my childhood. It was used when someone had been greedy (i.e. me) and had loaded their dinner plate with more food than they could ultimately eat. I might have just done a similar thing in the kinky realm, although I’m not sure what the appropriate kinky equivalent would be. Libido bigger than your dick? Imagination writing checks your ass can’t cash?

I’m down in Los Angeles for a few days vacation. After a wet and relatively kink free Seattle winter, I wanted warmth and beatings. As is often the case when I travel, I was torn between playing with someone new and someone I know. Typically I like to play with people I know. Building a rapport with a domme over many sessions creates deeper and more intense experiences. It simplifies negotiation and makes it easier to relax and focus on the play, rather than trying to figure out a new dynamic. That said, there’s definitely something to be said for exploring new things with different people. It’s a great way to learn and grow. There’s no single right way to play, and I love watching how different dommes approach their craft.

So, as usual happens when I’m faced with a choice between A or B, I go with A and B. In fact, in this case it’s actually A and A and B and B. I’ve got 6 days vacation, 4 different sessions and 2 dommes. One with whom I’ve played multiple times in the past, and one who I’ve never met before. It’s very possible I’ve been excessively optimistic about my ability to take punishment. Particularly given my lack of match fitness these days. On the other hand, I can think of worse problems to have. If I don’t post here again, you can assume I died a happy man.

This gentleman doesn’t look all that happy, but he’s got cake and attractive attentive ladies. Not sure if his eyes were larger than his belly, but his dick certainly is. This is obviously by the talented Kami Tora.

The simple things in life

Here’s a final image in my short sequence of suspension themed posts. This one makes me smile due to the discrepancy between the setting and the action.

The setting is extreme. There’s a padded cell, a severe looking straitjacket and a taxing inverted suspension. In contrast the action is that most simple but frustrating of things – a sharp flick to the head of the penis. With the setting you’d expect her to be wielding some fiendish medical equipment or a scary electroshock device. Instead she’s keeping it simple, personal and very accurately targeted.

This is of course from the Men In Pain site.

Two Expressions

WordPress tells me that this is the 3rd time I’ve used this particular post title. I guess I should apologize for my lack of imagination when it comes to titles, but given what I typically look for in a kinky image, I’m actually surprised I haven’t used it more often. A compelling expression will always capture my eye over a hot body or fancy fetish gear. And two expressions, something giving a sense of connection, can turn an image from something posed into something real. Or, if not truly real, at least a far better facsimile of it.

I love the two looks below because they remind me of my own scenes, particularly the ones I did with Lydia. Like this gentleman, I’d often have an expression that captured a mix of emotions. My thought process in similar situations would be – “I’m nervous about what she’s about to do…but this is also really hot…and the fact I think both those things is kind of funny…and she’s so amazing…I love it when she smiles at me…can I be nervous and brave and amused all at once? OUCH!”

Obviously I can never say what goes through a domme’s mind in these situations, but I always got the impression Lydia’s thought was – “You can look at me like that, and it might be kind of cute, but it’s really not going to help. WHACK!”

I’m afraid I don’t know the man in this shot, but I recognize the woman as Mona Rogers. This is from a shoot for Femdom Empire.

Oh, and for anyone interested, here and here are the two previous time I used the same post title.

Superb Owl

America had some kind of sporting event combined with a pop concert and a product fair on Sunday. Yes, it was once again time for the annual Superb Owl (as coined by Mr. Colbert).

I’m tempted to make a joke about the Falcons being big breathplay fans, given how much choking was involved, but that feels like it’d be a cheap shot. Instead I’ll focus on a couple of the more amusing advertisements. T-Mobile enlisted the excellent Kristen Schaal to spoof Fifty Shades of Grey with this initial ad and then this follow-up. I say it was a 50 SoG spoof, but frankly Kristen’s character seems way more into enjoying kink than any of the characters from that sad series.

Weirdly this isn’t the first time I’ve featured T-Mobile. A few years ago they had an ad with Carly Foulkes on a motorcycle that pushed mine and I’m sure a few other people’s buttons. Somebody in their marketing department clearly has a kinky streak.

I’ll leave you with a shot of a woman doing to a man what the Patriots just did to the Falcons.

I’m afraid I don’t know who shot this. I found it on the Femdom Times site.

Kinky Pigment

The two drawings below are by the artist Kinky Pigment or Knky Pgmnt (as the signature has it). You can see more on their tumblr here.

I only discovered this work recently, but I’m glad I did. The style and focus is interesting. I hesitate to say realistic, because some of the other drawings are quite extreme or surreal, but it does capture some of the sense of real kinky play. There are quite a few images featuring clips and zippers. I personally love playing with these in scenes, but it’s relatively rare to see them in kinky artwork.

Kitten with Claws

A final post on the cat theme – this time focusing on the claws. I’m surprised how rarely artificial claws pop-up in either erotica or play. In my years of play, I’ve maybe had one occasion where a domme pulled a pair of claws out. They’re also equally rare in femdom porn scenes. Which is odd, given they’re easy to use, visually striking and offer opportunities for a wide range of play. They’re not as dramatic as cracking a whip or swishing a cane, but CBT or impact play combined with big claws will certainly grab anyone’s attention. There’s nothing like a hard slap followed by a forceful scratch to get the blood pumping.

The pair below are particularly interesting when you see them in close-up. Nice craftsmanship, although the quality of the metalwork is probably the last thing on his mind.

This is obviously from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

A sticky situation

After years of browsing the kinky parts of the web and exploring a wide variety of kinky play myself, it’s rare I find an entirely new activity. That’s not to say that I’ve tried everything myself. There are only so many personal kinks that’ll fit in my brain or in my pants. But I like to think I’m broadly aware of all the options. I was therefore pleasantly surprised to stumble across this old post on user Super Glue as part of a scene. I’d never heard of that before or seen it demonstrated.

If glue typically crops up in femdom it’s normally adjacent to a chastity device in an erotic story or photo caption about sealing up locks. It’s not actually being used to glue body parts together in a real scene. Yet this post suggests doing exactly that. I’ve no idea how wise that is, but it’s certainly an intriguing thought.

Hunting around online eventually turned up just one scene from Femdom Empire demonstrating the concept. It features Lexi Sindel gluing Slave Wade’s scrotum over his cock. You can see animated gifs from it here on Wade’s tumblr. And talking of Lexi Sindel…

This is from a different Femdom Empire scene with Lexi – no super glue involved. Although she does look like she’s contemplating doing something equally dramatic with those balls.

Fond memories of ball torture

The recent posts on safewords and when ‘no’ can mean ‘yes’ triggered a happy memory of mine. It involves Lydia, ball torture and a unique event.

It occurred after Lydia and I had been playing together for several years and had done hundreds of hours of pretty intense sessions. The scene was CBT, with me bound on a bed and Lydia lying alongside, doing terribly evil things to delicate parts of my body. At some point she ratcheted the intensity up and I moaned something like “no….oh…no”. She paused momentarily, looked at me quizzically, and then said “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say no to me before.” Deep as I was in subspace, it took me a few seconds to figure out what she meant. Then we smiled at each other and went right back into it. Her squeezing and hitting; me moaning and yelling.

Of course I had said ‘no’ to her multiple times in the past. Or at least words to that effect. Things like “hold on, I have a cramp”, or “no, I need a moment” or “we better pause, I’m feeling faint”. Stepping out of scene was occasionally necessary and always easy to do. This situation was just the first time she’d pushed me to the point of actually saying a ‘no’ that really meant a ‘yes’ in the scene. It was an unconscious and unfiltered response to what was happening.

In hindsight it turned out to be a unique event. It’s not the normal way I respond, and I don’t think we ever got back into that particular headspace again. I’m glad it happened though. The event and her recognition of it while deep in the scene put a smile on my face both then and now.

Here’s a gentleman enjoying some bondage and CBT of his own, courtesy of Divine Bitches. Although his position looks considerably more uncomfortable than mine ever was.