Tag: Fm

Kinky Equivalent of 69

Here’s a cute image of shared mutual pleasure. She gets a comfy spot to dominate him and drink her tea. He gets to make her happy and enjoy her feet smooshed in his face.

I’m not into feet as a kink, but this is an image that still appeals to me. Their contrasting facial expression with the shared connection via the cup and saucer really make it work.

The artist is signed as Suzy. I think that’s Suzy Q who has this instagram and is Lady Suzy Q, a specialist in foot fetish sessions (twitter site here). However, given I’m working via translation tools, it’s hard to be 100% sure. Image originally sourced from this tweet.

Use Your Words

Cosmo has an article out on picking and using a safeword. I’m going to go ahead and say that if you need help to pick a safeword, then BDSM probably isn’t for you. It’s only going to get a lot more complicated from that point onward. Maybe start with a good therapist to address your chronic indecisiveness and/or lack of imagination before getting the rope and whips out.

I also think it’s strange how all these articles assume beginners are starting off with heavy consensual non-consent scenes or  elaborate roleplay scenarios.

The minute you’re starting to feel uncomfy is the exact moment when you should go ahead and holler whatever safe word you and your partner chose to go with.

Obviously you could do that, but how about using your words? I’ve done hundreds of scenes, some of them pretty intense, and I don’t think I’ve used a safeword a single time. That has never stopped me communicating a wide variety of issues. In fact I think it’s quicker to say something like “I’m feeling faint” than it would be yell a safeword and then explain what’s going on.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t have a safeword. It’s good to have a single unambiguous stop button that brings everything immediate to a halt. But that’s not necessary for most scenes and most problems. Common issues that make people uncomfortable are pinching bondage, awkward positions, tingly fingers, anxiety, a bad fantasy headspace or just too much intensity in the sensations. It’s a lot easier to adjust for these as the scene progresses by communicating as you go rather than by simply stopping everything. Plus, it saves your safeword for those times when something is seriously awry and you want that to be communicated entirely unambiguously.

Let’s hope that these two negotiated a non-verbal safeword before starting this scene. He’s not going to be able to yell ‘Rumpelstiltskin’ with that funnel in place.

Artwork is of course by the famous Jim.

Self-Improvement

I’m starting on my New Year’s resolutions early this year by ordering myself a tight neoprene hood from Mr S Leather. Admittedly, buying fetish gear sounds more like kinky fun times than self-improvement, but there is method to my madness.

Regular blog readers may be aware that I have an issue with hoods. They stress me the hell out. A fact which I find annoying. Anytime I don’t like something it annoys me. I feel like I’m missing out. Hoods tend to be a big part of heavy bondage and I’d love to be able to incorporate them into my scenes. I totally understand both their aesthetic and sensory value, but so far that knowledge hasn’t helped when it comes to my stress levels.

My brilliant plan for 2020 is therefore to buy one for home and wear it in non-stressful situations. Like while washing up or doing food preparation. If I can train my brain to realize that wearing a hood doesn’t equal instant death by suffocation, then perhaps I can start to use them in scenes. I know of at least a couple of dommes who’d love to get me into their hood collection. In the meantime, if any of my Seattle readers spot a strange hooded man through the windows of a condo building, then rest easy. It’s just your friendly neighborhood femdom blogger trying to improve his kinky life skills. I shall keep you all up to date on how my experiment goes.

This is exactly the kind of fun hood I hope to condition myself to handle. Sadly I don’t have an attribution for it. As ever, if you know the source for this image, then please leave me a comment.

Adjusting His Level

Here’s a somewhat unusual way to do foot worship. I can’t tell if it’s clever or really lazy. I think I’m going to work on the assumption that it’s a hello or goodbye moment, and so he’s paused briefly on the stairs to mark that. Not that he’s been standing halfway up his staircase for the last 20 minutes because he can’t be bothered to kneel down. I certainly can’t imagine that the white wood railing is doing much to improve the kinky mood.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.

The Joy of Slaves

Dommes have it easy. For most people getting a clean glass is a major challenge involving dishwashers. Not so for your average domme. She just has to pull on some tight, impractical and possibly chilly fetish wear. Then she whistles up her nearest naked slave and stands over him during the cleaning process to ensure he does it properly. A well practiced disdainful look can be helpful at this stage. Possibly he might screw-up on purpose to get a beating. Possibly he might decide halfway through that this isn’t his kind of scene and he wants to re-negotiate it. But, those pitfalls safely dodged, in just a few short hours she’ll have a clean glass. She is then just two slaves and one whipping away from getting that glass of Chardonnay she’s after.

This vintage image come courtesy of a tweet by mrunderheel.

Most Overrated Pose

This post was originally going to feature the most overrated item in the BDSM toolbox. After the last couple of posts on underrated equipment, I thought that might be a fun way to finish this series. Unfortunately, after pondering the idea, I’m not sure there are any good candidates for that category. Everything commonly used has its fans. I’m personally not a fan of blindfolds, but I know that a lot of other kinksters love them. Figging would be another personal choice for overrated activities, but I’m not sure something so niche could ever be described as overrated.

Instead let me go with the most overrated BDSM pose, as exemplified by the image below. This kind of shot crops up in fashion shoots all the time. It’s a strong visual and one photographers always reach for when wanting to portray a femdom dynamic. Yet in my opinion, it doesn’t work well in real play. There’s no sense of connection between the domme/sub and, if you want to do objectification, then a footstool or table position is much easier to maintain for a longer period. It’s a pose that’s great for a camera but not much else.

This is the model  Lydia Possner as shot by Markus Brink. More images from the same shoot in this post.

Most Underrated Implement

Yesterday’s post featured floggers, an implement with a high utility in play but comparatively limited representation in BDSM imagery. As soon as I published the post it occurred to me that there was another implement that had a much stronger claim to the most skewed misrepresentation. That would be the humble clothespin. Relatively rare in BDSM porn. A staple of kinky play.

The beauty of clothespins is their versatility. You can attach them to any part of the body. Grab a thin slice of tight skin and they can be very intense. Pick a generous fleshy part and they’re a mild buzz. You can twist them, rub against them and yank them off. Tie them together and you’ve got a zipper. Shave their ends down and you’ve got a much tighter and more focused pinch. Small ones feel different to the big ones, and plastic ones different to the wooden ones. Most fun of all – once you pull them off then rubbing the pinched spot is a whole different sensation. In terms of cost versus benefit, there’s no question that the simple clothespin is the kinky bargain to beat all others.

This image – featuring a simple clothespin zipper – is from the Kink VR site. 

Flogging Fun

It’s a shame flogging doesn’t get more love when it comes to corporal play. Whips have more drama. Canes more visual appeal. Spanking pushes more psychological buttons. Yet in terms of factors like the intensity of sensation delivered, control over the escalation of intensity, the overall skill required and the margins for error, flogging is arguably the best bang for buck in corporal play.

I’d also say that out of all the corporal toys,floggers have the greatest variety in the type of sensations it can create. They can be light or heavy, thuddy or stingy, blunt or sharp. Some can feel like a great massage and others like you were lashed with razors. Whatever the masochistic mood, there’s probably a flogger that’ll suit it.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this image.