Food for thought

A new year of femdom blogging is opening up before me. So what better way to get going than with some articles on a man who fantasies about killing and eating women? Not exactly femdom I know. If fact, about as far from femdom as you can get. However, the story does raise some important issues around fantasies and on-line behavior that are worth pondering.

The man in question is Gilberto Valle, a former NYC cop. He frequented fetish websites and chat rooms where he shared some very dark discussions around torture, murder and cannibalism. More problematically he used the names and photographs of his wife and female friends in these discussions. When his wife found out she was understandably horrified and told the police. He claimed the discussions were all fantasies. They claimed they were a conspiracy to commit a heinous crime. The jury believed the police and found him guilty. That conviction was then overturned by the judge who said he couldn’t be found guilty for a ‘thought crime’.

There’s a good article on the case, written just after his conviction, available from the New York Magazine. Slate has a follow-up interview with him after he was released. What prompted this post was a fascinating HBO documentary on the case called ‘Though Crimes’. I watched it last week and it raises some really interesting issues around how lines can be drawn between fantasy and reality. If you’re in the US and have HBO on-demand, it’s currently available there.

A key part of the goverment case centered on his Google searches. For a crime to take place there has to be intent – a substantial step taken towards committing it. In this case, lacking hard physical evidence, his searches were taken as evidence of intent. That’s a pretty scary jump to make. The barrier between having a thought and expressing it to a search engine is almost non-existent. How do you distinguish between the intent of someone trying to create a realistic fantasy and the intent to carry out that fantasy? How many of us would like to explain our search histories to the world? Or to defend them to a prosecutor trying to cast them in the worst possible light?

The law has evolved based on the physical world, where actions have costs in time/money/effort. That tells us more about intent. I don’t have much sympathy for the conviction of Chris Asch, one of the people involved in the online discussion, who amassed a very scary collection of tools. You don’t need to own a stun gun to write a good fantasy about using one. But the online would has essentially zero barrier to actions like searching, typing or clicking. One can only hope the law can evolve to incorporate this fact. An online search is much more like a thought than an action.

I generally think that incorporating real people into sexual or violent stories without their knowledge is pretty unpleasant and unethical. But if my opinion doesn’t sway you, and you write about dark non-consensual fantasies online, then keep this case in mind. If you end up as next weeks headlines, it might suck to be thought sick and weird, but that’s definitely better than adding dangerous and criminal into the mix.

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Straight City

I’ve commented before that Las Vegas is not a place I visit for kink. It always struck me as a place for mainstream thrills rather than alternative ones. What I hadn’t noticed until last weekend was just how straight it is.

I spent five days in ‘sin city’ and I saw literally hundreds of heterosexual couples holding hands while wandering down the Vegas strip. Lots of happy vacationing couples keeping close together and affirming their connection. In that same period I saw exactly zero homosexual couples holding hands. In hindsight, given the numbers involved, it seems really weird. Do very few gay people go to Vegas? Is the atmosphere that hostile to gay people? In Seattle I see same sex couples walking together every day of the week. Is Vegas such an aggressively straight touristy city that the pink dollar stays away?

CuteCoupleSadly I’ve no idea who took this shot. If anyone can help me with the attribution then please leave a comment.

Folsom Fair

Once again I missed the premier fetish event in San Francisco. It seems I’m always there just before or just after, but never on the right weekend. I’m heading down next weekend to SF, but unfortunately this year the event already happened a week or so ago. One of these days I’ll get my act together and attend.

I had to laugh at this brief TMZ article on it. Despite the fact that gay men in leather are the majority part of the scene, they still had to describe the images as ‘dominatrix pics’. Apparently if you want to sell a story you have to make it straight, and if you want to make it kinky that means a dominatrix. That’s not to say you can’t see all sorts of gender and kinky combinations at folsom, but the very images TMZ feature under the ‘dominatrix’ title are mostly hunky gay guys.

folsom-street-fair-thirty-three
The above Folsom image is from here and I’d guess from the 2014 event.

Shibari

Hunting around online led me to more great images from the photographer from yesterday’s post. She’s Amaury Grisel and her tumblr has a wonderful collection of Shibari images on it. Most of the erotic imagery I post here I wouldn’t want to share beyond my circle of readers. Her tumblr contains the kind of images I’d like to show non-kinky friends to demonstrate just how beautiful kink can sometimes be.

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Cupping

I’ve often heard people comment with pleasure on the marks they receive during kinky play. They appreciate them as a memento of their play and can be disappointed if they fade to quickly. For anyone who likes heavy marks but doesn’t want to take the kind of heavy beating necessary to get them, I would suggest giving cupping a go. Originally a form of medical treatment (of dubious value), it has also been repurposed for kink. I’ve only tried it a couple of times, but both times I ended up with some really long lasting bruises.

Cups
This image is by the photographer neolestat. I found it via the Faintie tumblr.

Kinky Cookery

Regular readers may be aware that three things I love are food, drink and kink. Typically it’s the first two that go naturally together, but I was very happy to stumble across a blog that combines the first with the last. It’s written by a Mistress Blunt who describes herself as ‘a photographer, a writer, a dominatrix and a hedonist, somewhere wherein lies my love for food.’ As you’d expect with those interests, the blog features some great kinky photographs and interesting recipes. You can also read an interview with her on the topic of food and kink at the munchies site.

Tossed SaladThe above image features Miss Marie Pearl and is taken from a post on a tossed salad recipe.

What would Miss Manners say?

As eye catching headlines go this one takes some beating – A Princess Once Dueled A Countess Over Floral Arrangements… Topless. It’s got aristocracy, violence, naked ladies and flower arranging all in one sweet bundle. It sounds like something from a 1960’s B movie, but apparently women dueling in the late 19th century was seen as a progressive act.  This was therefore an emancipated duel. I’m not sure acting as stupidly as men did is really progress, but I guess it made some sort of sense in the context of the time.

Probably the most famous female swordswomen from history would be Julie d’Aubigny, who I’ve covered here in a previous post. I don’t think she ever fought topless or over a bunch of flowers. In more recent years we had the famous documentary on the killing of Bill. I believe the duel below was triggered by a disagreement over wedding arrangements, so I guess little has changed over the last hundred or so years.

Kill Bill Scene

KinkBNB

You may have heard of Airbnb, the service that facilities property rentals between private individuals. Well now there is KinkBNB, a service that lets you rent other kinksters play spaces. Renting a play space obviously isn’t a new idea, but I’m not aware of any service for coordinating the process. Typically you’d need to hunt around different pro-domme sites and forums to see what was available. It seems to be mostly Californian spaces at present, but if the concept takes off, maybe there’ll soon be spaces soon available in every town.

Of course while well equipped play spaces can be fun, you don’t actually need one to get kinky. This couple seem to be having a good time in what looks like a hotel room. Or at least one of them is having a good time. It’s a little hard to ascertain the attitude of the other one.

HotelRoom

Pick a number

It’s not femdom related, but I found this article on estimating the percentages of LGB people an interesting one. In most important ways the actual number is irrelevant. It’s clearly millions of people, so I’m not sure why different groups get so riled up over the exact count. It’s the historical and scientific perspective that I find interesting. One thing that comes through clearly from the article is the difficulty in giving a binary answer to what’s not a binary situation. There’s also clearly shifts in the numbers that reflect both changes in public identification and changes in actual behavior.

The precision of the wording in these kind of surveys always makes me smile. In this case I particularly liked the phrase – “someone with whom you have had any genital contact intended to achieve orgasm”. That’s a smooth line to use in a bar – “Fancy coming back to my place? I’ve got a box of Franzia in the fridge and a smooth jazz CD in the stereo. Maybe we could have some genital contact with the intention of achieving orgasm?”

I wonder if there was a line in the survey that would fit these two ladies? I’m not sure about genital contact or the intention to achieve orgasm, but there’s definitely something pretty kinky going on.

TwoOnHorseI believe the artist is Chéri Hérouard aka herric.

The alpha female submissive?

More ruminations follow on the often espoused theory that submissives are frequently thrusting, successful alpha types in daily life. I hadn’t intended to write quite so much about this, but the more I ponder it, the more flaws I see in it.

In my original post I used the expression ‘submissive people’, but that’s not really accurate. I almost never hear of female submissives described in this way. The powerful controlling person who needs to let go in the bedroom is always a man in a ‘stressful’ job. He needs to take a timeout and not be himself for a while. When it comes to female submissives the more common descriptions center around secret yearnings, a desire to be controlled and tapping into fantasies. It’s about giving in to her deep desire, rather than stepping outside of the self.

In other words male submission is being positioned as taking a break from the normal state of affairs, where female submission is about a desire to return to a more natural order. To me that says much more about the way society perceives gender and power dynamics than it does about the nature of submission. It’s fundamentally an inconsistent view motivated by the need to fit it into conventional structures.

Cute Collared SlaveThe cute slave in this image is doubtless getting in touch with her inner desire for submission. Of course if she was a man then this would have been shot in between power lunches and organizing leveraged buy-outs on Wall Street.

The original source for this is the Everyday Slave site. I found it via the Alternative Femdom tumblr.