The beauty of dominant women
I’m continuing the domestic and kitchen theme with this shot from Mary, a Bristol and London based pro-domme. I like the idea, but can’t help thinking a slightly longer maids dress might be needed. Nobody want’s hairy naked wobbly bits around kitchen table height. The playboy bunny ears and stockings do make for a fetching look though.
If you’d like to schedule a session with Mary, and maybe try a similar outfit on for yourself, her scheduling info is here.
I don’t feature a huge amount of cross-dressing here. Not because I dislike the kink. I’ve had fun with Savannah occasionally putting me in a frock and added a bit of lippy and blush. I just struggle to find aesthetically pleasing shots that lean into the positive aspects of it.
This very cute and sexy shot is a happy exception. Like yesterday’s post, there’s some lovely color coordination going on between domme and submissive.
I found this via a random tumblr. A bit of research on its source took me to this tweet and Araity’s feed, who I believe is the submissive (OnlyFans here). I think the domme is the London based Mistress Belle.
Apologies if you’ve one of the tiny handful of people who follow me on twitter, as this post is going to be a rehash of a twitter rant I posted there recently. The tweets were an experiment to see if I could use twitter threads for thoughts longer than 280 characters, and if I’d get better engagement with them. The answers were respectively ‘not easily’ and ‘no’, so I think blog posts will remain my primary form of expression.
The rant in question was brought about by multiple social media arguments I’d seen on controversial kinky activities. Topics like race play, extreme age play, incest porn/roleplay and nazi outfits. All these arguments ultimately boiled down to two basic viewpoints. On one side was ‘as long as its consensual, adults can fantasize about anything’, on the other was ‘this activity has serious implications and you’re selfish/evil for treating it as way to get off’. I think both of those can be defensible opinions. What struck me as crazy was people flipping between the two depending how they felt about the topic in question.
The ‘as long as its consensual’ view is basically a get of jail free card. It’s a perspective that puts kinky play in its own little bubble, with no obvious relationship between what happens in the bubble and the outside world. If you believe it, then you can do a non-con sex roleplay, and not think you’re encouraging rape. Or beat someone and not spend any time wondering if you’re encouraging violence. That’s a valid viewpoint in my opinion, but it’s important to realize, it’s activity agnostic. You can’t logically claim your kinks live in a bubble where consent is all that matters, but arbitrary other kinks don’t.
On the other side, I think it’s also reasonable to argue that kinks very much interact with a broader social context. For example, one could discuss the intersection of race play and racism. However, if you’re going to do that, it means all kinks have to be considered in that context. That means a lot of kinks become potentially problematic, and require deeper analysis and justification. I typically don’t see anyone out there wanting to do that work for their personal favorite kinks.
In actuality, what consistently happens is that people play the ‘as long as its consensual’ card for their favorite kinks, and then try to withhold it when the activity in question gives them yucky feelings. Which seems broken to me. Either play the card consistently and let others do the same, or don’t play it at all.
In the femdom realm the combination of cross-dressing and humiliation is one of those controversial topics that can trigger a similar ‘consensual adults’ versus ‘this is wrong’ debate. The artwork here is by Voloh.
A lot of professional domme’s produce and share great kinky material, but I think Dominatrix Iris is someone who absolutely excels at it. This sexy-as-hell image is from what she termed a DDLG (Daddy Domme/Little Girl) shoot in her twitter feed. It’s tricky to play with the tropes of femdom erotica and yet still create something fresh and interesting. I think she absolutely nails it here, and I’m now very curious to see what the rest of her DDLG shoot looks like.
You can see another image in the same sequence in this tweet.  As she says, she makes a pretty dapper daddy. Her play partner also looks fabulous in that white lingerie.
I’m continuing my thoughts from yesterday’s post – Opt In or Opt Out. If you haven’t read that already, then I’d start there, otherwise this won’t make much sense.
When it comes to scene negotiation, I think there’s a fundamental tension that’s challenging to resolve. On one hand everyone wants scope for creativity and spontaneity. Working out a strict plan of action beforehand or stopping every 5 minutes to discuss the next activity is no fun. On the other hand, people can have very different views on what activities need discussion and what don’t. It’s not so much a question of failing to negotiate, but failing to spot the need to negotiate. If I think hoods are an opt in item then I will not mention them, as I don’t think I need to explicitly bar them. If the domme thinks they’re an opt out item, then me saying nothing leaves them on the table as a viable option to stick over my head mid-scene.
I don’t have any great suggestions to resolving this tension, other than trial and error and playing with the same people repeatedly. A few things I try to do from the submissive perspective are assume that…
I’ll leave you with a vintage image of an activity that is opt in for most dommes I know. However, there was one domme who, mid-scene and totally out of the blue, tossed me a pair of fishnet stockings, a garter belt and a pair of frilly panties to put on. It turned out to be fun, but I was certainly a bit surprised at the time. I think she was equally surprised by just how long it took me to figure out how to get them all on properly.
This show is from mrunderheel’s twitter feed.
This isn’t actually femdom, but it made me laugh, so it gets a pass. Plus, I figure there must be at least some overlap between readers of this blog and people who like muscular men doing cross-dressing Magical Girl cosplay. The background to the shot, along with more photos, is in this crunchyroll article. Feel free to imagine a stern domme waving a whip at them from behind the camera if it’ll help.
I love this transformation shot from Maitresse Nuit. They both look so focused and happy. The style makes me think of Weimar Germany in the 1920’s. Once the transformation is complete, I can just imagine the two of them strutting out into a smoky 1920’s nightclub. They’d sip a cocktail, take a turn with the cabaret and flirt with rich aristocrats. A hedonistic delight.
The photographer of this beautiful image is Lucina Nathanael.
Writing yesterday’s post on the new experiences I enjoyed with Mistress Cynthia got me thinking about the dynamics of doing new activities. More specifically, doing an old activity for the first time with a new play partner. There are a few different ways to approach this, and one of them niggles me every time it happens. I’m not sure it rises to the level of a pet peeve, but it’s something that I think is worth raising awareness of.
Some dominants don’t care what I’ve done in the past. They just pull out the toys they have in mind to use and get on with doing their thing. Others ask in order to gather information they can use. If it’s a new activity then maybe they’ll build intensity more slowly or check in more often. I’m perfectly happy with either approach. What I find odd is when a domme will be visibly disappointed if they discover the activity they’ve decided on isn’t a new one for me. Sometimes they’ll almost seem to be verging on frustration that they can’t ‘surprise’ me with a particular toy or new experience. I’ve had session where, after this kind of exchanged had repeated 3 or 4 times, I almost wanted to start lying and claiming ignorance, just so we could get out of that repeated negative interaction.
I’ve tried out a lot of different kinky activities over the last few years. That’s not down to any skill or achievement on my part. I’m just lucky to have had the time and opportunity to do a lot of different session with experienced dommes in well equipped spaces. So it’s pretty rare to find a fairly general activity that’s both inside my limits that I haven’t tried at some point. Yet, in all that time, I’ve never once thought to myself “Oh, we’re doing this shit again. Let’s get through this as fast as possible so we can get to something different.” I’ve had sessions ranging from just OK to awesome, and that difference has never been made by the uniqueness or novelty of the activity. The quality of the experience is always about the dynamic between myself and the domme and our interaction in the moment. The way every scene unfolds is unique, even if some of the building blocks repeat. Or to put it in cruder terms, I’ve jerked off a fair amount over the last decade or three, and I’ve never got bored with that activity, so let’s assume that novelty isn’t the deciding factor in how fun something is.
For any dommes out there, I’d suggest always treating past experience with an activity as a positive. It means the submissive will probably be able to give good feedback during it and will have greater capacity for handling it.
Given the post subject matter I thought it’d be worth trying to pick an image of an activity I’ve not really tried. So here we go – cross dressing. There was a domme 6 or 7 years ago who put me in stockings a few times, but apart from that I’ve been lingerie free. I’m not sure of the source of this vintage picture, but that young guy is carrying that outfit off pretty well.
I’m continuing the maid theme with a somewhat puzzling image. As far as I can tell this is a product from XDress, but this particular shot comes from the seller The Underwear Expert. They’ve done a good job in dressing everyone quite elegantly in stylish black and white, but what’s with the ‘why so serious’ expression? He does not look like a man having fun. I think if you’re going to try and pull off high heels, a frilly dress and a beard, a sense of humor is definitely required.
This photograph breaks a couple of my soft rules for picking images for posts. Firstly, it’s a headless shot. I typically shy away from close shots of random limbs and appendages. Secondly, it features cross-dressing and a French maid outfit. I very occasionally feature those two ideas together, but they normally lean on themes of humiliation and ridicule, which really doesn’t push my buttons.
However, I like this shot, because the submissive’s look is so sleek. There’s a cool looking leather corset, a short skirt and a well packaged package. It doesn’t suggest humiliation or a submissive embarrassed by the outfit. It puts in mind a stylish maid, who’ll deliver afternoon tea on time, get the cucumber sandwiches just right, and look damn good while doing it.
