Tag: Collar

Oxymoron?

Writing my last post raised a question for me: Is it ever possible to do a consensual blackmail scene? Isn’t it actually an impossibility?

Consensual blackmail is clearly a well established niche in findomme play. The domme gets hold of embarrassing material, either directly from the submissive or by creating it from their interactions, and uses it to threaten the submissive. It might be used as a one-off scene or part of an ongoing dynamic involving regular payment.

The thing that makes me question the consensual element isn’t the role of the domme or the submissive. It’s the need for a third party. Pretty much by definition there must be someone who’d be shocked by the material exposed. Blackmail isn’t effective because of the dynamic between the blackmailer and blackmailee. It works because it leverages the relationship between the blackmailee and the other people in their life. If they don’t care, there is no leverage. But if they do care, then how is this ever consensual? The need for shock and offense seems an intrinsic part of the recipe.

I guess you could roleplay the idea of exposing the information, with both parties agreeing that the final step would never be taken. However, that doesn’t typically seem to be how these things play out. It’d certainly drain a lot of energy out of the scene. Roleplay typically focuses on the context and setting for the scene, not the execution. A teacher/student scene is a roleplay, but the beating is still real.

This artwork is by Lera Balashova, found on her Dribble site.

Crating

I’m not sure how I missed this Reductress article on crating your boyfriend when it first came out in 2017. It’s obviously not a serious article, but it is perfectly inline with what I want for this blog – funny, kinky and weirdly hot.

I don’t have any great crating images, but this one does have a nice puppy and collar theme going on. I imagine the crate is just out of shot.

I feel I should know this artist, but annoyingly I don’t have an attribution. As usual, if you can help with that, please leave a comment.

Updated: Thanks to a helpful comment, I can attribute this to the artist zblabla. You can find more of their work on DeviantArt.

Sit! Good boy.

I’m continuing my theme from yesterday with this image. I’m not sure it strictly counts as a puppy play shot, but I think there’s definitely an ‘obedient dog at my side’ vibe to it. That’s probably helped by the straps on the side of the hood, which give the suggestion of flappy dog ears.

I believe this is NYC based domme Elena De Luca. You can find her professional site here.

Tears

Two beautifully contrasting expressions in this drawing by Lotus Art. It’d be a great starting piece for an erotic short story competition. A chance to spin the tale of what came before or what comes after this moment.

I never tear up in kinky play. Which is odd, because I’m actually pretty emotional and can get tearful at the most random things. I’ll cry at a Buffy episode I’ve seen a dozen times, and yet remain entirely dry eyed when being beaten about the genitals. I’d sometimes appreciate the cathartic release of crying in a session, but I just don’t have that reaction to stress, pain or control. The only time I did cry was in my last session with Lydia, and that was as the end  when we were unwrapping the ropes and putting the toys away. Those tears weren’t really anything to do with kink.

I believe this is fan art from the Sadistic Beauty series by Lotus Art.

Kink with Homework

This article on Mistress Velvet is (deservedly) all over my social media feeds and inbox. The title, in classic Huffington Post fashion, encapsulates the story – “Meet The Dominatrix Who Requires The Men Who Hire Her To Read Black Feminist Theory.”

It’s a surprisingly well done article. It gives Mistress Velvet space to expand on the intellectual and emotional challenges of her job, while omitting a lot of the salacious detail that usually accompanies mainstream articles like this. Her relationship as a black domme  with her mostly white, cis and well off clients is obviously a complex one. I love the fact that she’s managed to structure her sessions as positive for both her and her clients, while also creating a platform to explore issues of race and privilege.

If I’m not only doing these physical things to them, but also saying, “Hey, my graduate education is also focused on BDSM as healing for black women, and I think about this all the time.” Then they’re like, “Whoa, yeah, she’s the real deal.” They kind of get terrified. But I think it makes it more real for them.

I don’t think I’ve ever been assigned homework by a domme, but I do understand the kind of dynamic she describes above. Submissives typically enjoy things that pull them mentally back into that D/s dynamic, even many days after playing. Something as simple as a bruise can remind them of the dommes presence and physicality. I’d imagine engaging with writing and arguments that she’s passionate about would have a similar ability to conjure a sense of her presence.

Mistress Velvet is based in Chicago. If you’d like to schedule a session, her contact information is here.

Always something new

One of the things I love about kink is the infinite variety of possibilities it offers. There’s always a new experience or activity for me to explore. In some cases it can be a very common kinky activity that has simply never made it onto my kinky hit list. Whenever that happens it’s always slightly disconcerting. A bit like realizing there’s a cupboard in your house you’ve never actually opened, despite years of living there.

In my recent trip to San Francisco Domina Yuki used a leash on my collar to lead me around. It wasn’t a big part of the scene or in response to a request I’d made. Just a fun way for her to get me from one area to another in the play space. But as she did it I was struck by the fact it was a new experience for me. The collar and leash is a staple of BDSM porn. It’s even used as a symbol for kink in the mainstream. Yet, in years of play, I couldn’t remember ever being on the receiving end. I was so surprised at that realization I almost forgot to enjoy the moment. Almost.

This is the beautiful Mistress Iris enjoying some leash play with a slave. I found it via her twitter feed.

All the cool kids are doing it

Teen Vogue is not a publication that I thought would ever intersect with my areas of interest. As an actual teen (many, many years ago) I might have sneaked a look at Cosmopolitan sex articles now and again, but Vogue was always far too high fashion and culture to be interesting.

Fast forward a couple of decades and, weirdly, comments about Teen Vogue articles began popping up on my radar from political twitter feeds I follow. Apparently they were doing a better job than a lot of mainstream sources in covering the disaster zone that is American politics. Now I find myself linking to this recent piece on BDSM and consent. It doesn’t break new ground on the topic, but for a magazine with ‘Teen’ in the title, it’s a pretty solid article. Sex and teenagers is always going to be a combustible combination, particularly when you mix in the crazy complexity that is BDSM. Unfortunately banning behavior with teenagers never works, particularly when material is just a click away on the internet, so I’m happy to see this kind of well thought out mainstream coverage.

This looks like an image cut from Manga, but I don’t have an original attribution unfortunately.

Kitchen Slave

It has been the Thanksgiving holiday here in the US. That traditionally means a lot of food and a lot of time spent slaving in the kitchen. I hope all my US readers enjoyed their meals and that any slaving done was of the most enjoyable kind.

husband-as-kitchen-slaveThe caption for this reads “The pastimes of …men!” I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I originally found it via the Femdom Artist site.

Playing through depression

This article on dealing with depression in the context of an M/s relationship is one of the more powerful and thought provoking ones that I’ve featured. I’ve suffered through a couple of bouts of depression in my life, and I really can’t imagine how challenging it would have been to handle that and the complexity of BDSM simultaneously. Kinky play is incredibly exhilarating, but also takes a tremendous amount of energy from me. I think I’d be terrified of the cocktail of powerful emotions going sour on me and leaving me a heap on the floor. Brain chemistry is a scary thing, and both depression and BDSM are serious ways to mess with it.

I’ve no idea what’s a suitable image to accompany this kind of article, so here’s a nice shot of a M/s type dynamic,

Slave