Fm – Page 181 – Femdom Resource

The distillation of sensation

The images in today’s post come courtesy of this serious bondage article, and feature Ms Yin Q, now of Glint studio.

I have to admit that before I gained any experience in the reality of BDSM I used to think heavy bondage aficionados were a little strange. I kind of got it on an intellectual and fantasy level. A lot of kinky activities are about the transfer of control, emphasizing power by removing freedoms we normally take for granted. But all the customized leather and rubber equipment just looked so strange, so alien. The weird forms of people wrapped in it seemed to play into the stereotypes of odd fetishists doing unexplainable things in their own little worlds.

Having now had a chance to explore some aspects of these worlds for myself, I think I have a much better appreciation for what’s going on. Truth be told I still think it all looks a little peculiar, but I now understand that it’s not necessarily about fetishizing a material and simply wanting to be wrapped in it. There may be an element of that for some people, but it’s the bondage subspace and the sensory changes that seem to be the main goals. As Ms Yin says in the article…

I am obsessed with sending sensations to different orifices and body bits through Erostek stmulators, temperature control, catheters, and feeding tubes, sound bites to earphones, and remote control vibrators.
Not to mention the simple, but powerful act of letting the body be—stepping away and allowing the subject to melt into their head/body space.

I was personally amazed at the impact that heavy bondage and sensory deprivation had on the way I experienced stimulation. Pain and pleasure very quickly became magnified. A whip stroke that might normally only produce a murmur suddenly produces a howl. Miss Troy Orleans talked about much the same effect in her recent post on layering. It seems that the brain constantly tries to normalize and balance its sensory input. In a noisy environment it helps to tune out the superfluous signal. And in the signal poor environment of heavy bondage and isolation it grabs onto whatever it can and magnifies it.

Submissive men on sale. Big discounts. Take one home, just $1.99

There’s an interesting discussion going on over at Delving Into Deviance, triggered by a post entitled ‘The devaluation of male submission‘. I came at it via Tom Allen on his vanilla edge blog, along with his interview at Dishevelled Domina.

I think it’s worth reading and raises some good points. I certainly agree with Tom when he talks about a lack of cultural models for male submission and female dominance. Outside of the stereotypical dominatrix dynamic, there is really no good understanding of these roles in conventional society. I also have a lot of sympathy with Dev in her original post when she expresses frustration at the ice queen archetype and the preconceptions of what femdom should and should not be. I frequently feel the need to fight against the tired cliche of the snarling domme dressed in leather. However, a number of the arguments in her post had me scratching my head.

One contention seemed to be that the ratio of submissive men to dominant women is 1:1, and she links to a post by Bitchy Jones arguing exactly the same thing. Now while there are a lot of good things you can say about Bitchy’s writing, such as entertaining, thought provoking and heartfelt, I never found logical coherent arguments to be her strong suit. In this case the argument seems to run: The ratio of dominant women to submissive men is 1:20 (made-up number), the actual ratio is 1:1 (made-up number), therefore 19:20 (made-up number) women are being excluded from their true identity as dominants. This is because of the current screwed up culture of femdom (supposition without evidence).

All the anecdotal evidence points to the existence of considerably more submissive men than dominant women. As Dev herself says, any woman signing up to a BDSM site is going to get an instant influx of men messaging her to be her slave. I think it’s fine to say that more women would enjoy exploring a more dominant role given better cultural models. But if you’re going to go completely against the existing evidence, and claim that the ratio is actually 1:1, it’d be nice to have some real data points to base that on. Or even some anecdotal evidence to throw onto the other side of the scales.

There’s also this statement:

As I’ve come to realize the fucked up state of femdom, I’ve concurrently become aware of the fucked up state of male submission – namely, it’s devaluation. While female dominants are made out to be some scarce resource, male submissives are depicted as a dime a dozen – common, and, even more disturbingly, weak and worthless.

Who is depicting male submissives as weak and worthless? When does this happen? The role doesn’t exist in the mainstream world, so it’s hard to see how it can be denigrated in that context. Good pro-dommes certainly don’t treat their submissives as weak and worthless. Maybe the reference is to local kink community activities, but that seems like it’d depend very much on the specific local community in question. Male submissives obviously can’t rely on their submission alone to make them valuable, the numbers just don’t work out. But that’s true for most things in life, both kinky and vanilla. Any relationship is about the total package each individual brings into it, and components of that package that are both rare and useful will always be more valued.

Finally, there’s this:

Pro-Dommes meet a need. They are the supply to a demand. However, they contribute to the perpetuation of a picture of female domination that just doesn’t reflect real life.

Whose real life are we talking about? Are not pro-dommes part of real life? They’re certainly part of my life, which seems pretty real to me. There often seems to be a tendency to draw very black and white distinctions between pro and lifestyle play. But in reality pro-dommes are normally lifestyle players themselves. And many lifestyle people enjoying playing with a lot of the accoutrements found in a professional dungeon. Pro-dommes aren’t dressing up in leather because they all own shares in cattle farms. They’re doing it because lots of people find it attractive.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Dev’s writing and I’ll be adding her blog to my blogroll. I’d certainly like there to be a lot more dominant women out there, and treasuring male submission is a fabulous thing to do. I’m just not sure I follow all the arguments in this particular post.

This image has been floating around a number of tumblr sites. I found it on lunar black. I liked it for showing an atypical activity for a femdom situation and still making it work. I’m certainly no fan of strictly demarcated lines for what is and isn’t appropriate dominant behaviour.

A fun afternoon (for 66.6% of people surveyed)

This image appeals to me for its ordinariness. There’s no leather, or bondage or fetish gear. There’s just a fairly standard looking room, a bed, a couple of people in street clothes and a naked guy. Passionate sweaty sex appears to be on the agenda. At least for two of the people involved.

I realize as I type this that only in my world could a shot of a woman smothering a naked guy in chastity, whilst kissing her stud boyfriend, be described as ‘ordinary’. But compared to a lot of the material I feature, it is very light on fetish elements. I like to imagine this is an unplanned afternoon burst of passion, a spontaneous fuck the cuckold wasn’t even expecting.

I also like the two different dynamics in play. She has her head back, kissing upwards to the stud. It’s a classic pose, suggestive of a far more passive and receptive female role. And yet she’s clearing dominating the cuckold, pushing down with her hand and smothering his face. I think that makes it almost more humiliating.

I’m not sure who the people are. The woman looks a little like Mistress T, who I know does a lot of cuckold shoots. However, that’s very much a wild guess on my part. I found it on Erotic Haecceities.

Nipple Nibbles

I have three excellent reasons for this particular image post. Firstly, it features biting and nipple torture, which rank high in my list of favourite activities. Secondly, the lady doing the biting is Mistress Natsukiss. As I’ve commented here in the past, I find her a very captivating domme. There’s certainly no shortage of beautiful dominant women on this blog (and others), but there’s something about her attitude that gives me, in the best possible way, a shiver up the spine. Finally, I noticed that HMP had posted that it was his birthday, and I know he’s a man who appreciates some good nipple torment. So here you go, a beautiful birthday bite.

I found this image on the Gorean Kajirus tumblr site.

Pegging in the park

Summer seems to have finally sneaked up on Seattle. By which I mean we’ve had a few days over 70F and it’s been warm enough for short sleeves, provided you stay out of the shade. In honour of that, here’s a nice outdoor shot of a couple taking a break from strawberries and cream to fit in a little pegging action. I particularly like her hat. There’s not many femdom scenes where a straw hat looks the part, but this is that rare exception.

I’m afraid I don’t know who the couple are. I believe I found this at pegtastic.

Grumpy Chair

After that last post with its very serious subject matter, I though a little levity might be in order, and this image brought a smile to my face. The red dress and shoes are nice, but nothing too special. In contrast, the look on her chair’s face is priceless.

If I had to invent a backstory for this image, I’d say it was shot in sex/fetish shop, with her as the demanding customer and him as the helpful shopkeep. He has the look about him of a bear, which might explain his less than thrilled expression.

I’m afraid I don’t know the lady in question. I found the image on the Balls Crushing tumblr site.

Extreme Edge Play

I always endeavor to give this blog a broad appeal, across both the gender divide and the top/bottom divide. Obviously everything I post has to be of interest to me at some level, but I try and avoid limiting it to a narrow range of activities or styles of play. I’m fortunate, or possibly cursed, with a wide range of kinks, so finding topics interesting to me is never too difficult. And anyone looking for a simple stream of hot domme images has plenty of other options.

One area that periodically pops up is edge play, involving activities that some might consider extreme. My post from yesterday would be a good example, as would some of my personal posts on butterfly boarding or suturing. I’m always careful how I present this kind of information, as I don’t want people to casually browse to my frontpage and get some enormous disturbingly graphic image shoved in their face. At the same time, I think edge play is an interesting topic to talk about and don’t want to ignore it entirely.

In that spirit, I want to talk about a type of edge play that scares the hell out of me. It makes branding or cutting look positively delightful, and I doubt I’ll ever try it, or even be in a position to. The description of it comes courtesy of a post from Em called ‘The Real Deal‘ over on Mrs, Kelly’s Playhouse. Let me quote the relevant part:

…. Scott will be totally and completely financially dependent on me. He gets a small social security check that no one could actually live off and that’s it. And though he is well-educated and smart, America hasn’t been nice to him in the job department. He’d have a really hard time making it on his own. Now that’s power.

Fortunately, for Scott, I really love him and will keep my promise to always give him a place to stay (probably the garage) no matter what happens. But when I consider how I want to wield my new — more genuine — power, whips, hoods, and cages, are not the things that come to mind.

I love all the naughty things we get up to, but I want a clean bathroom. I want laundry that is folded and put away properly. I want spotless floors and a meal on the table when I come home. I want organized files and clean counters. And I want all this without a word of complaint. No whining about time for himself.

This is actually a more interesting journey to me. We’ve had great fun but now it is not about fun, it is about what I want.

I find this fascinating to think about on a number of different levels. My immediate reaction was to recoil from the concept. I’ve been an independent and (relatively) successful person for well over a decade now. The idea that it’d be possible for me to voluntarily give-up that type of freedom is abhorrent to me. I’d always want the option to be able to walk away from a situation. But that led me thinking about what femdom mean to different people. Is it femdom to play a few hours a week with a casual play partner or a pro-domme? Or is that simply a sensation seeking physical encounter of a sexual nature? What about a lifestyle relationship where the male is the only financial provider? Even if she controls the bank account, he can walk away or change the arrangements at anytime. Does it make sense to talk about the degree of dominance as defined by the difficulty of ceasing the relationship? And at what point do issues of consent start to become relevant?

I wonder how many men out there, who purport to crave a 24/7 lifestyle relationship, would actually be happy with the kind of approach Em and Scott are exploring. I don’t think I could ever put myself in that situation. I’ve written in the past about the enjoyment I find in being pushed towards my limits. I think a lot of that enjoyment would dissipate if I didn’t have the option to step away.

I found this image on Becoming Nathalie, it’s obviously originally from Nylon Jane. It’s completely unrelated to Em and Scott, but as a nice illustration of a housemaid being scolded it seemed to fit the post.

What do you want from me, blood?

Warning: This post contains discussion of blood play, so if that’s not something you want to read about, I suggest skipping to the next one.

After yesterday’s post on pretentious art with a kinky theme, I thought in this post it’d be good to look at some kinky artwork that I actually liked. The work in question is by Ms Sade Ami and was created by using drips of blood from a masochists cock to paint onto a large canvas. You can see the general setup from the first two images below, and the final completed work in the right-hand image (click to enlarge). A full gallery showing the whole process in a lot more detail (along with a video clip) is available here.

Painting with bodily fluids is nothing new. Andre Serrano is probably most famous for it, but lots of modern artists have dabbled with their own (and others) internal juices. It was even the theme of one of the very early splatter movies, made by Hershell G Lewis back in the 1960’s, featuring a crazy artist searching for just the perfect shade of red.

Ms Sade’s outfit reminds me a little of a horror movie. The mask and the apron are imposing and just a little scary. But I like the final work and the process that went into creating it. I often find there’s a lot of creative energy that gets channeled into a session, and this looks like a fascinating way to direct that into something tangible.

Pseuds Kinky Corner

The satirical British magazine Private Eye runs a regular column called Pseuds Corner, containing reader submitted quotes of journalists being particularly pretentious or pompous. It’s normally dominated by art critics, who typically suffer from the biggest gap between their perception of the world (and themselves) and how the rest of us experience it. I couldn’t help thinking that this recent review of a modern dance piece in the Guardian would make a good submission to the column.

In Diaghilev on the Beach, former Boston Ballet dancer Joseph Mercier presents a reworking of Nijinsky’s Prélude à l’après-midi d’un faune, set to Debussy’s score. Mercier locates the piece at a balmy poolside, where two cocktail-sipping, harem-panted Nefertitis (Sarah Cattrall and Natalie Clarke) indulge their slave (Mercier), who is costumed in golden briefs and a jewelled dog collar. As Clarke languidly oils her breasts, Cattrall leads Mercier around, occasionally permitting him to lick her feet, and alternately stroking and slapping him. Nijinsky’s 1912 work ends with the faun shuddering in orgasm over a scarf stolen from a nymph, and a century later Mercier references the critical reaction (“filthy and bestial”, according to Le Figaro) by having Cattrall lubricate a butt plug attached to a jewelled animal tail, and insert it in her slave’s proffered rectum. It’s a startling moment, and even among the too-cool-for-school Chisenhale crowd occasions a quiet intake of breath. But the piece works. It perfectly reproduces the timeless languor of the original, it matches it in provocation, and in Mercier’s assumption of the most abject characteristics of the Faun and the Golden Slave from Schéhérazade (another Diaghilev sex-ballet), pitches reverberant questions about the dominant-submissive relationship of performer and audience.

I’m normally all for exploring questions about dominant-submissive relationships. And some languid breast oiling combined with a little foot worship, slapping and anal play sounds like a pretty good way to spend a Tuesday night. I may even add it to my ‘ideas for sessions’ list. But the idea of sitting in an audience and watching a modern dance interpretation of it? That sounds like the bad kind of humiliation and psychological torture.

Admittedly this image is more a garden scene than a balmy poolside, but there is a collar, leash and tail butt plug involved. It’s an image I like for the stillness and thoughtfulness of it. They’re not heavily involved or interacting. Just sitting for a private moment with their thoughts.

I’ve seen work by this artist before, but I can’t recall his or her name. As usual, I’m sure one of my highly knowledgeable readers will know the answer, so please leave a comment if you can help me attribute it.

Housekeeping

I’ve done some tidying of links on the site.

Over on the right I’ve dropped a few blogs that were no longer being updated and fixed the link Ms Sade’s blog (which was there but broken). I’ve also added a link to wicked inamorata, a lifestyle blog written by a dominant women looking after her sissy Christie.

On the image link page I’ve removed a dead link (the 7 fetishes site seems to have vanished), and added six new links. These are Coisa, Femdom Style Counsel, Pegtastic, Becoming Nathalie, bendoverboyfriend and Gorean Kajirus.

Image is from the Coisa tumblr site, an image blog specializing in pictures of dominant Asian women. A topic which, I have to admit, is particularly close to my heart.