Tag: Fm

In Olden Times

Yesterday’s post reminded me of two excellent blog posts from 2019 on meeting pro-dommes in the pre-internet era. This one by the UK based Sardax (complete with some lovely illustrations) and this one from the New York of Irv O. Neil. I think both give a fascinating glimpse into what was obviously a tricky and fraught process.

My favorite tale from those days was one that I remember reading on MaxFisch years ago. I can’t find the original post, or remember who wrote it, but the details stuck in my mind. The submissive in question had set up a session via a phonebox card and ended up in a dingy London basement with a lady who didn’t in any way resemble her ad. Nevertheless, he persevered through a lackluster session, which was supposed to culminate in a golden shower. The lady had insisted on a blindfold for this, which obviously wasn’t too effective, as he spied her taking a teapot and trickling the warm contents over his head. Now pee does have certain tea like tannic notes, but I’m not sure that a pot of PG Tips was exactly what the submissive in question was paying for.

If tea must be involved in kinky play, this is clearly a far superior way to do it. The artwork is by the aforementioned Sardax in a piece commissioned for Mistress Diana Von Rigg.

Dumb Face

Apologies for the lack of posts recently. Life has been kind of busy. Normal service should be resuming from this point on. If not, I’ll try and find a lady like this one to incentivize me appropriately.

Not really sure where this is from or who it’s by. Obvious a pop art style, but searching for it doesn’t turn up many clues.

Update: This is by the artist Notalkingplz. You can find their work on tumblr and on instagram. Thanks to a helpful comment for attributing this.

Community Policing

I normally like to add some color commentary when linking to articles. For this post I’m not really sure I can. This Huffington Post article and this Vancouver Sun article are quite different stories but ostensibly the same issue. A member of the BDSM community is accused of abusive behavior, the community attempts some degree of self-policing, the law gets involved, and things do not go well. While the legal issues are very different, the message is the same. It discourages people from coming forward and makes challenging abuse harder.

I’m not really involved in my local BDSM community, and have no wise words to offer here. I would love to know if there are positive cases out there where people have had success in tackling allegations of abuse in the kinky scene. It would seem we’re sorely in need of good examples to highlight and point people toward.

This drawing is by Stig, an artist who specializes in judicial and corporal scenes.

The Boss

There’s something about combining smart conventional outfits and kink. It’s hot in a way I find hard to identify. Maybe it’s the contrast of the implication of strict social norms and then the trangressive element of kink. Maybe it’s a uniform thing, where the costume comes loaded with a history social rules and authority. Maybe it’s because I live on the west coast, where the typical business outfit is jeans and a polo shirt, so seeing anyone dressed in a smart suit is automatically a big improvement.

This is from a short film that Mistress Iris is shooting, with this particular image coming via a tweet by Mistress Eva. If you’re not  a member of Mistress Iris’ Patreon and like her content, then now might be a good time to subscribe. I suspect more hotness from this scene is in the pipeline.

 

Shy Puppy

The man on the end of the leash is unsurprisingly depicted as blushing in this scene. What’s slightly stranger is that, if you look closely, the artist has also given the woman holding the leash a touch of blush. That’s an unusual slant on a public humiliation scene. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a situation where both the dominant and the submissive are supposed to be embarrassed about what’s going on. Is she a switch who is pulling off both roles simultaneously? If so, that’s some inception level kink.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this artwork. There’s a hint of a signature at the bottom left, but I can’t make it out.

Cosmo Fail

Mocking Cosmo articles on sex and BDSM is a long running tradition around here. There has been the good, the bad and the highly humorous. Unfortunately, their latest example would fall under the categories of dangerous and highly irresponsible.

The article in question is ‘What you need to know about breath play in BDSM‘ and right there, that title alone is pretty problematic. The answer to that should simply be ‘More than we can possibly cover in a Cosmo article. Don’t even think about it till you’ve done some proper research.’

Unfortunately the article itself is not so succinct. It does at least start with a warning about how dangerous it can be, but that message is then rather undercut by the remaining text talking about amazing orgasms and describing how to do it. It reminds me of the South Park scene where Kenny dies of autoerotic asphyxiation.

My biggest problem with the article is that it seems to to cover the two extremes of breath play and almost entirely omits the safer and fun middle areas. It talks about voluntarily holding your breath and mindful breathing, which are fine, but probably not all that hot for most people. The rest of it talks about various ways to put hands around neck and squeeze (or not), which seems very dangerous advice. There’s a long running debate in the BDSM community around whether breath play done like that can ever be safe – with a lot of experts saying it can’t – but I’m sure 100% of the community would agree that beginners doing it based on a short Cosmos article is a terrible idea. The reader is therefore left with an unsatisfying approach and a really dangerous one.

I actually love breath play and do it a lot, but never with anything near the windpipe or arteries in my neck. A simple hand across the mouth and nose is enough to block breathing and push my buttons around being controlled, while being way less risky. Even better than a hand is an ass. Face sitting, which can be clothed or unclothed, is both fun, sexy and a good way to limit air. Even an armpit can work, although it can be tricky to get a proper seal. It seems ridiculous to me that Cosmos barely touches on these much better approaches. For more advanced scenes I’ve played with using plastic wrap and gasmasks. I don’t think either of those would be great starting point for beginners, but they’d still be better than anything involving gripping around the neck.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this particular breath play shot.

Giggles

I enjoyed this story about a woman who breaks into uncontrollable laughter after she orgasms. Apparently the sex with her boyfriend is so good that it tickles her in all the right places.

I can relate, as I often find after heavy kinky play my post-orgasm reaction is laughter. Partly it’s the sense of absurdity that follows from surveying the scene of kinky carnage. There’ll be ropes and straps and odd toys and spiky things and two slightly sweaty bodies relaxing in the post scene glow. It’s inherently absurd in the best possible way.

I suspect the laughter is also a natural reaction to the release of high tension. I personally don’t get that reaction with regular sex, as that’s fun but not intense for me. Add pain and control and long drawn out teasing into the mix, and suddenly the contrast in the post-orgasm come down is so much stronger. It’s the difference between gently stretching and releasing a rubber band or stretching it till it snaps.

We laugh at jokes because they play with our expectations and contrast reality with the twist the punchline delivers. The incongruity of a joke makes it funny, as does the release in tension from the initial set-up.  I find much same thing logic applies to a kinky scene.

Of course, while I may laugh at the end of a session, the domme typically gets to laugh all the way through it. This is Lady Pim, who plays out of the Ritual Chamber in Toronto. You can find her professional site here.

Valentine Splat

Call me Mr. Grouchy, but I really hate Valentine’s day. If you’re in a new relationship it’s a pain to figure out what the right thing to do is. If you’re in an established relationship then it’s a fake event designed to artificially force romance. And if you’re not in a relationship, then it does nothing but make you feel bad about that fact. It’s up there with New Year’s eve as an overly hyped event that nobody enjoys as much as they think they should. Like I said – Mr Grouchy.

This image from Bakerman at least looks like a fun way to celebrate it. I’m not into sploshing or food play, but I’d happily take a cake in the face from a kinky lady over an evening jammed shoulder to shoulder in a restaurant charging twice their usual rates.

This was originally published by Bakerman for Valentine’s day in 2017.

Playing with Mistress Lucy

Before leaving LA I was fortunate enough to spend time with Mistress Lucy Khan. We had a lengthy and very enjoyable session featuring a smorgasbord of different activities all wrapped in a fun roleplay dynamic. Some things on the menu included cupping, piercing, scentplay, breathplay, tease, denial and general sadism to my delicate bits.

I particularly enjoyed the rope spiderweb that Mistress Lucy wove around me towards the end of the session. You can see it in this photograph. It was one of those arrangements that didn’t make much sense to me as it was being constructed, as it didn’t feel like it’d hold me properly. Then Mistress Lucy pulled hard on the bottom two ropes and everything tightened and magically fell into place. I particularly liked the way she tied it off around my big toes. There’s always an interesting sense of vulnerability that comes with toe bondage, given how sensitive the soles of the feet are.

Reflecting on the session later that evening, still floating on buzz created, it struck me that one sign of a world class professional domme is the commitment and intensity she can bring to a session with someone she rarely sees. It had been around 9 months since we’d last got together, yet it didn’t feel like that. Mistress Lucy created and held a bubble that made it very easy for me to relax into subspace and exist with her in the moment.

This image is from Mistress Lucy’s twitter feed. That’s not me in the image, but we did indulge in some similar play.