Gag – Page 7 – Femdom Resource

Crossover

I believe the two images below are from a regular porn film, without a specific femdom slant. I found them via The New Superior Sex tumblr, and reverse image searching led me to this movie (warning youporn link that plays video with annoying music). I can’t say I’m a fan of the other tropes displayed on the youporn page (teen, thin, cutie, etc.) but I do like that it’s normalizing kinky play across regular porn. Blindfolds and bondage can be fun. It doesn’t have to be crazy cattleprods and whips on one side and random orifice stuffing on the other. Sex and sensuality works well with kink, and kink adds a nice edge to them in return.

A theory revisited

I had a lot of interesting comments to my post from a few days ago entitled ‘The Alpha Submissive‘. Sadly nobody had any hard data on the dubious theory that male submissives tends to be successful alpha types in daily life so, as usual, I’m going to be forced to make stuff up as I go along. With that proviso in mind, I thought I’d revisit the topic over the next few posts.

One point I should have made clear is that I’m not suggesting the contrary theory of submissives being particularly unsuccessful. I just suspect that the two factors are uncorrelated with career success, in much the same way that other sexual preferences appear to be.

Most comments agreed with me that the clients of pro-dommes are a skewed and unrepresentative sample set. However, I think it’s a mistake to assume that they’re an entirely uniform crowd of overpaid middle aged guys. When writing the original post I was put in mind of this article on two NYC pro-dommes. One of the dommes comes across as a scammer, and a great advertisement for doing your research before meeting anyone. The other is a real professional with a variety of clients.

Jesse, a 58-year-old transit worker, is probably her favorite; they often meet and chat about school and work before sessions. He even gets a discount from Georgia, who knows he’s strapped financially. “Every paycheck, I take a little bit of money out and put it in an envelope,” he says.

From the article Jesse sounds like a nice guy, but I doubt he’s the kind of person most people think of when they think of a pro-domme client.

I’m once again slightly stumped on what image I should feature for this post, so I’ll just go with something visually appealing from Men in Pain. I found this via the Classy Femdom tumblr.

Scream therapy

I’m safely back in Seattle after flying back late on Sunday night. I finished the trip with a bang, or possibly that should be a thwack, by playing with the beautiful Domina Ai-Li on Sunday afternoon. It was another really fun session. Playing fairly heavy on consecutive days creates some interesting dilemmas, as dommes do love to poke, prod and generally work over any bruises they spot from the previous day!

In my previous post I commented on the role the eyes can play in a scene. Today I’m going to go a couple of inches lower and talk about the throat. It’s not a body part that gets mentioned often, but I think it definitely played a role in my session with Ai-Li. I had a slightly sore throat when we started (probably as a result of too much drinking and talking in busy bars) and yelling and screaming in pain didn’t help matters. I have a tendency to do that when someone beats the inside of my thighs particularly hard. As a result I tried to bite back my yells to be kinder to my throat, and that in turn seemed to lower my pain tolerance. I think vocalizing is a way to release tension and push through tough situations. It lets me be free and simply express what I feel. Trying to hold it back makes it harder for me to take pain and therefore increases its apparent intensity. So I guess it you want to make it tougher for a submissive, tell him or her to shut the hell up.

Of course if you want to let someone scream but not scare the neighbors into calling the cops, a gag is always a good alternative. It doesn’t give you silence, but does muffle yells while still allowing a healthy moan.

I’m afraid I don’t know who the above domme is. If you do then feel free to enlighten me via the comments.

Calculating look

Here’s another image on a similar theme to yesterday’s post. There’s a bound and gagged man being observed by a thoughtful domme. However, where yesterday the dominant’s look was intense and focused, this is more thoughtful and considered. It seems like a moment between action. She’s just enjoying his predicament before ramping the intensity back up.

Once again my Google image search-fu is failing, and I don’t have an original source for this. I’d be prepared to make a small wager it’s originally from a kink.com site, but I don’t have proof. I originally found it on the Classy Femdom tumblr.

The look

The staring glaring domme is a staple of femdom porn. I typically try and avoid anything too cliched, but I think this shots a little different. She certainly has an intense look, but it seems part of the scene rather than faked for the viewer. His pained expression makes me wonder exactly what’s happening just out of shot.

I’m afraid I don’t have an original source for the image. I suspect it’s clipped from a larger shot, but Google’s reverse image search is failing me on this occasion.

Lacking all reason

My previous post featured what I thought was a good article on the positive side of mixing discussion, consent and sex. Today’s post brings you the flipside – a really stupid post on sex and consent. Other bloggers may aim to bring you only good things; I like to go with more of a harmonious yin and yang approach.

The article is (ironically) from Reason magazine and is entitled ‘California’s Sexual Consent Law Will Ruin Good Sex for Women‘. It was prompted by the recent ‘Yes means Yes‘ law passed in California, which aims to shift the emphasis in colleges from an assumption of consent to a need to actively gain consent. There’s an interesting discussion to be had about that law, but the Reason article by Shikha Dalmia certainly isn’t it. The bit that really irked me was this…

…there is usually a difference in tempo between men and women, with women generally requiring more “convincing.” And someone who requires convincing is not yet in a position to offer “affirmative” much less “enthusiastic” consent. That doesn’t mean that the final experience is unsatisfying — but it does mean that initially one has to be coaxed out of one’s comfort zone. Affirmative consent would criminalize that.
The reality is that much of sex is not consensual — but it is also not non-consensual. It resides in a gray area in between, where sexual experimentation and discovery happen.

I’m going to resist the temptation to draw conclusions about Shikha Dalmia’s sex life based on this. I can say it’s pretty piss poor logic with no apparent understanding of what consent means.

One of the great things that exploring kink has done for me is helped me to discuss and negotiate sexual activity. If you grow up watching sex in movies (both mainstream and porn) you get the impression that great sex just happens automatically. One minute the cynical private eye is trading witty barbs and smouldering looks with his femme fatale client, the next minute, just after she’s tried to slap him, they’re having amazing sex without so much as a yes, no or maybe. In reality experimentation, and the discussion that must go along with it, makes everything better. I’ve never yet had a mutual fantasy ruined by talking about it. I’ve had plenty of experiences where misunderstanding and a lack of communication definitely made things worse.

Hopefully the gentleman in this image got all his discussion out of the way up front, as his current options look decidedly limited. The image is of course from Divine Bitches.

Art and reality

One of the things I enjoy about erotic artwork is its ability to portray the strange and fantastic. Artists like Sardax, Namio Harukawa and Augustine do a wonderful job of capturing the extremes of sexual fantasies in a way that still connects with people. Yet the thing I like most about the piece below is it’s realism. I don’t mean that in the visual sense – it’s clearly not a hyperrealistic drawing – but in the mood and style of play it captures. It feels like a moment from a scene I might do or have done. There’s no crazy bondage positions, massive strap-ons or extreme outfits. Just some rope, clothespins and a nice sense of intimacy and connection.

The artist is Tingos and you can see more of his work on his tumblr. I found it via the Lunar Black tumblr.

Completing the costume

Here’s another sexy artwork featuring a lady with anal play on her mind. Unlike yesterday’s shot, this looks less like a reward, and more like the start of some intense roleplaying.

Before writing this post I spent many minutes pondering the image and trying to decide why I found it so erotic. I think it’s down to the contrasts it displays. The bondage set-up and outfit is pretty extreme, yet they seem such a sweet couple. I love his blushing expression and her caring but determined look. That’s just how I like to play – heavy yet tender.

This was created by the artist Tilly Monster. You’ll need a (free) deviant art login to see her most ‘interesting’ work! She takes commissions if you’re interested in some custom artwork.

There’s an app for that

I’ve been meaning to write a highly critical post about the Good2Go app that Slate reviewed a few days ago. Fortunately, as is often the way, my ~~laziness~~ carefully calculated procrastination has paid off, with the Girl on the net doing the job for me. In a far more coherent way than I would have managed, she accurately points out that consent isn’t a simple contract approved with a one time rubber stamp. It certainly shouldn’t be a rubber stamp skewed towards ‘yes’ that gets recorded to some cloud database.

While this particular app is stupid, I’ve often thought there was a role for an app in managing BDSM activity lists. If you’ve not seen one of these before, take a look at this particular example. That gives 200 different activities, with 10 different interest level designators, checkboxes for what you’ve tried and top/bottom differentiation. What’s more it’s formatted to be printed out, so presumably the idea is you fill it out on paper and take it along to play parties. I’ve got to think that an app would be better than handing out flyers to everyone you meet in the dungeon. The app couldn’t negotiate the scene for you, but it could at least do a quick intersection of two different lists and highlight the overlap. Plus, you could update it on the fly and maintain switchable lists for different situations. We could call it the iHanky.

I’m not sure what the gentleman below put on his activity list, but I hope he put a 5 against ‘Getting injected into the urethra with a solution made from Tabasco sauce’. Because judging by what the two ladies are holding, that’s what he’s about to enjoy.

This image is from Baroness Essex, an English pro-domme based in East Anglia and London. It features the Baroness with her PA Katherine. I found it via the Bei Fuss tumblr.

The infinite virtual bookshelf

After my last post on the topic of inadvertent data sharing with family members, Servitor left a comment reminding me that separate user accounts can help solve the problem. That’s actually very good advice. All my laptops are Windows devices and it does an excellent job of providing sand boxed environments for each user. Keeping separate email and social media accounts for kinky stuff is an obvious thing to do, but extending it all the way to your local device also makes a lot of sense.

Unfortunately iPads and apps are terrible in this respect. The Kindle app is particularly bad. Not only does it show all your books in its library, but I can’t even find a way to delete stuff from the shelf. I’ve got all sorts of random porn and kinky writing mixed in with history books, classic crime novels and modern fiction. When I visit someone’s house I always enjoy being nosy and browsing their bookcases. Unfortunately the kindle app designer thinks that not only should your bedroom and living room bookcases be equally on display, but also those well thumbed magazines stashed under your virtual mattress. Now I live in fear that anyone using my iPad will browse my electronic bookcase and get an eyeful of some bizarre BDSM fiction that I purchased on a horny whim in a lonely hotel room many moons ago.

Here’s what I think should have happened to the kindle app designer the day after he came up with his initial design specs. Maybe an hour or two with these two ladies would have encouraged him to try a bit harder.