Tag: Fm

More communication is never a bad thing

This Frisky interview with Joanna Angel annoyed me. Her stated goal of creating toys more appealing to kinky dabblers is a good one. But then we get to her advice for beginners, which contains the following…

Some people make it out like you really need to plan this shit out and really discuss it, like, I don’t know, do you really need a safe word with your partner? It seems like everything has to be so formal.

To which I’d say “Yes Joanna. If you’re going to bind, gag and beat someone, which is what your toys are designed for, you’d better fucking discuss it first. And when you’re just beginning to explore kink, that’s absolutely the time you need a safeword.”

Ironically, given her claim, I rarely feel the need to agree a safeword when playing with professionals. They know how to read me and can tell the different between “No (but do it some more)” and “No (my back is playing up and I’m reaching my limit).” Playing with a novice, who might be unsure exactly how hard she can push, and doesn’t have the technique to smoothly escalate intensity, is exactly the time you need a clear communication channel. It’s reassuring to both parties if there’s a magic emergency button always available to push.

This rather beautiful image comes from a tweet by mrunderheel. Despite his gag, they look like they’re in a happy space for communication. I love her smile and the marks on his body. Sadly I don’t have an original attribution for it. Amusingly, when I do a reverse image search on Google, the only thing it suggests is that a related search term is ‘fun’ and then it gives me the Merriam-Webster definition for ‘fun’. It’s both very wrong and very right all at the same time.

Treasure of a Different Kind

I’ve written in the past about the correlation between pro-domme tribute rates and session quality (i.e. there isn’t any). Mistress Servalan has an interesting take on the same topic in this series of tweets. She notes that she keeps her rates at the lower end of the average because…

1 – I genuinely love to play & love longer sessions. I would rather be in the dungeon than pretty much anything.
2 – I like to play with all different types of people. Some of my favourite subs scrimp and save for their sessions, some don’t have to….
Which leads to….
3 – Many of my play partners view my offical tribute as a starting point. If they are able to contribute more they do.

I think that’s a wonderful and very generous approach approach to take. It reminds me a little of the famous slogan from Marx – “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” Although arguably the same view also traces back to the New Testament.

I did some basic currency conversion math on Mistress Servalan’s tribute rate. For a 3 hour session, her $700 Australian translates into around $500 US. Which is insanely great value for such a talented domme. I’ve played with a lot of US based dommes whose hourly rate alone is around that number. If you are lucky enough to play with Mistress Servalan, and you’re not scrimping and saving, then I really hope you’re tipping way over the odds. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go look up the cost of Seattle to Sydney flights.

This is from Mistress Servalan’s twitter feed, and features her lovely metal headcage created by Fetters. Oddly enough, they’re based just a few miles from where I grew up in England. So I’m sitting in Seattle, writing about a pro-domme in Sydney, featuring a company based in my childhood home of Warwickshire. Small world.

A Good Breakfast

This is by the Chinese artist Pixy Liao and it’s entitled ‘Start Your Day With a Good Breakfast Together’. According to this Guardian article it was inspired by the trend of eating Sushi of a naked woman’s body (Nyotaimori). The naked man is the artist’s boyfriend and artistic partner ‘Moro’.  Apparently he doesn’t like this shot because his hair looks messy. He should probably be grateful it was a healthy papaya breakfast rather than a ‘full english‘. Sizzling bacon and fried eggs would have made messy hair the least of his problems.

You can see more of Pixy Liao’s work on her instagram.

Sock Stud

Either this guy is the worst poker player in the world, or he is really trying to lose. He’s down to his sock suspenders, and she hasn’t even lost her bow-tie yet. The fact she has a full hand of cards while he appears to be playing with just a single ace might be part of the problem. Even in a lowball game, ace high doesn’t work all that well.

Can I also point out that his splayed pose, with that naked ass, is not going to be a good scene for that cushion. Put a towel down dude.

I think this is from a fashion shoot and features the male model Hao-Yun-Xiang. Unfortunately, I’ve not managed to figure out the original photographer or fashion brand, although I’d guess it might a sock related one?

Taking a firm grip

I don’t think this rather sexy image needs any additional commentary from me. Which is probably fortunate, as it’s some ungodly early hour in the morning and I really should go to bed. Apparently in any one evening I can either cook a fancy meal or write a decent length blog post, but not both.

This is by Lilith Darkmoon, a pro-domme based out of the Netherlands.

Baton’s Bastinado on a Submissive’s Secured Soles

Bastinado is one of those things that doesn’t seem to scary until you try it, at which point it rapidly shifts into the horribly fucked up and disturbing category. It’s pretty much the opposite of something like sounding. That looks scary, but when you eventually do find someone to stick a metal rod down your urethra, it’s actually fine. Almost pleasant even. That’s definitely not the case with foot punishment.

Beatings on the ass or thighs can be very painful, but there’s something simple about them. Lots of muscle, thick bones and layers of fat. In contrast the foot has 26 small bones and 33 joints all packed into a relatively small space. That creates a complex series of nerve ending packed surfaces, where the sensations can vary dramatically from blow to blow. Whenever my feet are beaten I always have the vision of little bones cracking and breaking, which frankly freaks me out. Of course the human body is a lot tougher than it looks, and no sane scene will ever get anywhere that kind of point. Feet can absorb a lot of punishment. Unfortunately my imagination refuses to believe that. Stupid imagination .

This image features Mistress Baton and was taken from this tweet. The little bit of tape fixing his big toes together is a particularly devilish touch. If you’d like to enjoy a beating from Mistress Baton in person, then her tour schedule is here.

BED

Gloria Brame has put together a new directory site for listing BDSM educators and groups – BED (Brame’s Educators Directory). It provides not only contact details but also things like professional qualifications, past presentations, community memberships, etc. This strikes me as a fine idea, not only for people within the community, but also for people outside it looking for useful contact points.

The site also has some fascinating historical illustrations and photographs. I particularly liked the advertisement below from the section of circa 70’s and 80’s pro-dommes. The text on the left captures – in just a few lines – how much the world has changed. These days submissives starts complaining if a domme doesn’t answer their email in a day or two. In this case Domina Verushka required you to send her a letter, together with stamped and self addressed envelope for any reply. A tape of her voice is available for $12 – which is around $28 in today’s money. Allow 8 weeks for delivery. Makes spending a few bucks for the instant delivery of a video from a modern clip site seem like something of bargain.

Based on this website I believe that Mistress Verushka is actually still offering professional domination sessions. Which I think is awesome. These days she’s in NYC (Queens) and contactable via email. No eight week wait required.

Updated: My apologies to Mistress Verushka Mandrake. As she makes clear in this comment, she’s not the same as the San Francisco based Mistress Verushka from this ad. Should you be in the NYC area and wish to session with her, then I did at least get the link to her contact information correct.

Everyone’s Against Me

My weekend adventures in San Francisco have left me feeling a little tense. Nothing too excessive. Just the kind of mild tension where you bite a chunk out of your laptop and then start mindlessly humping the leg of the desk it’s sitting on.

I wrote a couple of days ago about my initial SF session with Mistress Iris. That left me, to phrase it delicately, somewhat on edge. My second session for the trip was with Domina Yuki. We’ve played together a lot in the past, and those sessions tended to skew towards traditional masochist play. This one did feature some CBT, electricity and a beautiful leather straitjacket, but was much heavier on tease and denial, with a particular emphasis on the denial. It’s one thing to be close to someone as desirable as Domina Yuki. It’s quite another to have her tease you about how frustrating that must be and yet deny any relief.

I don’t really cry in sessions. My standard response to pain is to yell or scream. Yet this session actually had me sobbing in frustration. Yuki even commented that I was pulling expressions she’d never seen from me before. I left the play space on a high of denial, with my whole body vibrating like a tuning fork.

Of course, the universe then chose to mess with me just a little more. Crossing Union square much later that night, a rather attractive young lady propositioned me with the idea that we might enjoy a mutually satisfying business arrangement back in my hotel room. That’s not normally my kind of scene, but just for a second or two some frustrated lizard brain cells were leaping up and down shouting “Do it! Do It!” Back at the hotel, having wrestled my id into submission and regretfully declined the ladies offer, the couple in the room next door then decided it was the perfect night for a marathon sex and spanking session. I was stuck there, horny beyond all measure, on a strict Scout’s honor of no touching, and all I can hear is endless slaps, grunts and cries of ecstasy.  I probably should have put headphones on to drown them out but, like a rubbernecker at a road accident, I couldn’t drag myself away. I might not have had any orgasms recently, but the couple in room 541 certainly made up the averages for me.

This was a shot from our scene, with me leaning over a spanking bench and Domina Yuki on top. There’s a similar shot from the same angle that better shows off Yuki’s beautiful boots here. There was also a very hot short movie, but sadly I don’t have the bandwidth to host it here. If  you can’t manage an in person session, but would like to see more of Domina Yuki and her scenes, then I’d suggest checking out her OnlyFans site. She posts a lot of great content to it.

A Small Dose of Sanity

I spend a lot of time on this blog writing about censorship and stupid regressive laws against sex and sexual expression. It therefore makes me happy to share a rare instance of legal common sense. Amazingly, it’s from the UK, where the obscenity laws have been revised to allow depictions of BDSM, watersports, fisting, face sitting, etc. 

In recent years the UK has been leading the way in the crusade against pornography, so it’s heartening to see some small amount of sanity return. Credit to Myles Jackman and Pandora Blake for all their work and activism in this area.

In the circumstances, it seems only fitting to feature an image from Pandora’s own Dreams Of Spanking site. This is from a scene call The Training of Tai Crimson.

The Importance of Hydration

This tweet from Victoria Rage made me smile…

Every Domme about to attempt a golden scene has a secret stash of multiple beverages hidden away to better the odds of making things happen. Look hard enough and you can almost always tell what’s in store.

That’s very true. Whenever I spot a domme regularly swigging liquids during a scene, I have a pretty good idea of what’s to come. However, sometimes it turns out the domme was just feeling dehydrated, and then it’s a little disconcerting.

We’ll get to the end of the session and she’ll be  – “Well that was fun. Take care. See you next time!” And  I’ll smile, hug and wave goodbye, but internally I’ll be thinking – “Huh? What’s going on with all that liquid? Don’t tell me it’s simply going to be flushed down the toilet! What a waste.”

I’m not sure of the original source for this artwork, but I do like the caption. ‘Ah!’ indeed. But is that his satisfied exclamation or hers?