Tag: Fmm

Popping My Cherries

Writing about my decade in kink got me thinking about my kinky firsts over that time. Given I started out as a total kink virgin there have been quite a few. What surprises me in retrospect is how few cherries I actual remember being popped. I don’t remember who gave me my first golden shower or when I received my first pegging. I do remember my first caning – because it was session #1 – but I don’t remember my first paddling, whipping or flogging. I’m going to hope that this is due to the varied kinky life I’ve subsequently led, rather than old age or alcohol induced amnesia creeping up on me. Some new experiences have stayed with me however.

The first piercing. I almost fainted. A short lie down and drink of water was required to recover. Fortunately we persevered and it became one of my favorite activities.

First time in a cage. Made me so relaxed I almost fell asleep. All the reassurance and comfort some people find in bondage, without the discomfort that often comes with lengthy bondage scenes.

My first rope suspension. I had a vision of it being the erotic pleasure of bondage crossed with the fun of a child’s swing. In reality it was more like construction work crossed with roleplaying a side of beef. Rope suspension is tricky, particularly when you’re a somewhat out of shape middle age guy and not a lithe, young and light bondage model.

My first session injury. A chemical scene in 2011 where I triggered back issues that plague me to this day. Admittedly, I’m sure the source of the issues was decades of bad posture hunched over keyboards. The muscle clenching in the session just happened to be the straw that broke paltego’s back.

The first time a domme pulled out a gasmask for me.  My initial thought was – ‘Wow. I’m going to look like a seriously kinky freak. This is some top level pervert stuff we’re into here.’

First time I kissed a domme in a session. A very rare event but it has happened once or twice. Okay. Once. The domme had brought a fancy electrical accessory that made her whole body charged and capable of shocking me. We were having a lot of fun with it and she wanted to see what it’d be like if we kissed and touched tongues. I think I was more nervous doing that than I was when she was sticking needles into my dick.

I’ll finish with an image of a cherry I’ve yet to pop. ‘Forced Bi’ joins cuckolding and cross dressing as activities that have yet to make it into my sessions. I guess you always want to save something for the second decade.

The artwork is by the always amazing Sardax.

An Expensive Affair

I’m theoretically a fan of the consensual cuckold dynamic. I say theoretically because I’ve never actually tried it, but the tease+denial aspects of it definitely push my kinky buttons.

Non-consensual cuckolding is obviously a different story and a real asshole move. According to this article, it also carries the risk of being an incredibly expensive move. At least in certain US States – North Carolina, Mississippi, South Dakota, Utah, New Mexico and Hawaii – where you can sue for alienation of affection. The example in the article features someone ending up liable for $750,000 for an affair. That makes a no-strings attached webcam session or NifeFlirt scene seem like a real bargain. Incredibly you don’t even have to live in these States to get caught out. Just online flirting with someone who lives there could make you liable.

The laws are obviously incredibly anachronistic and should be removed, but they do at least highlight the importance of consent. Don’t cuckold someone unless they’re really into it.

If cuckold porn scenes are to be believed, almost every cuckold knows what is going on. He’s normally in the room while it’s happening, providing a helpful tongue or looking comically dismayed.

The Wrong Kind of Frustration

It’s hard to find good cuckolding imagery. Which is a shame, as I think its mix of tease, denial and humiliation can be a hot dynamic. I’ve written before about unintentionally funny cuckold expressions in porn. The other issue is of course the frequent combination of race play with cuckolding. That always kills a scene for me.

The discussion around cuckolding is often very strange. The frequent racial elements are problematic for people, yet the fundamental dynamic itself is clearly not a racial one. It’s a basic kink that’s been infused (or perverted) by American cultural issues with race. You’d therefore think that there’d be discussion around how best to untangle it from that mess. Or at least an effort to critique it in a selective way. Yet more often people will insist the two are irrevocably tied together, muddying the conversation and creating more problems.

This silly Daily Dot article is a good case in point. It was triggered by a now infamous Oh Joy Sex Toy cartoon on cuckolding that took a lot of online flack when it was released. The cartoon definitely has problems, but I think its fundamental premise is sound. Three people can enjoy a cuckolding dynamic. Full stop. If the cartoon was addressing the history of cuckolding, or the cuckolding genre in porn, or the genesis of the political ‘cuck’ insult, then yes, exploring the racial element would be important. But that’s clearly not its purpose.

Given cuckolding as a kink clearly isn’t going to go away, shouldn’t we promote a point of view that tries to distinguish between the problematic and non-problematic parts? How does tangling it altogether, as the Daily Dot article does, help the discussion?

Down and Dirty with Big Data

I found this article on pornography producers and their use of data mining interesting. I particularly liked the similarity it surfaces between popular science reporting and porn trends reporting. In both cases the media uses a few random and limited data points to spin a click grabbing headline. So on one hand we get that dark chocolate makes you smarter and on the other  we find that millennials don’t like boobs.

It also illustrates the degree to which porn is being targeted to the niches where customers are willing to pay. Although it seems to miss a pretty big part of that story. It talks about the major producers and the amateur community, but skips over the clips sites like KinkBomb,  Clips4Sale and iwantclips. The producers of that content might not be running data mining jobs on their sales data in the cloud, but it is typically very highly targeted niche material created by professionals based on customer feedback and requests.

Perhaps the most interesting question here is the one that’s almost impossible to answer: Does porn simply reveal existing kinks or create new ones? Is it leading or following? The article mentions incest as a topic that has been a big growth area. I’d also say cuckold porn is another one that seems to have gone from almost nothing to a major sub-genre in just a few years. But is this growth simply the result of a more efficient and anonymous market place? Is the number of potential cuckold fans a constant and they were just badly served before? Or is there a feedback effect, created from the prevalence of sexual imagery and more complex sexual dynamics that create more wannabe cuckolds? It’ll take more than a pornhub analyst and a database of page views  to answer those questions.

Of course I couldn’t possible mention cuckolding porn and not post some shots from it featuring odd facial expressions. They’re a staple of the genre. This is from the Submissive Cuckolds site.

Dick Dilemma

I always enjoy discovering something that is simultaneously entirely new to me and, at the same time, completely obvious in hindsight. That sense of being surprised and then cynically not surprised at all is somehow very satisfying. My latest example of this in action is a tweet by Bastienne Cross, quoted below.

Forced Bi Fans: SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF WITH YOUR DICK PICKINESS. Either be willing to pay more for me to hire a professional for you or SUCK WHATEVER FUCKING DICK I PUT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOUTH.

You’d think that the point of a ‘forced bi’ scene would be to deal with an unwanted dick situation, but of course fantasy and reality have a way of diverging in unexpected ways. While I sympathize with Mistress Cross, I do think there’s a lot of comedy potential in the scenario. I picture the submissive going from “Oh no, please don’t make me Mistress. That’s so dirty” into “Oh no…jeez, what the fuck is that? Wow. Like seriously. You think I’m sticking that in my mouth?”

As is often the case – when you want reality to match your fantasy, hire a professional to make it happen. Good looking cocks don’t often show up for free.

I’m afraid I don’t know where this image originates from. However, I would say it’s a fair bet that most of Bastienne Cross’ force-bi fans would not complain if this particular dick was presented to them.

Books, Ropes and Kisses

I’m not exactly sure what’s going on in this image, but I do know that it’s sexy as hell. Possibly a shot from a new kinky version of Cluedo? This’d be Mistress Green, in the library with the rope.

I suspect its from Dudes in Distress, a tumblr filled with plenty of hot bound dudes, but if it is, I haven’t managed to track down the original posting.

Differences in Perception

Mark left a thoughtful comment on my last post, emphasizing the difference between professional and lifestyle D/s relationships. The original post was about the focus on man’s pleasure and the male context as the default one at the expense of the female one. His point was that while that’s true for the professional context, it’s not necessarily true for the lifestyle one, where the negotiation, dynamics and goals can be very different. Oddly enough, I actually think we’re both right.

His point about the difference between lifestyle and professional interaction is undoubtedly true, but the latter part of my post was more about the common representation and perception of femdom. And I think it’s pretty clear that the professionals dominate (*ahem*) that sphere. They are who journalists turn to when they want a quote, an interview or a sex advice column on kink. They’re the obvious inspiration for high end fashion shots and for instagram celebrities looking to shock. They’re commercially incentivized to produce glossy appealing imagery, which gets posted all over twitter and websites like this one.

Any regular readers will know that I huge respect and appreciation for pro-dommes – they’ve literally changed my life. But I can’t pretend that they don’t have significant distorting effect on how society perceives femdom and male submission. Good non-professional representations of femdom are rare and hard to find. Certainly not something the average person will regularly encounter.

This is from a series called ‘Strong Women’ by the photographer Marco Tanaglia (found here). I think it’s a good example of my point, as it’s pretty clear what type of strong woman has influenced this image.

Ecosexual

After years spent in some of the stranger parts of the internet, I thought I knew pretty much all the sexual and kinky inclinations that were out there. This Broadly article on ecosexuality showed me how wrong I was, as it’s a kink I’d never previously encountered.

If I’m doing a BDSM scene in the ecofetishist or Sacred Sadism style, I’ll be the master gardener, and the slave may be the sapling. This configuration switches up the entire dynamic of what the BDSM scene looks like: I plant my sapling in the soil, take care of it, tend it, prune it, and tie it to a stake if it needs to stay up, or whatever.
– Genevieve Belleveau

While I’m all for respecting consent and doing effective scene negotiation, the authors concern for consensual interaction with a tree seems a little silly. There are many good reasons to take care of and respect trees in general, but unless there’s a Dryad around, I’m pretty certain negotiating consent isn’t possible.

Despite growing up in the English countryside, I’m an urban creature at heart, so I can’t say it appeals to me. Although I did have a domme use stinging nettles on my nipples and cock a few weeks back. That felt like a fine use of nature’s bounty.

In the femdom realm, I’d guess Poison Ivy would represent the definitive ecosexual domme. This artwork of her capturing both Batman and Superman is by artist taguiar.

Two Pets

Here’s an image for anyone who prefers their femdom with a dose of sci-fi, fetish and dehumanization. As is often the case, clothing designers of the future will clearly favor hotness and style over practicality and warmth. That’s a trade-off I’m personally OK with, assuming everyone looks as good as this.

This is by the artist HamletMachine, creator of the comic Starfighter. A lot of her work seems to skew towards more yaoi style man on man action than femdom. If that sounds like your kind of thing, you can read about the comic here, buy prints here and there’s an interview with her here.

Pie

Apparently it was Pi day last week. I’m slightly baffled as to why a mathematical constant gets its own day, but there we are. Can we look forward to the Euler number festival and the feast of the Lapace limit? Meanwhile, in Indiana, they presumably celebrate it on an entirely different day.

It’s tough to find a suitable image to connect femdom with Ï€. Stern yet attractive ‘teachers’ brandishing a pointer in front of a bunch of blackboard equations don’t count. However, it’s a lot easier to connect pie with femdom. That’s a particular specialty of the artist Bakerman.