F – Page 44 – Femdom Resource

Getting there is half the fun

My cunning plan to minimize the effort of posting while on vacation is to ~~steal from~~ help publicize other blogs. First up is Lily from theblackleatherbelt who recently wrote these very wise words…

This is something I learned from having sex with women: the fact that THERE WAS NO TIMELINE was a complete revelation. We could make out, fuck, have a sandwich, do some stuff that would look like foreplay in another context, fuck some more, talk, then do it all over again. There was no standard kissing > petting > other assorted foreplay > penetration > the end sequence going on, at all, and the way that increased the quality of the sex is impossible to put words to.

Her whole post was a good one, but this part particularly spoke to me. I’ve always been a fan of the journey rather than the destination. Except when the journey involves flying in economy. In that case, unless the destination features Beelzebub and all his hellish minions, it’s always better to arrive than to travel.

But in the case of sex, when the journey is just so much fun, it always seems a shame when it’s over. I wonder if that’s a view more commonly held by kinky people, and particularly submissive guys, than the general populace? After all we’re used to extended sexual play. Bondage takes time. Endorphins don’t flow instantly. Tease and denial, edging and chastity are all popular kinks with submissive men. Personally I’d always take a couple hours of relaxed kinky fun over a few minutes of wham bam thank you ma’am.

The picture is from the Food, Fucking and Femdom tumblr. I have to say that as tumblr titles go, that’s a pretty good one. Throw in books and cocktails and you’d have my idea of heaven.

Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

I’ve always had some degree of discomfort about the idea of financial domination, although I could never put my finger on exactly what it was. It doesn’t push any of my buttons to be described as a ‘pay-piggy’ or objectified as a human ATM, but I could say the same thing about plenty of other styles of play. I’m not into adult/baby roleplay or public humiliation, yet my lack of interest there doesn’t translate into an active discomfort with the activity.

It was only when I was reading this article on a financial domme in NYC that I managed to put my finger on at least part of my problem. I’ve no idea how much truth is in the article, but it certainly reflects an attitude and approach I’ve seen on a lot of fin-domme sites. What bothers me about it is the lack of a ‘duty of care’. All participants in a BDSM scene have a responsibility to ensure it’s safe and consensual, but due to the natural dynamic there’s obviously a particular emphasis on the dominant’s role. She has a duty of care to try and ensure the submissive eventually emerges healthy and undamaged.

This duty doesn’t absolve the submissive of responsibility, and it doesn’t make the dominant responsible for everything and anything that happens. Accidents can happen, both in a physical and emotional sense. But the intent should always be there, and it’s often an intent that seems to be lacking from what I observe of financial domination. It would seem like an area where the risk of harm is particularly high, and therefore greater care should be taken. Yet most of the fin-dommes I stumble across fit the mould of the one in the article. They’re inexperienced, not particularly into BDSM and express little interest in the overall health of their clients. There seems to be a lack of self-analysis and critical evaluation of what they’re doing and why.

In a physical BDSM session there’s also a very clear element of self-interest for the dominant to make sure everyone is safe. Nobody wants to end the scene in an emergency room. And anyone injuring submissives or pushing scenes beyond comfortable limits is going to have difficulty finding play partners (one would hope). I’m not sure what the equivalent feedback mechanism for a financial domme is. The goal would simply seem to be to extract as much as possible without losing the client.

I should be clear this is purely a personal opinion based purely on what I’ve seen on-line. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be involved in or to enjoy. Doubtless there are ethical and talented financial dommes out there. I just found it interesting to finally identify what sometimes niggled me about this very specific dynamic.

The photograph is by Tyler Shields, and features the back of Tamara Ecclestone’s shoes (daughter of billionaire Bernie Ecclestone).

Who’s honoring me now?

I was very happy to learn that I featured at position 18 in the recently released Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2012. To be honest I’d never heard of this list until a few days ago, and I’ve no idea exactly how the nomination or judging process works. However, on reading it I was immediately struck by the great wisdom and insightful perception of the compiler, Rori. Clearly she’s someone whose judgement should be beyond reproach. And you can trust me on that. I am after all the 18th greatest sex blogger in the world.

A number of my fellow femdom bloggers, with whom I’ve exchanged many friendly comments and emails in the past, also made it onto the list. Ferns in 27th, D from Dumb Domme in 31st, Axe at 49th, Suzanne at 72nd, etc. To them, and all the thousands of nameless sex bloggers who toil over their keyboards every day for little recognition, I say: Suck It! Clearly you’re neither as sexy or as bloggy as me.

If I’m reading this right (and I am), then this is also implies I’m the 18th greatest blogger in the world at sex. I always thought that was true, but it’s nice to have it confirmed by a stranger on the internet. I knew those years of practice alone would pay off. Now I just need to find all the women I’ve slept with in the last few years and show it to both of them. They claimed I was rubbish, but I always said it was impossible for them to form a proper opinion in just a few seconds.

The only thing I’m disappointed by is the lack of an inscribed award statue to stick over the fireplace. Even just a badge or a T-shirt would have been nice. I’m going to be in Vegas again in a weeks time, and I’ve got to think that they would make a great conversation starter in bars. Just as long as nobody from positions 1 through 17 were there to sex-blog block me.

I’ve no idea what image would be suitable for a sex blog award, so here’s an attractive lady in lacy lingerie holding a riding crop. You’re welcome.

The picture is from the Dominant Ladies tumblr. For anyone who has never seen Stephen Colbert, and might be in danger of thinking I was being serious in the post, here and here are some examples of what you’ve been missing.

Sparkle free zone

My image search tells me that the first shot below (found on Mujeres Dominantes) is from a show called the The Vampire Diaries. I’ve never seen it, but I like the blood, knife and rather impractical manacles.

As an adolescent I loved vampire movies, particularly those from Hammer Films. They always had such a great blend of violence, control and sensuality. Dracula was an entertaining character, but my favorite moments came after he’d turned his first voluptuous and skimpily dressed victim to the dark side. While her family looked on in horror, she’d start seducing, biting and generally behaving like a outrageous hussy with anyone in cleavage range. I loved those sequences, and always hated it when some bible thumping puritan turned up and stuck a stake in her.

I was involved in a scene recently where, after tying me up, the dominant carefully bent back my head and then bit me hard on neck and shoulder. It was a great moment and gave me happy flashbacks to sitting in a dark bedroom watching the late great Ingrid Pitt snack on her latest victim.

My what a big one

That’s a rather large black cock she’s sporting. It puts me in mind of an expression from my childhood referring to greed – “His eyes were bigger than his belly.” In this case it’s not going to be his belly that the gentleman on the receiving end will have to worry about.

I also like the contrast between the big strap-on, her conventional attire and the few leather bondage/fetish items on the table. It suggests an interesting ongoing scene that we’ve just caught a single moment from.

I found this on the Prostate Lessons tumblr.

Committing Interesting Adultery

The US press has been full of the David Petraeus scandal recently (catch up on a summary here). I’m not aware of any specific femdom angle, but I did think it a great example of how incredibly stupid sex and sexual attraction can make people.

Here’s a guy who is clearly highly intelligent. He’s very well known, and in a high profile job. Any public scandal will be world news and taint his name and career forever. His position in the army and intelligence community make any kind of secret affair a sackable offense. It’s not like being an American CEO or European politician where you can get away with these kind of things. On top of all that, he’s in a job where he’s highly likely to get investigated and his communication scrutinized. Even if they’re not looking for an affair it might be exposed as part of another investigation that accidentally uncovers it. Yet, despite all that, he still goes ahead and fools around with his attractive biographer. What a very intelligent idiot.

I’d like to think there’s a lesson here. A morale that we can perhaps take to heart. But I suspect it’s the fact that horny people do stupid things. This is unlikely to be news to anyone. Or to influence anyone’s future behavior. Given that his paramour ended up blowing the whole thing by sending some crazy emails to a perceived rival, maybe the lesson should be a phrase that I picked up from Mistress Matisse: Don’t stick your dick in crazy.

I’m not sure where this uniformed lady is planning to stick her dick, but she looks a little pensive about it. Let’s hope crazy won’t feature on the other end of it.

Equality

I generally steer clear of politics on this site. I have strong personal views but I figure nobody comes here to find out what they are. It’s also pretty difficult to find good femdom images on the topics of the US budget or foreign policy. For some reason that’s an erotic niche that really doesn’t get the creative attention it deserves.

However, there’s one topic I do feel comfortable blogging about and that’s marriage equality. There are ballot initiatives for it in Maine, Minnesota, Maryland and Washington. In my adopted home state of Washington it’s Referendum 74, with approval meaning that same sex marriage would be legalized. Whatever your views on politicians and the political process, this particular issue is a very simple yes/no decision where your vote can make a major difference to peoples lives. If you’re in one of those states I’d urge you to vote for equality on Tuesday. I think you’d need a heart of stone to see stories like that of Edie and Thea and still not vote for it.

Alternatively, if you’re one of those people who thinks gay marriage somehow weakens straight marriage, or it’s some untouchable sacred institution, then you can just…

Indulging my fetishes

Posting may be a little erratic for the next few days as I take some time to indulge two of my favorite fetishes. Unfortunately there will not be any interesting photographs or scene descriptions resulting from this, as the fetishes in question are my love for interesting food and luxurious hotels. I’ve escaped the chill of Seattle for a little R&R in Vegas. It’s a fun place (for a brief stay), but not exactly a kinky mecca.

I’ll leave you with a picture featuring a slightly more traditional fetishistic focus. This is Domina Ai-Li, who I’ve played with and written about in the past. She’s based in San Francisco, which might lack the neon and showgirls of Vegas, but certainly puts it to shame when it comes to kink.

En Garde!

Maybe I’ve led too sheltered a kinky life, but I’ve never seen sword fighting crop up as a BDSM activity. Which is kind of odd now I come to think about it. It’s obviously a sexy look, as shown by Mistress Ultra Violet below. It crops up frequently in popular culture, for example the Bride in Kill Bill or Michelle Yeoh and Zhang Ziyi in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. And plenty of other fighting activities, such as wrestling, boxing and martial arts, have been adopted for kinky play.

Obviously real swords would be a problem. Nobody wants to end up with less limbs than they started with, unless they’re unfortunate enough to suffer from apotemnophilia. But there are plenty of practice swords that could be used, and I’m sure there must be some dommes out there who have done fencing or a relevant martial art. Just allow the submissive to only defend and not attack and you’ve got a fun new way to get beaten. Not to mention all the scope for some swashbuckling roleplay – Maid Marion getting her own back on the evil sheriff perhaps?

I came across this image via a post on the Hogspy site.

Equipment lust

You know you’ve probably got a BDSM equipment fetish when you look at this image and see the wood and leather bench before the hot woman in latex. I’m not saying I wouldn’t enjoy hanging out with the gorgeous Bianca Beauchamp, but that bench does look like a beautiful piece of equipment. I always appreciate a well designed and constructed piece of furniture. Mix in the fact in can be used for sexy-fun-time and I develop a serious hardware lust.

I found this on ‘The Heart’s Dark Desire‘ tumblr.