Tag: Fm

Chasing Cars

I was musing yesterday on the contradictions in how I play and find pleasure. After I wrote the post it struck me that what initially seemed strange is actually pretty normal when it comes to kink. A lot of it is inherently contradictory.

Take chastity play for example. The internet’s caption industry would have you believe that there are countless women out there who live for locking dicks away. In reality I’m sure that the vast majority of instigators for chastity play are men. They’re so desperate to orgasm while being simultaneously desperate to be told they can’t orgasm. Denial is a hell of a drug.

Bondage is often a similar story. It’s all very briar patch. Most scenes involve a dynamic of “Oh please don’t tie me up and do terribly painful things to me! Oh no! I simply can’t get away…. hold on … that lower rope is pinching. Can you … OK … that’s better. Now where was I … Oh! That hurts so much…”

Kinksters are like dogs chasing cars. The end goal doesn’t make much sense and we probably wouldn’t enjoy it much if we ever got there. It’s the thrill of the chase, the joy of the moment and the idea of the unobtainable goal that we live for.

This particular doggy clearly chased one too many cars, and is now being caged for his own safety. Sadly I think the site that originally created this image has ceased to exist.

Strange Choices

Mercy, Maria! has done a highly scientific survey (AKA twitter poll) and discovered that 75% of penis-enjoying dommes also like PIV sex. This survey is of course targeting the tired and stupid cliche that dommes should never has sex with their submissives as that’s not a dominant thing to do. That 75% number doesn’t surprise me, as I’ve been onboard this particular train for many years. For example, in this series of posts here, here and here. Dominance flows from the dynamic and attitude of those involved, not the activities they do.

However, the survey did get me thinking about some of the sessions I’ve done in the last year. Not, I hasten to add, because they involve any PIV activity. There’s no sex in the champagne room or the pro-domme dungeon, but there can be a lot of tease and denial in both, which I personally love. It’s that sense of being so close and yet so far from satisfaction, riding along that fine edge of frustration. I’m normally reduced to an incoherent endorphin crazed mess when a domme rubs against me, whispers into my ear how hot, wet and tight she is, how close to her pussy I am, and then laughingly beats my dick down with the nearest implement to hand.

The idea of having sex being a turn on is probably not going to be earth shattering news to anyone. Yet the thing is, if I wanted to actually put my P into someone’s V, I could arrange that. I could easily book a fun and attractive escort rather than a pro-domme. I could even go really nuts and do that thing people do with the coffee and the dinner and the conversation … you know .. something beginning with D. Dancing? Dillydallying? Dating! That’s it. Yet somehow I choose to play with someone who’ll never have sex with me, yet at the same time uses the idea of it against me, to arouse me and then hurt me.

This artwork is by fruit succubus via this tweet. They have a DeviantArt account here and will accept commissions.

His Expression

I post a lot of images because I like the domme’s expression, but this one is all about his expression. There’s a lot of emotion packed into that face. It’s a look of – “Oh, it’s going to hurt … but I trust you …  please don’t … please do … be kind … but hurt me.” I can relate to that look.

Her hand around his neck is also a very sexy touch. Intimacy but also a sense of control and ownership.

This is Aoi Musashi and  Mistress Natsukiss in image I found via this tweet.

In Olden Times

Yesterday’s post reminded me of two excellent blog posts from 2019 on meeting pro-dommes in the pre-internet era. This one by the UK based Sardax (complete with some lovely illustrations) and this one from the New York of Irv O. Neil. I think both give a fascinating glimpse into what was obviously a tricky and fraught process.

My favorite tale from those days was one that I remember reading on MaxFisch years ago. I can’t find the original post, or remember who wrote it, but the details stuck in my mind. The submissive in question had set up a session via a phonebox card and ended up in a dingy London basement with a lady who didn’t in any way resemble her ad. Nevertheless, he persevered through a lackluster session, which was supposed to culminate in a golden shower. The lady had insisted on a blindfold for this, which obviously wasn’t too effective, as he spied her taking a teapot and trickling the warm contents over his head. Now pee does have certain tea like tannic notes, but I’m not sure that a pot of PG Tips was exactly what the submissive in question was paying for.

If tea must be involved in kinky play, this is clearly a far superior way to do it. The artwork is by the aforementioned Sardax in a piece commissioned for Mistress Diana Von Rigg.

Dumb Face

Apologies for the lack of posts recently. Life has been kind of busy. Normal service should be resuming from this point on. If not, I’ll try and find a lady like this one to incentivize me appropriately.

Not really sure where this is from or who it’s by. Obvious a pop art style, but searching for it doesn’t turn up many clues.

Update: This is by the artist Notalkingplz. You can find their work on tumblr and on instagram. Thanks to a helpful comment for attributing this.

Community Policing

I normally like to add some color commentary when linking to articles. For this post I’m not really sure I can. This Huffington Post article and this Vancouver Sun article are quite different stories but ostensibly the same issue. A member of the BDSM community is accused of abusive behavior, the community attempts some degree of self-policing, the law gets involved, and things do not go well. While the legal issues are very different, the message is the same. It discourages people from coming forward and makes challenging abuse harder.

I’m not really involved in my local BDSM community, and have no wise words to offer here. I would love to know if there are positive cases out there where people have had success in tackling allegations of abuse in the kinky scene. It would seem we’re sorely in need of good examples to highlight and point people toward.

This drawing is by Stig, an artist who specializes in judicial and corporal scenes.

The Boss

There’s something about combining smart conventional outfits and kink. It’s hot in a way I find hard to identify. Maybe it’s the contrast of the implication of strict social norms and then the trangressive element of kink. Maybe it’s a uniform thing, where the costume comes loaded with a history social rules and authority. Maybe it’s because I live on the west coast, where the typical business outfit is jeans and a polo shirt, so seeing anyone dressed in a smart suit is automatically a big improvement.

This is from a short film that Mistress Iris is shooting, with this particular image coming via a tweet by Mistress Eva. If you’re not  a member of Mistress Iris’ Patreon and like her content, then now might be a good time to subscribe. I suspect more hotness from this scene is in the pipeline.

 

Shy Puppy

The man on the end of the leash is unsurprisingly depicted as blushing in this scene. What’s slightly stranger is that, if you look closely, the artist has also given the woman holding the leash a touch of blush. That’s an unusual slant on a public humiliation scene. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a situation where both the dominant and the submissive are supposed to be embarrassed about what’s going on. Is she a switch who is pulling off both roles simultaneously? If so, that’s some inception level kink.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this artwork. There’s a hint of a signature at the bottom left, but I can’t make it out.

Cosmo Fail

Mocking Cosmo articles on sex and BDSM is a long running tradition around here. There has been the good, the bad and the highly humorous. Unfortunately, their latest example would fall under the categories of dangerous and highly irresponsible.

The article in question is ‘What you need to know about breath play in BDSM‘ and right there, that title alone is pretty problematic. The answer to that should simply be ‘More than we can possibly cover in a Cosmo article. Don’t even think about it till you’ve done some proper research.’

Unfortunately the article itself is not so succinct. It does at least start with a warning about how dangerous it can be, but that message is then rather undercut by the remaining text talking about amazing orgasms and describing how to do it. It reminds me of the South Park scene where Kenny dies of autoerotic asphyxiation.

My biggest problem with the article is that it seems to to cover the two extremes of breath play and almost entirely omits the safer and fun middle areas. It talks about voluntarily holding your breath and mindful breathing, which are fine, but probably not all that hot for most people. The rest of it talks about various ways to put hands around neck and squeeze (or not), which seems very dangerous advice. There’s a long running debate in the BDSM community around whether breath play done like that can ever be safe – with a lot of experts saying it can’t – but I’m sure 100% of the community would agree that beginners doing it based on a short Cosmos article is a terrible idea. The reader is therefore left with an unsatisfying approach and a really dangerous one.

I actually love breath play and do it a lot, but never with anything near the windpipe or arteries in my neck. A simple hand across the mouth and nose is enough to block breathing and push my buttons around being controlled, while being way less risky. Even better than a hand is an ass. Face sitting, which can be clothed or unclothed, is both fun, sexy and a good way to limit air. Even an armpit can work, although it can be tricky to get a proper seal. It seems ridiculous to me that Cosmos barely touches on these much better approaches. For more advanced scenes I’ve played with using plastic wrap and gasmasks. I don’t think either of those would be great starting point for beginners, but they’d still be better than anything involving gripping around the neck.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this particular breath play shot.