Tag: Fm

Checklists

Writing yesterday’s post about bucket lists reminded me of another type of list – the BDSM checklist. If you’re not familiar with the concept it’s basically a quick and easy way to build a list of activities that you’re interested in exploring or absolutely want to avoid. Typically they’re used as an aid to negotiating a scene, but I also like them to give me new ideas or reminders of things I haven’t tried for a while.

Back in the day – when kinksters had to get up half an hour before they went to bed and pay mill owner for privilege to come to work – you’d actually print out a list and mark off interests. These days you can build and share a profile online, no dead trees or leaky pens needed. For example, somebody recently sent me a link to the Kinkomatic site, which seems to have a pretty comprehensive list of activities, as well as a fairly slick interface for creating, sharing and finding lists. You can read more about it via their FAQ. Alternatively, if you’d rather go with an old school approach, there are plenty of  basic activities lists online you can search for (e.g. this one has 256 entries).

Talking of old school – this magazine cover would certainly qualify. Presumably this gentleman ticked 36 (chains), 40 (choking) and 134 (leather clothing) from this list. However, I don’t see any options for ‘wearing hideous y-fronts’ or ‘roleplaying being a really bad actor’.  No matter how long the list, it seems there are always a few popular kinks that get left off.

Bucket Lists

I’m not sure if I should be entertained or depressed by this article on ‘Sexual Bucket Lists’. On the one hand, it makes me feel like a crazed hedonist pushing the boundaries of sexual depravity. Which, given that I’m perceived by my friends as a quiet introvert who doesn’t date much, makes me smile. On the other hand, unless they were surveying a bunch of nuns, I feel bad for the people the lists were based on.

Using a sex toy and and using flavored lubricant both feature as bucket list items for women. How can a fantasy that is literally an Amazon one-click away, be a bucket list worthy item? Expedite the shipping and you can nail 20% of your fantasy list before the weekend. And after you’ve used your phone to place that order, call your partner up and tick off the phone sex fantasy at the same time. Do it in the bath and you’ve nailed 40% of the list without leaving your house.

In fairness, at least the women’s list contains bondage and blindfolds, which is a little more risque. The #1 item on the men’s list is car sex. How is that still a thing? I can just picture the scene – “Hey honey, you know what’d be great? Let’s leave this comfy bed and go get it on in the back of the minivan! It’ll be cold, uncomfortable and full of rubbish from the kids – just the way we like it.” Plus, who doesn’t own or have some sort of access to a car? I get how arranging a threesome can present a logistical challenge, but how hard is it to call Hertz?

I should at least give credit to the men who listed anal sex as their #3 thing to do before they die. There’s still a lot of mainstream stigma around the idea of male anal pleasure, so it’s cheering to know there are plenty of men out there who are up for a good hard pegging.

I’m afraid I’ve no idea who the artist for this is. As always, if you can help me attribute, feel free to leave a comment.

It’s all in the Mind

The NYT has a short but informative article  on the complex relationship between brain and body when it comes to pain. It’s tempting to think of the body as the source of all physical pain and the brain simply reporting on the signals it receives but, as the article explains, it’s a lot more complicated than that. As every masochist already knows, and doctors are learning, pain is contextual, and the reprocessing that happens in the brain can make a big difference to the perception of the sensation.

I also found it interesting that the article draws a connection with itching. Ever since I got involved in kink, I’ve been fascinated by how that phenomena can be modified by my situation. In normal circumstances I find it almost impossible to not scratch a bad itch. The more I resist doing so, the greater the intensity and the compulsion to resolve it. I can’t think of anything else. Yet once in bondage, itches fade away. It’s almost like my brain has a switch it can flip – if I physically can’t fix the itch then no point bugging me about it. I’ve never had to stop play to get an itch scratched. But when the ropes or straps come off, any irritation immediately returns.

This lady is about to administer a two for one deal – pain and itching combined, thanks to a big bundle of stinging nettles. This is obviously originally from Femme Fatale Films.

Vintage Whipping

A final post to finish my trio of vintage images. This comes courtesy of this tweet by Pitt Prickel. It’s apparently a scene from the early 1930’s. For me it has the feel of an artists studio – as though it might be models posing for a picture or a sculpture. There’s a real sense of physicality and solidity to the scene. Almost like a statue from the classical era of Greece or Rome.

Ostra Studios

Fans of vintage erotica might want to check out the Ostra Studio site. It features the work of Jacques and Charles Biederer, two brothers from Czechoslovakia, who produced a large number of erotic and fetish photographs in Paris in the 1930’s.

There’s a tendency to think of fetish art and photography beginning in the 1950’s with the likes of John Willie, Irving Klaw, Eric Stanton, etc. The images of bondage, domination and fetish wear on the Ostra Studio site show that the Biederer brothers were in fact ahead of them by 20 years.

The Biederer brothers were killed by the Nazi’s in Auschwitz in 1942. If you want to support sharing their amazing photography with the world, then check out this link.

Gifts with Benefits

I’ve never been into the online panty purchasing scene. In the highly unlikely event you’ve no idea what I’m talking about, then Metro has a decent article on it here. I understand the fetish and, as I wrote yesterday, I enjoy scents as part of play. It’s just a case of YKINMKBYKIOK when it comes to UPS and plastic bags of used underwear.

However, I do appreciate items of feminine clothing being worked into an in person scene. It’s a fun dynamic, with elements of tease and denial, humiliation and intimacy all twisted together. I’ve even occasionally been gifted the odd item at the end of a scene, which is normally a nice memento, but was once the source of some embarrassment.

It was around my birthday and, as a departing gift, the domme gave me the pair of black fishnet stocking she’d been wearing during part of our play. I thanked her for the unexpected birthday present, stuffed them into the pocket of my leather jacket, and went merrily on my way. In my post scene high, I promptly forgot all about them. That is until the next night, when I’m out with friends and hunting for my wallet to pick up a bar tab. Had it been the start of the evening I might have realized what my fingers had encountered, but sadly this was not our first or even second stop. So, with a brain slightly less razor sharp than usual, and assuming my wallet might be under this random unidentified fabric in my pocket, I pulled the stockings out. It turns out to be remarkable hard for a tipsy single guy to quickly come up with a plausible excuse for why he’s carrying black fishnet stockings in his pocket.

I’m not 100% sure, but I this looks awfully like the work of Apollonia Saintclair.

Smelly

Scent and sex make a complicated combination. On one hand, everyone likes a sweetly smelling partner. Sex workers will always put good personal hygiene right up there with polite and punctual in their top requirements for clients. Anyone who has been stuck in a small space with someone with bad body odor will understand how unappealing that can be.

Yet, on the flip side, a scent can be one of the sexiest things in the world. I love to pick up different ones from my play partners. It can be feet, armpits, genitals or even ass. They’ve all got their own fun funky notes. It’s a very intimate and sensual thing.

With looks, or sounds or touch it’s normally easy to say why something appeals or not. I like long hair, I love it when you call me a ‘good boy’, I prefer thuddy to stingy impacts, etc.  When it comes to scents we’ve really got nothing. It’s either hot or it’s not, and I’ve no idea what makes the difference between those two cases.

I think this is a great image with a lovely dynamic. Sadly I don’t know the artist. If anyone can help me attribute it correctly then please leave me a suitable comment.

Captive

Something simple and sexy to start the week. Sadly I’ve no idea who the artist is or where this is from. I get a bit of a deep South jail vibe from it. Maybe a no good country boy bootlegger with the Sheriff’s daughter? She plays the innocent, but has a devilish streak a mile wide.

Pascal Campion

I think you’re supposed to get more cynical as you get older. The optimism of youth fades into a jaded middle age, which it turns morphs into grouchy old age. Then death.

Oddly I seem to be going in the opposite direction. I’m way more sentimental than I was a decade or more ago. Presumably by the time I reach retirement, I’ll just be a mushy puddle. I think I’ll be OK with that.

The prompt for all this introspection is the art of Pascal Campion, as featured below. You can see more of it on his instagram and this gallery. There’s not really any femdom involved, but this particular image might give those that way inclined some warm fuzzy feelings. I’ve zero desire to have children, but if anyone wanted to pitch the concept to me, Pascal’s work would be a good place to start.

Failing to Read the Room

Like most bloggers I get my fair share of emails pitching advertising, paid content and guest posts. Normally I junk them as fast as they arrive, but one caught my eye today. Its opening paragraph, designed to prevent me applying my usual whack-a-mole approach, ran as follows:

….before you decide to stop reading, let me assure you that we don’t dabble in pornographic content of any kind, and therefore won’t make any indecent proposals.

Wow. Did they misread the room. I guess it worked, because I did keep reading to find out who’d be stupid enough to send a sexual explicit blog that kind of opening. They even ended up with their own post, albeit without any kind of link or name. Personally I’d love to get a few indecent proposals. I think my life has been sadly lacking in them.

In honor of my new puritanical email friends, I’ll close with an entirely non-pornographic image. This is a simple head shot, with no naughty naked bodies in view. Just a very nice lady whispering sweet nothings into her beau’s ear. Nothing indecent about that.

This is of course from the Divine Bitches site.