Fm – Page 176 – Femdom Resource

The big O

Emily Nagoski has an interesting post up in relation to this Jezebel article on female pleasure and the emphasis put on the orgasm. The writing is in the context of vanilla sexual relationships rather than kinky ones, but it got me thinking about how the ideas related to more unconventional sexual interactions.

For men, orgasm and pleasure are closely linked. They’re practically the same thing. They can enjoy arousal without orgasm, sure, but basically they can tell if they had a good sexual experience by whether or not they’ve had an orgasm.

And they apply that standard – THEIR standard, the male/masculine standard – to their women partners. As though women are men, and as though to be anything else is to be broken.

So even if a guy wants his female partner to have orgasms because he wants to make her feel good, which is lovely and very nice, why can’t he just MAKE HER FEEL GOOD because he wants to make her feel good, without the performance demands of orgasm?

Orgasm is often slower and more effortful for women than for men; it’s more variable from woman to women, more variable from day to day in an individual woman. Sometimes orgasm just isn’t there for her; she can still experience truckloads of pleasure, though.
Emily Nagoski

It’s tempting at this point to start getting pedantic about the definition of sexual experience. I’ve had some amazingly enjoyable experiences being bound, beaten and burnt that I’d consider as very sexual but that didn’t feature orgasms. However, for the sake of argument lets just consider sexual experiences as they’re more commonly defined, where genitals and stimulation of some sort is involved. In that scenario I think it’s still incorrect to say that an orgasm is necessary for a kinky man to have a good sexual experience. But I do think that the idea of an orgasm is a key part of the experience. Chastity play and tease and denial all concentrate on the removal of the orgasm. Edging is all about repeatedly approaching the point of orgasm without tipping over it. Ruining an orgasm is about spoiling the moment itself. These different type of orgasm control may or may not feature an actual physical orgasm, but they do put the idea of it right at their heart.

In contrast some women (and it’s impossible to avoid stereotyping here as Emily acknowledges) are not wired in that way. Lack of orgasm isn’t necessarily a sign of total failure in bed, in the same way that your partner achieving orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a fantastic lover. To quote Emily once again – “pleasure is a destination, not a journey; if you feel good, you have already arrived.”

Where I think this gets particularly interesting in the kinky domain is how it relates to lifestyle male chastity arrangements. I have to tread a little carefully here, as I’m not speaking from first hand knowledge of that specific type of play. However, I’ve never let lack of knowledge get in the way of my opinions before, and I don’t see any reason to start now.

I browse and read a variety of kinky blogs (not all of them linked to from here) and one of the subtexts I observe in a lot of male chastity blogs is a type of transference of sexual expectation. It often seems that simple denial or control over the male orgasm isn’t enough. To be truly satisfying their has to be frequent orgasmic sexual experiences for their female keyholder. There are no doubt a lot of complex reasons behind that, but a key factor seems to be avoiding turning a deliberate denial of sexual pleasure into a total absence of sex. From the male perspective sex involves orgasms, and if he’s not having them, then it’s necessary (or at least highly desirable) that she is.

That of course then runs directly into the issues Emily is addressing above. Male expectations around sex and orgasms can’t automatically be projected onto women. And yet long term chastity play seems to encourage that very projection, with the resulting conflicts you’d expect from that.

I’m afraid I have zero answers for how to resolve this issue. Other than perhaps being aware of its existence and using that knowledge to think creatively around the conflict. In the meantime, while I brace myself for a flood of comments from men in chastity telling me I’m full of crap, here’s a nice shot of a steelwerks chastity device. It’s from their blog and was supplied by one of their clients.

Helping out in the kitchen

Washing and drying dishes is always a very dull task. Endless scraping and rinsing with the constant risk of chipping something expensive. Mindful of this, it looks like Mistress Juri has kindly decided to help out with some distracting torments. It’s unclear just how grateful her slave is for this additional entertainment, but at least she looks like she’s enjoying it.

That second image actually shows one of my favourite activities – a mistress pushing against clips or clamps with her body. There’s something very erotic about taking what should be a simple sensual pleasure, two bodies rubbing against each other, and adding a sharp twist of pain to it. I remember a session where, after a lot of painful torture and the application of many sharp clips, the mistress (Lady Lydia) gently hugged me. At first this was very relaxing and calming, a tender moment after a lot of pain. But then she slowly began to slide against me, dragging the clips along, and I screamed in her arms. I still get happy masochist shivers thinking about that moment. This shot isn’t quite as intense as that was but, then again, I wasn’t dealing with tableware at the time.

The images come from Mistress Juri’s blog. I believe she works as a pro-domme out of the Mistress Club in Ginza (although I’m relying on google translate for that). Bizarrely when I look at what I assume is her professional information page via google translate, it appears she’s grouped her interests into “Play fighting”, “Slut play”, “Soft play” and “White men can’t jump.” What is up with that final translation? The first three make sense, but I can’t imagine what the original phrase was that google translate decided was best represented by a Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson movie.

Poking the piñata

Here’s a pretty cool suspension rigging. He’s hanging in a nicely tied bundle, available to be swung back and forth as needed, with a perfectly positioned posterior. Unfortunately he’s not looking too happy about it. In contrast she’s obviously enjoying herself, smiling with just a touch of lip curling sneer mixed in. Her boots aren’t in the more traditional/cliched (strike whichever you prefer) domme style, but they fit this prison like setting nicely. I’m guessing no matter how much she beats on this piñata no candy is going to be falling out, but that’s not going to stop her trying.

I found this on the snail meilk site, but it’s obviously originally from the men in pain site.

Paging Marcel Marceau

I don’t really do role playing. Most of my fantasy involve me being helpless while a sadistic woman enjoys tormenting me in creative ways. That pretty much fits with standard kinky play, no extra layer of acting or creativity required. I also dislike having to think too much when I’m playing. I spend most of my life having to think creatively and solve problems. It’s therefore great to simply let go in a session and slip into subspace, where my opinions don’t count for anything.

That said, I do appreciate the idea of role playing, and I like reading about what other creative fantasy’s people manage to come up with. I was therefore very entertained by this post on The Hang, where regular contributor loucabrazzi listed some of his favorite sessions. All the sessions he describes are a little outside the usual cliches of school mistresses, nurses or prison guards. And his number one session is definitely not one you’ll see in the average kinky porn shot.

1) A Mime session with Mistress Tess in which she plays a mannequin and I’m the “Poor Soul” who wishes her to come to life, but it turns out that once she did come to life, she was a sadistic woman. I did a funny dance routine, with my pants falling down, to Frank Sinatra singing, “All I Need Is The Girl” while she was standing completely still. The whole role play was done in mime with neither of us saying a word or making a sound (even when I was thrashed) and the music was fantastic.

Every time I read that it makes me laugh out loud. I think it’s brilliant. Whenever I happen to drive past a known dungeon location I have a secret smile to myself about what exciting hijinks may be taking place inside. I’d never considered that they might include mimed dance routine to Frank Sinatra in front of a domme pretending to be a mannequin. Followed by a silent thrashing. Now I’ve got a great new mental image to carry with me.

Unsurprisingly, it’s pretty hard to come up with any images of femdom mimes or mannequins to go with this post. I did find this weirdly amusing pornographic shot featuring a mime, but it’s pretty much the opposite of femdom. So instead, given loucabrazzi is a corporal punishment fan, I thought I’d go with something a little more old school and traditional. This is Julia Jameson in an Leda shot that I think was published originally in Ma’am magazine.

Twiddling with the blogroll

I’ve made a few changes to the blogroll over on the right. Specifically, I’ve carved out a new section for femdom art blogs. The definition of what’ll go in here is kind of fuzzy, but it’ll include active artists blogs (e.g. RedRump, Underling), blogs writing about and featuring femdom artwork (e.g. he stoops to worship and Femdom Artists) and odd but related stuff I like (e.g. contemplating the divine). The femdom images page will still be the home for more tumblr style blogs that feature a lot of photographs and re-posted images.

For an accompanying image for this post I picked an artist who recently featured both in this post on ‘he stoops to worship‘ and in this post on ‘Femdom Artists’ – Laurent Lebeau. I thought this image was a particularly cute one. No extreme punishment. No ice queen mistress. No beaten and bruised slave. Just a happy and excited guy taking his pants off while the mistress patiently (and slightly nervously in my eyes) waits for him. It looks like the beginning of a very enjoyable scene.

The money shot

Here’s another appealing trio of images. The final one is the money shot, both in the traditional porn movie sense, and in the more specific femdom sense. You can see the original full size version of it over at the Femdom Proper tumblr site.

There’s a lot to like in that final image. Obviously there’s the beauty of a ruined orgasm caught at the critical moment. There’s her hand gripping his balls, squeezing as necessary to blend a little pain into the mix. There’s the comfortable like a cat position she’s adopted, curled up on the chair while he stands naked beside it. And finally, there’s the expression on her face. She looks intrigued, amused and satisfied by the effect she’s achieved.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for these images. If anyone knows then leave a comment I’ll update the post appropriately.

A better use for a stripper pole

I’ve seen cock trample boards in numerous movies and images. They’re particular popular for showing via animated gifs, for example this. However, until last week, I’d never personally had chance to try one. It turned out to be quite an experience.

The version I was under didn’t have the stripper pole accessory, as shown in the images below, but was essentially the same design. The submissive lies on the floor, supported by a cushion or two, and his cock goes through the hole in the board. The mistress is then free to trample, stomp and rub with her boots or heels. Or dance the charleston should she prefer.

For such a simple idea it’s amazingly effective. It gives a stable platform for the mistress to stand on, so she has very fine control over how and where she applies pressure. The hard surface provides her with something to press against, allowing her to easily trap tender flesh under her heels. She can also play mind games, alternating stroking with torture, or pretending to stamp down hard while intentionally just missing. From my perspective it was a real rush to be able to look up from that position, gazing up at the heels and long legs of the mistress, and having her stare directly down at me. At first glance it looks like it’d be similar to being trampled, but in reality I found it a lot more intense and enjoyable.

These images are taken from this gallery on the cbtrampling site. They have several galleries and a clips store with numerous videos.

The showing of the implements

I did a session last week where, once I’d been initially shackled to a St. Andrews cross, the domme started pulling out various implements from her bag of tricks. She described each of them as she did so, and laid them out on the bench in front of her. It made for a interesting opening few minutes, setting the scene for what was to come.

I was reminded of that when I saw this image. Judging by his pained expression and hand position, this is obviously not right at the start of the activity. But I like to think it’s capturing a moment mid-way through. She’s giving him a moment to collect himself, offer him a little bit of manual encouragement, and to show him what implements she still needs to use on him. It’s the arm around his shoulder and her focused but caring expression that really makes this image work for me.

I was sent this by a reader who thought I might appreciate it. He’d enjoyed one of my earlier posts, and wanted to share some art that he felt had a similar sense of emotion and intimacy. So my thanks to him for pointing me at this particular piece.

The magical, mysterious, mighty member

Just a quick post today. I’m sitting in a San Francisco hotel room looking at a lot of clothes that need to fit into a small carry-on bag by tomorrow. Some rewriting of the laws of time and space may be necessary, Or alternatively, I need to find a BBW to sit on my case.

In the meantime here’s an image I found both appealing and slightly surreal. The surreal part is the way the cock seems to descend from nowhere. Not even a glory hole or table cut-out. Just a magical floating cock. But I do find her expression and appraising finger appealing. It looks like she’s considering her options. Stimulate it? Slap it? Or give it a pull and see if the butler appears?

I found this on the Cock Ball Torture tumblr site.

Standing to attention

Male arousal is a funny thing. I find it’s often treated as a binary state. Erect=Aroused. Flaccid=Unaroused. But the reality is a little more complex than that. It’s probably a safe bet to say that the gentleman in the shot below is fairly aroused. The positive state is hard to disguise or confuse. The converse situation is a little trickier to interpret. There are many times where my brain and body have been very excited, awash in adrenalin and endorphins, but my cock has decided retreat and concealment is the best course of action. There’s a level of pain that my brain and body finds appealing, which leads to arousal. A pinch to the nipples would be a good case in point. But there’s a further and more intense level of pain that my brain still enjoys, but by body (or at least its arousal and hydraulic system) gives up on. A severe caning is wonderful, but some important bits of my body don’t always seem to agree.

None of this would really matter if this state of affairs was widely understood. But it sometimes seems not to be. In non-kinky sex then it’s probably true that a flaccid man is an unexcited man. Or at least a man in need of little blue pills. But kinky sex requires an entirely different set of rules. Just because everything isn’t standing to attention all the time doesn’t necessarily mean the gentleman isn’t enjoying what’s happening to him.

I found this on the domme pics site.