Tag: Fm

Leaving Her Mark

I’ve mentioned before that if a domme knows that you’re about to jump on an airplane, there’s a near certainty of a cane being produced. Imagining a submissive forced to sit for hours on a sore bottom is just one of those things that seems to amuse the vast majority of dommes. There’s another common impulse related to travelling that tends to kick in before a trip. Namely, if it’s discovered you’ll be seeing a different domme (or two) in a few  days time, they somtimes like to send a ‘message’ via your body.

I should be clear that this normally isn’t a literal message. Nobody is pulling out a sharpie or tattoo needle in order to turn me into a large and slow moving greeted card. It’s typically just a desire to leave some interesting marks for me to explain. Or maybe an obvious tender spot for the next domme to exploit with a smile. That’s the typical dynamic anyway. Ms. Savannah Sly, diabolically creative as she is, likes to do things a little differently.

I’d mentioned I had travel plans coming up, so she got busy with her cupping set. I’ve done cupping a few times before (e..g here and here), but never quite like this. Savannah used the cups like marker pens, repeatedly dragging them across my skin to ‘write’ with stretched lines of bruises. It was fairly painful as they moved. It was considerably more painful to get them moving. That initial pressure to break the local skin attachment while keeping the seal in place was a real attention grabber. You can see the end result in this image of me lying down and this one shot of me standing at the end of the session. I guess I can consider myself lucky she stopped at writing ‘Sly’ and didn’t decide to do a full ‘Savannah Sly was here.’

Personally I find mixing the intimacy of being decorated with the objectification of being a canvas and the pain of the application makes for an amazing session dynamic. Since we played I’ve found myself putting my hand to my chest and smiling to myself. It’s a lovely hidden memento I’ll be carrying with me for a week or more now.

While the cupping was the finale to the session, we also managed to squeeze in a lot of other good stuff before then – spanking, caning, whipping, flogging, strap-on, breath play and ear torture. That last one being surprisingly vicious. It was a fabulous session, and one that I’ll remember for a long time to come.

This was shot by Savannah during our session. I was somewhat distracted at the time, busy being very happy that I couldn’t breathe. You can find more great shots like this of Savannah on her OnlyFans.

Commenting on Comments

I want to take a brief break from your regularly scheduled femdom, and comment on the comments I get here.

Firstly, I appreciate every comment that gets published. I could do without the ones asking me for a date with the women in the images, or the ones asking how they can find hot dommes in their area, but they get sent to the trash anyway. If it appears as a published comment, then I appreciate the time, effort and thought it took to write.

Secondly, I read every comment I receive. The number of people who comment is a tiny tiny fraction of my total readers. Yet, if it wasn’t for those comments, I’d probably have given up posting here by now. This site functions as an outlet for my kinky thoughts and experiences, but no matter how much I love the sound of my own voice, there’s only so long I’d continue if I felt I was shouting into a void.

Finally, I try and reply to every single comment I get, even if it’s not always the very next day. I sometimes worry that by replying a few days later, it’ll be be missed and the original comment writer will assume I ignored them. That’s almost never the case. Typically I’m busy with work stuff being teased and tortured by leather clad dommes, and just didn’t get chance to sit down and write. If a new post shows up but a comment reply doesn’t, odds are it’s because I had that post already written and queued up ready to go.

So my thanks to everyone who has already commented, or will leave a comment here in future. They are all appreciated. Just as long as you’re not asking me to find you a hot domme in your area.

Here’s a shot of a pretty typical reader of my blog in the process of posting a comment. Either that, or a random picture I found that I have zero attribution for.

Sit! Good boy.

I’m continuing my theme from yesterday with this image. I’m not sure it strictly counts as a puppy play shot, but I think there’s definitely an ‘obedient dog at my side’ vibe to it. That’s probably helped by the straps on the side of the hood, which give the suggestion of flappy dog ears.

I believe this is NYC based domme Elena De Luca. You can find her professional site here.

A Spanking for the Weekend

A short and sweet post to start the weekend. This cute artwork is by Yumine Guo and is day 3 of a #kinktober challenge. It makes me smile, as I’m never quite sure what to do with my legs in an over the knee spanking, and it looks like this young man has much the same problem. It’s really not an ideal pose for grown-ups, but the symbolism of it ensures it’s always going to be a popular one.

Learning Curve

This drawing by Arrakis made me smile, but I have to quibble about the reaction of the submissive. I don’t think anyone at the end of a beginner’s beating is going to be bored and strumming their fingers. You never know quite what you’re going to be on the receiving end of. Particularly if there is an implement involved. Only the most leather skinned submissive will be blase about that situation.

Folsom 2019

Talking of kinky events I’m sad I missed – as I just was  – it was the Folsom Fair in San Francisco this last weekend. I’m not sure if it’s the biggest kink festival in the world, but it has to be a good candidate. If you didn’t attend and are interested in getting a flavor of the event, there are articles with photographs here, here and here.

There’s a good mix of hot and fun costumes, although some made my scratch my head. This one for example is an interesting choice. He’s just pulled a t-shirt and baseball cap on, she’s made the effort to get a good military uniform look going, yet he’s the one holding her leash? Do whatever floats your boat, but that dynamic does seem somewhat back-to-front.

Falling very much into the hot category, I did love this shot posted by Domina Yuki of her and Lucy Sweetkill. Also this posed shot, featuring Mistress Blunt with Domina Yuki, is equally appealing. Finally, something both fun and hot, the featured image below comes from the threewitchesdesigns instagram.

Natsukiss at Club Pedestal

Back in July I wrote that I was sad I was going to miss Mistress Natsukiss performing at Club Pedestal in London. Having now seen the shots below, and the others in this thread, I’m cursing my poor trip timing even more. It looks like it was quite the show.

Mistress Natsukiss is performing with Aoi.  You can see more shots from the evening in the twitter feeds of Club Pedestal and Derek Schiavo. Also a shoutout to Sardax and Mistress Nana for their contributions to what looks like an amazing evening.

Another Way to Slice the Data

I had a couple of insightful comments on my last post that attributed my small number of unsatisfying session experiences to the type of dommes I play with. I think there’s a lot of truth in that. I almost exclusively play with experienced independent dommes who have taken the time to build their business and the skills that go along with that. It’s not a selection approach that guarantees session success, but it certainly helps skew the odds in the right direction.

It also struck me after writing yesterday’s post that there was another way to analyze the data: What’s my success rate when meeting a new domme? As I’ve written about before, I typically try and play with a mix of people I know and people I don’t. It’s a good way to build ongoing and deeper relationships while also learning and experiencing new dynamics. So how has that worked out for me?

I went back and dug through my emails to remind myself who I’d played with over the years. In a very rough hand wavy analysis, I’d say my meetings with dommes for the first time broke down roughly as…

  • One third being fun sessions, but a general mismatch in our styles and chemistry. I didn’t regret the session, but we probably wouldn’t meet again.
  • One third being really enjoyable sessions with a dynamic that I felt was worth exploring further. Not everything aligned perfectly, but there was enough overlap to make me want to meet again.
  • One third being amazing sessions. There was great chemistry and either our respective play styles meshed well, or my eyes were opened to a whole new approach that I loved. These are the dommes who I’ll always want to see when our paths intersect.

I should make clear that this is a very personal assessment, based around my preferences, kinks and play style. Much like in regular dating, one persons McDreamy can be someone else’s Mr. Dreary. I’m sure all the dommes in my first category have many amazing sessions with other submissives they have great chemistry with.

If you look at this data in conjunction with my previous post I think the key take away would run as follows: If you play with experienced independent pro-dommes, you’re very unlikely to have a genuinely bad session. However, you might have to try a few different sessions with a few different people before you find the right match for you. Hardly a groundbreaking insight I know, but I thought it was interesting to put some actual data behind it.

This is Domina Yuki, someone I’ve played with for years and who is very much in my third category of dommes I always want to return to. If you’re in the San Francisco area her professional site is here. For anyone further afield, you can see her OnlyFans here.

What are the Odds?

Whenever I put up a post that casts a negative light on femdom and playing with professional dommes – as I just did – I worry I’ll put off someone who is tempted to explore kink or hire a pro-domme.  So to assuage my fears and encourage anyone out there to take the plunge, I thought I’d share some personal statistics.

At this point I’ve done well over 200 professional sessions with a wide variety of different dommes. Out of all those sessions, I had…

  • One that went bad that I covered previously.
  • One that felt like a rip-off. It was in a Las Vegas hotel room and was a halfhearted unimaginative effort. I found myself in a cab on the Vegas strip – with piss still in my hair – 15 minutes before the session was even supposed to finish. The domme was relatively unknown and I wasn’t surprised to see her shutdown her site shortly afterwards.
  • One two hour session that the domme was three hours later for. The volume of coffee I drank while waiting turned out to be more tortuous than the session itself.
  • One session that was cancelled with me standing on the doorstep. The domme had forgotten she was moving house that day.

Those four events represent the total number of times I walked away significantly dissatisfied. For the other 200 or so sessions, I’ve had experiences that ranged from a fun time to the mind meltingly brilliant. That’s a way better success rate than my experiences with restaurants, movies, plays, spas, etc. I can’t guarantee you’ll always have a great kinky time if you hire a professional, but if my experiences are anything to go by, the odds are significantly in your favor.

This is a Club Pedestal event rather than a professional session, but it’s such a fun shot that I wanted to feature it. Found via this tweet and I believe that’s Ms Eva.

A Bad Session Revisted

Thimble has published a very emotive article on a Femdom experience that went badly wrong. Despite the fact that it’s very well written, I found it hard to read. The session it describes sounds like an emotional slow-motion car crash. That sense of something careering dangerously out of control, but with no idea why or how to bring it safely to a stop.

I’ve previously  written about my own experience with a bad session in a two part post here and here. That was back in 2012 and I’m happy to say I’ve had no further posts to write on the subject. I’ve had a few scenes where the chemistry wasn’t quite right, or the activities didn’t unfold as I’d hoped, but genuinely bad scenes, the kind that leave you emotionally messed up, are thankfully rare in my experience.

My bad session wasn’t in the same league as Thimble’s. Unlike his, the domme wasn’t my dream domme, we hadn’t interacted much beforehand and for the first hour or so the session was actually fine. Despite my example being very minor in comparison, I found it interesting how many parallels can still be found. In both cases the dommes seem to lack control of their own emotions, be unable to adapt when things don’t go as planned and make negative comparisons to ‘true’ lifestyle players. From the submissive side, we were both confused, off-balance and unable to adapt to the uncomfortable dynamic. Thimble kissed the domme’s foot at the end of his experience. I thanked mine for the session. And then felt angry and upset about that for days.

Looking back at my bad session, the actual issue itself seems like a minor conflict. In normal life I’d have brushed it off. You can’t get far in life without encountering a good number of angry and unreasonable people. What makes BDSM so tricky is the heady mix of adrenaline, endorphins and powerful emotions it creates. After all, that’s one of the primary reasons people do it. Yet that also means when it turns sour, it can mess you up in weird ways for days. Kinksters are typically well aware of RACK and SSC when it comes to the physical side of play, but rarely talk about what happens when the dynamic goes wrong. So while I feel bad for Thimble, I am glad he shared his experience and cast light on this topic.

I wanted to avoid using a photograph of a practicing domme for this post, just in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought it was about them. This artwork by NK of an angry looking lady seems appropriate enough.