F – Page 43 – Femdom Resource

Dine and Domme tour: East coast edition.

I’ve written in the past about trips I’ve done down the West coast (for example here and here). Combining food and kink (although not necessarily at the same time) is my idea of a great vacation. It has always been a goal to replicate the idea on the East coast, and I’m happy to say that at the end of this month I’m finally getting chance to do so. I’ll be spending a week in Manhattan, doing a little shopping, a lot of fine dining and interspersing them both with some deviant kinky behavior.

The main problem planning this kind of trip is a surfeit of choice. There are just so many great dommes in the NYC area. However, there is one domme that I’ve heard so many good things about that it ultimately made my decision an easy one – Miss Troy Orleans. Fortunately she had time available on her calendar for me, and I’m looking forward to two separate sessions with her. I’m sure we’ll have a lot of fun together.

Ironically scheduling time with professional sadists turns out to be a far more pleasant process than scheduling time with organizations designed to pamper and indulge their guests. And by that I’m talking about NYC restaurants. Most of them make the DMV look like a role model for easy and efficient service. Fortunately, after a lot of listening to call waiting muzac and some mad-ninja open table skills, I snagged reservations at (amongst others) Le Bernardin, Per Se, Eleven Madison Park, Kyo Ya and WD-50. I look forward to blogging in a few weeks about how it all works out.

This image of a rather elegant lady admiring the New York skyline comes courtesy of the he stoops to worship (aka devoted sub) tumblr.

Not a strictly the regulation uniform

While I’m on the theme of peaked military caps, here’s a particularly beautiful image featuring one. The cap reminds me of something from the era of the first World War, although her body stocking isn’t quite of the same vintage. It’s the colors that really captured my attention. The gorgeous tone of her skin and the muted but warm notes in the costume. Plus, she appears to be using her crop as a back scratcher rather than theatrically brandishing it, which makes an interesting change.

The photograph features the model St Merrique and was taken by Tom Lane (free deviant art account needed for both links). You can see other shots from the same series in Tom’s deviant art gallery. I originally found this image on the Mostly Femdom tumblr.

Revisiting the cliché

The peaked cap is a classic look for dominants of both sexes. For female dommes it’s up there with leather corsets, boots and snarling expressions as clichéd elements of the ‘look’.

Personally I was never much of a fan. It struck me as just too stereotypical and ripe for parody. However, having done a session with a domme wearing one, I’m beginning to warm to them. It wasn’t something that I’d requested. I’m not a fetishist and I’m always happy for the dominant to choose and wear whatever she feels like. It even provoked a smile from me when I saw her with it, but in the scene it definitely added something and pushed some of my submissive buttons.

I’d always assumed that the power of the idea came from the military association. Officers wear them, and officers give the orders. There’s definitely an aspect that carries through from that. But I also wonder if there’s something more basic about the design. The horizontal line of the cap helps emphasize the line of the eyes, framing the face and pulling the attention to the wearers gaze. It also hides the softer hair and squares off the head, creating an aggressive profile. It even offers the wearer a degree of control over what they reveal, helping to shield their face is they so desire. I’d always though the military adoption had been an accident of history and BDSM had simply borrowed the psychological aura that came with them. Perhaps there’s actually something more fundamental about the design that makes it work well for both groups.

This is the model Kay Morgan in a photo shot by phoebus-photos. You can see her in a different angle from the same shoot here. I found the above shot on the S.I.N. tumblr.

Do to yourself as you’d have others do to you

I was recently entertained by the story of a Catholic priest who locked himself in handcuffs and had to call 911 to escape them. The linked article even has the audio of the call, complete with the dispatcher asking where he was (the rectory) and did he work there (he admitted he did). The thing I found surprising wasn’t the restraint loving priest, but the slightly incredulous tone of the dispatcher. In a previous life I spent some months working with operators answering emergency calls and, like ER doctors, nothing seemed to really faze them. They’d heard it all before.

Part of me feels a little sorry for the good Father. I’m sure a lot of kinky people experimented with self-bondage when they were young. I know I did, and it was more good luck than judgement that saved me from any similarly embarrassing public situations. On the other hand the priest in question works for Bishop Thomas Paprocki. His various claims to fame include blaming the lawsuits resulting from the Catholic child abuse scandal on the devil, attacking gay marriage as discrimination against Christians and preaching that voting Democrat will send you to hell. Anyone keeping company with a fine ‘Christian’ like that doesn’t get a lot of sympathy from me.

Next time the kinky clergyman feels the urge to restrain himself from sin, he should find himself a Nun to help out. She can take care of the handcuff keys and also any flagellation that might be necessary for such a naughty priest. Perhaps the young lady below would be willing to ensure he repents properly?

You might be surprised to learn that this very authentically costumed ‘nun’ has not actually taken her holy vows. It’s the model Miranda Kerr, as photographed by Greg Kadel for Numéro magazine. I originally stumbled across it on the Kinky Games tumblr.

Christmas balls

I wrote last week about the fun I had being turned into a Christmas tree. It turns out that Lydia wasn’t the only domme feeling inspired by the season. Louca Brazzi has written up an entertaining review of a session he did with Mistress Tess that featured a red striped ass getting pinned with some sparkly Christmas balls. Mistress Tess even captured a photograph of his nicely decorated posterior. They say it’s the season of giving. Clearly in this case it gave her a fun session idea and him a very sore bottom!

It’d be a crime to mention the beautiful Mistress Tess and not take the opportunity to feature a photograph. This one shows her with some of her more interesting looking toys.

Mistress Tess is a NYC based pro-domme. You can find information on her interests and scheduling sessions at her site.

The Dark Knight Confuses

I finally got around to watching the The Dark Knight Rises last week. On the plus side, Anne Hathaway made a fantastic catwoman. The character was well crafted and she was very stylish in the role. On the minus side, the plot of the movie made almost no sense. It was fun to watch, with some great set pieces, but logic clearly took a holiday when it came to writing the script. Bond villains are notorious for giving James a chance to escape and foil their plot rather than simply shooting him in the head. Bane spending 5 months hanging out in Gotham while Bruce goes through a training montage takes that approach to a whole new level of ridiculousness.

Anyway, after yesterdays long post, a little visual loveliness seemed in order. So here’s the delightful Ms Hathaway as catwoman, as found on the Badkitty Kat tumblr.

Getting plastered

Domina Victoria Rage has an interesting post up about a scene she did involving a full plaster of Paris body cast.

For over an hour he held still, waiting patiently in near breathless anticipation as each layer was applied. I was happy to see how quickly it hardened into an ever expanding prison of white. As the minutes ticked by, more and more of him became enveloped and secured, he was stiffened, no movement in his feet or legs, his torso, arms or fingers…. just stillness. All that was left was his neck and his head, and he was SO eager for me to finish the job.
Inescapably Mine by Domina Victoria Rage

With his head and body fully encased she then goes on to do some breathplay, repeatedly cutting off his only lifeline to the outside world.

A few years ago I might have read that post and thought ‘So what?’ I lie still for hours at a time every night in the dark, and I can hold my breath. There’s no pain, so what’s the big deal? Now I’m a touch older and a touch wiser. There’s a big difference between choosing not to move and not being able to move. It takes considerable mental strength to give-up this kind of control for hours at a time.

I love breathplay and bondage, and I’d be fascinated to try this kind of scene out, but it would definitely stress me. There’s very little room for compromise or adaptation. There are no ropes to loosen or hoods to unzip. The submissive either immerses himself into it or the scene is broken. And if he does succumb to panic, it’s not going to be a particularly quick process to cut the plaster away. It takes a lot of trust on the part of the submissive and a very fine degree of judgement on the part of the dominant to pull this kind of thing off.

Victoria Rage is a Seattle based pro-domme. You can visit her professional site here, and read the rest of her blog here.

Obviously you’re not a golfer

Because I’m sure those shoes don’t have the regulation spikes.

The image is of Sophie Horn who, ironically, is actually a very good golfer. I found it on the Alternative Femdom tumblr. And for anyone unaware of the title reference, shame on you.

Getting there is half the fun

My cunning plan to minimize the effort of posting while on vacation is to ~~steal from~~ help publicize other blogs. First up is Lily from theblackleatherbelt who recently wrote these very wise words…

This is something I learned from having sex with women: the fact that THERE WAS NO TIMELINE was a complete revelation. We could make out, fuck, have a sandwich, do some stuff that would look like foreplay in another context, fuck some more, talk, then do it all over again. There was no standard kissing > petting > other assorted foreplay > penetration > the end sequence going on, at all, and the way that increased the quality of the sex is impossible to put words to.

Her whole post was a good one, but this part particularly spoke to me. I’ve always been a fan of the journey rather than the destination. Except when the journey involves flying in economy. In that case, unless the destination features Beelzebub and all his hellish minions, it’s always better to arrive than to travel.

But in the case of sex, when the journey is just so much fun, it always seems a shame when it’s over. I wonder if that’s a view more commonly held by kinky people, and particularly submissive guys, than the general populace? After all we’re used to extended sexual play. Bondage takes time. Endorphins don’t flow instantly. Tease and denial, edging and chastity are all popular kinks with submissive men. Personally I’d always take a couple hours of relaxed kinky fun over a few minutes of wham bam thank you ma’am.

The picture is from the Food, Fucking and Femdom tumblr. I have to say that as tumblr titles go, that’s a pretty good one. Throw in books and cocktails and you’d have my idea of heaven.

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

I’ve always had some degree of discomfort about the idea of financial domination, although I could never put my finger on exactly what it was. It doesn’t push any of my buttons to be described as a ‘pay-piggy’ or objectified as a human ATM, but I could say the same thing about plenty of other styles of play. I’m not into adult/baby roleplay or public humiliation, yet my lack of interest there doesn’t translate into an active discomfort with the activity.

It was only when I was reading this article on a financial domme in NYC that I managed to put my finger on at least part of my problem. I’ve no idea how much truth is in the article, but it certainly reflects an attitude and approach I’ve seen on a lot of fin-domme sites. What bothers me about it is the lack of a ‘duty of care’. All participants in a BDSM scene have a responsibility to ensure it’s safe and consensual, but due to the natural dynamic there’s obviously a particular emphasis on the dominant’s role. She has a duty of care to try and ensure the submissive eventually emerges healthy and undamaged.

This duty doesn’t absolve the submissive of responsibility, and it doesn’t make the dominant responsible for everything and anything that happens. Accidents can happen, both in a physical and emotional sense. But the intent should always be there, and it’s often an intent that seems to be lacking from what I observe of financial domination. It would seem like an area where the risk of harm is particularly high, and therefore greater care should be taken. Yet most of the fin-dommes I stumble across fit the mould of the one in the article. They’re inexperienced, not particularly into BDSM and express little interest in the overall health of their clients. There seems to be a lack of self-analysis and critical evaluation of what they’re doing and why.

In a physical BDSM session there’s also a very clear element of self-interest for the dominant to make sure everyone is safe. Nobody wants to end the scene in an emergency room. And anyone injuring submissives or pushing scenes beyond comfortable limits is going to have difficulty finding play partners (one would hope). I’m not sure what the equivalent feedback mechanism for a financial domme is. The goal would simply seem to be to extract as much as possible without losing the client.

I should be clear this is purely a personal opinion based purely on what I’ve seen on-line. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be involved in or to enjoy. Doubtless there are ethical and talented financial dommes out there. I just found it interesting to finally identify what sometimes niggled me about this very specific dynamic.

The photograph is by Tyler Shields, and features the back of Tamara Ecclestone’s shoes (daughter of billionaire Bernie Ecclestone).