Humiliation – Femdom Resource

Playing in Public

A scene featuring a domme leading her puppy submissive on a leash through a supermarket recently went viral on Twitter. If you missed the hoopla, then it was later covered on the Daily Dot. That article is at least 50% advertisements, but it does cover the basics of what happened pretty well.

I have thoughts to share, but no time right now to do so. In the meantime I’ll leave you with this twitter thread on the topic, which I found surprising nuanced and thoughtful. It’s rare in social media to find a viral tweet trigger a construction discussion. In fact, let’s be honest. It’s rare is social media to find a constructive discussion at all.

Here’s a different example of kinky public play. At least I assume that’s what it is. It could just be the most obliging boyfriend ever. Or, even hotter, she’s texting her boyfriend and he’s just a supportive (quite literally) friend.

I’m afraid I don’t have an attribution for this. I fished it out from deep within my tumblr archive.

Cuck Jr.

About one hundred years ago I wrote a post on how the kink of cuckolding had been co-opted by the right wing as a form of insult. Given the hypocrisy and projection that emanates from that group, it was inevitable that one of their own would be caught in a real cuckolding scandal. That’s now happened with Jerry Falwell Jr, as reported here by Reuters. Allegedly Jerry liked to watch while his wife had sex with a much younger and more virile man named Giancarlo Granda.

The media and late night comedians obviously saw this story as manna from heaven. A place that, based on his own beliefs, Jerry will presumably now struggle to qualify for. What struck me as surprising was how keen comedians were to emphasize they were not kink shaming. Colbert did a very fun bit on the story, but repeatedly stopped to emphasize he was attacking the hypocrisy, not the sex. I think ten or fifteen years ago the story would have been much more about laughing at the weird freaks and their strange kinks. So, progress?

While the story coverage has been extensive, with the inevitable links to the grifter-in-chief, I do think the media are missing a major piece of it. Namely, what exactly is Jerry’s kink? Is it a genuine cuckold scene? A hotwife scenario? A voyeurism kink? I hope for his sake that humiliation is at least part of it, because he’s getting no shortage of that right now.

This shot is from the Subby Hubby site, specialists in cuckold material. I’m sure the handsome and viral pool boy is just about to enter from stage left.

Pick a Side

Apologies if you’ve one of the tiny handful of people who follow me on twitter, as this post is going to be a rehash of a twitter rant I posted there recently. The tweets were an experiment to see if I could use twitter threads for thoughts longer than 280 characters, and if I’d get better engagement with them. The answers were respectively ‘not easily’ and ‘no’, so I think blog posts will remain my primary form of expression.

The rant in question was brought about by multiple social media arguments I’d seen on controversial kinky activities. Topics like race play, extreme age play, incest porn/roleplay and nazi outfits. All these arguments ultimately boiled down to two basic viewpoints. On one side was ‘as long as its consensual, adults can fantasize about anything’, on the other was ‘this activity has serious implications and you’re selfish/evil for treating it as way to get off’. I think both of those can be defensible opinions. What struck me as crazy was people flipping between the two depending how they felt about the topic in question.

The ‘as long as its consensual’ view is basically a get of jail free card. It’s a perspective that puts kinky play in its own little bubble, with no obvious relationship between what happens in the bubble and the outside world. If you believe it, then you can do a non-con sex roleplay, and not think you’re encouraging rape. Or beat someone and not spend any time wondering if you’re encouraging violence. That’s a valid viewpoint in my opinion, but it’s important to realize, it’s activity agnostic. You can’t logically claim your kinks live in a bubble where consent is all that matters, but arbitrary other kinks don’t.

On the other side, I think it’s also reasonable to argue that kinks very much interact with a broader social context. For example, one could discuss the intersection of race play and racism. However, if you’re going to do that, it means all kinks have to be considered in that context. That means a lot of kinks become potentially problematic, and require deeper analysis and justification. I typically don’t see anyone out there wanting to do that work for their personal favorite kinks.

In actuality, what consistently happens is that people play the ‘as long as its consensual’ card for their favorite kinks, and then try to withhold it when the activity in question gives them yucky feelings. Which seems broken to me. Either play the card consistently and let others do the same, or don’t play it at all.

In the femdom realm the combination of cross-dressing and humiliation is one of those controversial topics that can trigger a similar ‘consensual adults’ versus ‘this is wrong’ debate. The artwork here is by Voloh.

You Do You

Mistress Evilyne has put up an excellent and very personal post on Whorearchy, the shaming of female desire and what sexual acts are appropriate for a dominant. Hint: It’s whatever they damn well decide. As she concludes the post with…

As long as you are not hurting anybody either physically or mentally, then go ahead and do what you want to do! Be you and rock it! And don’t let anyone shame you or tell you that they are better than you.

It’s a topic I’ve touched on before. The last time, in a post entitled Demarcation, I linked to writing from Domina Victoria Rage and Mistress T that made similar arguments. As I said then, I think the legal issues of sex work to tend to distort not only the topic, but even our ability to discuss it openly. For example, I wouldn’t discuss a pegging session here unless the pro-domme in question was publicly open about offering it on her site. Just penetration alone can be problematic legally, let alone if you throw an orgasm or two into the mix.

Theoretically this is only a problem in the professional realm, but in reality I think it tends to spill across all of femdom. Lacking other strong cultural models, people take cues from porn and pros. So we end up in this fucked up situation where patriarchal laws distort professional femdom, and patriarchal norms suppress other representations of femdom, and ultimately the distorted former being an outsized influence on the latter.

This is Mistress Evilyne enjoying some public humiliation play. She’s a London based pro-domme.

SPH

It’s not exactly surprising to come across online articles on sex and fetishes. The internet has many corner and niches stuffed with this material. What does surprise me is how often these articles are making there way onto more mainstream sites. I’m also frequently surprised by the quality of the articles. They’re obviously after clicks and eyeballs, but many of them take the subject seriously rather than playing it for a joke.

Take for example this Gawker peice on Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). The link to it originally caught my eye from a side bar on a random auto site I was scanning with my first coffee of the day. I didn’t expect to end up reading a lengthy article talking about cuckolding, submission and penises stuffed into toilet rolls in a break between my first few meetings. It’s not a fetish of mine, but I’m always happy to see more sensible articles on kinks pop up. Even the comments weren’t too bad, which is something of a miracle in itself.

I’m afraid I don’t know where this artwork is from. If I was guessing I’d say it’s a trimmed version of a cartoon from a old fashion adult magazine. Unfortunately a reverse image search doesn’t lead me to anything.

A chance to bare your (tiny) manhood

For the third year in succession the Smallest Penis in Brooklyn Pageant is running. So if you’re in the Brooklyn area, and packing a tiny penis in your pants, and you like the idea of flashing it in front of a bunch of judges, then go sign up. For those who simply like the idea of looking at a bunch of small dicks, then ~~try CSPAN~~ it’s at the Kings County Saloon on June 13th. I realize that this information is probably only useful to 0.1% of my readers, but small penis humiliation and CFNM is definitely a kink that’s out there, so I feel I’d be slacking in my job if I didn’t cover it.

I believe this illustration is by John Cuneo and was featured in this Esquire article.

Pink, black and gold

I’m going to be taking a few days vacation down in San Francisco. That’s usually my cue to say that posting will therefore be a bit erratic. Unfortunately I’ve been so busy in Seattle recently, this might actually improve my chances of blogging more. Flying is usually a good chance to catch up with any writing I need to do, but given the subject matter, this site might cause a few raised eyebrows in nearby seats if anyone is peering over.

I do have some kinky fun planned for my trip. Any SF visit that missed out on that would seem like a wasted opportunity. Although scheduling it around my friends plans is proving tricky, particularly given that only a few know of my kinky interests. One thing I’m confident of is that I will not be doing is any public humiliation scenes, despite how much fun Mistress Alice and her submissive look like they’re having on the Golden Gate bridge with this one. I’d love to know how many tourists went home with a snap of them and their striking outfits to share with friends and family. No doubt it confirmed a few preconceptions about the typical inhabitant of the Bay area!

You can see other shots of this scene at her tumblr post. Her main site is available here.

If anyone knows any reason why this couple…

Wedding themed shots crop up fairly frequently in femdom imagery. I guess that’s not too surprising, given there’s traditionally a power dynamic associated with a wedding day. Although I’m not really sure if they’re reinforcing or subverting a theme. On the one hand there’s the cliche of the blushing virgin bride on her wedding day being deflowered by her virile new husband. Clearly they twist that idea on it’s head. On the other hand there’s the cliche about the husband losing his freedom and being simultaneously emasculated and domesticated by his new wife. In that case they play into the idea. As an aside, I think it’s also interesting that they follow the traditional femdom porn clothing conventions. The woman is in a special outfit denoting her role (white dress/black leather) while the man is dressed conventionally (smart suit/naked).

Typically wedding themed shots don’t do much for me. However, I like this one for the barely suppressed smile on the man passing the couple by. That’s exactly the kind of half-smile I’d be sporting if I passed this pair in the street. There’s always an ongoing and never resolved debate about PDS (in fact Orlando was writing about it just this weekend), but in this case I think they’re spreading a little mirth wherever they go. Particularly if there’s a beaming bride to go with that grumpy groom.

I found this image on Red Head with a Riding Crop tumblr. My internet sleuthing leads me to believe the photographer is on flickr as m.o.n.o.c.h.r.o.m.e. Based on his portfolio it looks like a candid shot snapped in the street, rather than something posed. I also believe it was taken in Edinburgh in August, which almost certainly means it was something to do with the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Given the leaflets the ‘groom’ is holding, I’m guessing they were drumming up support for a show they were staging. So it’s street theater rather than PDS. Does that make a difference to the debate?

Leash laws

Earlier in the week I came across this story on a public display of D/s. It’s an advice column, and featured the story of a woman taking her leashed partner for walks in a residential area. The letter writer was a concerned neighbor who wanted to know how to handle it. While the ultimate advice given was good (be friendly and don’t worry about it), the tone it was couched in was obnoxious. It seemed to have no understanding of why somebody might do it and attributed it entirely to a juvenile desire to shock.

I was pondering writing about this when, courtesy of a post from Mistress T, I was pointed to a follow-up article. The domme in question, a woman named Kai’enne, had seen the article and contacted the columnist. It’s a much more positive piece and puts across their D/s lifestyle in an understanding manner. It reflects well on all involved, although the reader comments are depressingly full of the usual hateful rubbish you might expect.

Then, just minutes after I’d read that article, I came across this post by Mistress Alex. It features leashes, public exhibitionism, bootblacking and the photograph below. I wonder what the original letter writer would have said to this scene in her neighborhood?

Mistress Alex is a NYC based pro-domme. Her blog is available here and her professional site is here.

Splat!

It’s always important to be able to give clear and unambiguous feedback on the quality of someone’s work. How else can they expect to improve? It would appear that the young lady below has certainly mastered the art. I doubt that he’ll forget to mop behind the kitchen waste bin next time.

The drawing is by Bakerman (free deviant art login required). He has created a big collection of fun femdom drawings, a lot of which feature pies to the face. They’re a little too slapstick for my personal erotic taste, but they do make me smile. For those that do savor the idea the idea of getting pied by a dominant female, then his work could be just your cup of tea (and slice of cake).

The original title for the piece is ‘Teacher’s Brow Gets Mopped‘ and the artists description of it reads “Two young women felt this instructor wasn’t being professional, so one shoved a mop in his face while the other waited to dump muddy water over his head.”