Humor – Page 11 – Femdom Resource

Kinky Speed Dating

Apparently, it’s a thing. At least it is if you live in Los Angeles. You turn up at the event, fill in a match card, do a series of 5 minute dates and then wait a few days to see if anyone you met is interested in getting kinky with you. It sounds simultaneously horrifying and appealing.

The traditional way to meet kinky people in person is a munch. Which, from a personal perspective, as a naturally shy person, is a pretty stressful concept. Munches are unstructured social events. I fear cliques, hidden social dynamics and the mix of motivations for attendees (much like this). Kinky speed dating might lead to some strange conversations, but at least everyone is on the same page when it comes to motives and the process.

If anyone has attended one of these, or is planning on going to the June 15th one in LA, I’d love to hear how it went via a comment.

The image is from the Angry Little Girls webcomic series by Lela Lee.

So it’s come to this

This is, I swear, my last retrospective post to commemorate my 2000^th post anniversary. If I’m not careful I’m going to be still writing about it when post 3000 rolls around. So normal service will be resumed tomorrow.

Until then, let me finish by sharing links to some of my favorite past posts. These are the ones I most enjoyed writing and I think best represent what I’m trying to do here. So here, in no particular order, is my top 10.

The post ‘Reality and Physicality‘, featuring a quote from the book Neuromancer, captures a sensation from kinky play that I often experience, but haven’t seen described elsewhere. It also features some lovely shots of Domina Yuki.
I’ve frequently posted on the silly stereotype that most submissive men have stressful high power jobs and like the chance to unwind in a dungeon (for example here). I think this particular post is the best rant I’ve managed to date on that.
Stupid legal situations have been another good area for angry cathartic posts, particularly featuring the UK. This was the one that made me laugh the most.
This post on Bob Flanagan wasn’t anything too special, but it did trigger one of the most interesting comments I’ve ever had (from scott Kelly).
This post and it’s more constructive follow-up highlighted an issue in scene negotiation that has bitten me in the past. Hopefully they might have saved others from a similar situation.
My posts obviously rely a lot on artwork created by others. This post had one of the cutest pieces, and also addressed an important issue.
You can prove anything with statistics – including the fact that more people fantasize about being peed on that watched the 2014 World Series.
Large tech companies doing stupid things with adult content is a frequent and significant problem. I thought this post on why that might happen presented a perspective on it that’s rarely heard.
BDSM bloggers often write about pain in scenes, but less frequently address how stress can build up in play. I thought Accumulating Stress and it’s follow-up Relieving Stress were an interesting take on that.
Being listed as a top sex blogger back in 2012 was nice, but even better was the chance to write this Colbert-esque acceptance piece.

For images I hunted back to find something that I really liked. Expressions and smiles have been a common theme and it seemed appropriate to repeat that. Not to mention some cool suspension rope bondage.

When a switch marries a domme

I’m guessing from her expression, his desire is likely to go unfulfilled. Or maybe he can be the dominant one, just as long as he does exactly as he’s told.

This drawing for Playboy magazine is by the British cartoonist Francis Wilford Smith. According to his Wikipedia page he was a man of many talents. He did cartoons for Punch, Esquire and The New Yorker. He worked on advertising campaigns for major companies, wrote books on pin-up magazines and was a collector and expert on Blues and Gospel music.

An unusual momento

Like a lot of submissives, I appreciate having something to remind me of an enjoyable play session. It might be bruises from a cane, a hidden bitemark or, as was the case a few weeks back, a heart carved into my chest. Days or even weeks after the event, seeing these physical reminders can put a smile on my face and a little rush of happiness in my heart. Most don’t last much beyond that. Even the scalpel work on my chest is slowly fading and will probably be gone by the end of the month. And yet this weekend I stumbled across something from a session back in 2011 that achieved that same effect. It was a jar of Crystal Hot Sauce.

I’m a keen cook. I’m also pretty organized about labeling, checking dates and throwing old stuff out. Despite this, like a lot of kitchens, I still have that one shelf where odd cans and unused jars migrate to. It’s the graveyard shelf, where strange non-perishable items that I’ll probably never use lurk. I decided to dig up and cleanse my kitchen graveyard this weekend, and the Crystal Hot Sauce was lurking right at the back, unopened. I stared at it for a good while before I remembered the reason I’d purchased it. It was because Lydia had dripped it all over my cock back in a chemical play session in 2011.

I guess technically I didn’t buy it because of its effect on my genitals. At the end of the session I’d tasted it – from the bottle not the cock – and thought it was pretty good. I even said so in my post at the time, and added I’d be purchasing it to keep in the kitchen. I’m clearly a man of my word. That jar, purchased a day or two after the session, stayed unopened in my kitchen for 2171 days.

It’s sadly gone now. It probably lasts forever, but I figure if you don’t use a sauce in the first 6 years of its life, you’re probably not going to use it in the next 6. However, before it disappeared to the big BBQ in the sky, it did give me a smile and a burst of happy memories of that session with Lydia.

This is Mistress Sidonia of The English Mansion doing some chemical play of her own. In this case she’s going in the opposite direction to hot sauce, with a deep cold rub. I’m sure it’ll be equally invigorating for the man in the bed.

The cloud knows all

Smart advertising is already pretty spooky. I’ll do a casual search on Expedia for a trip idea, and be bombarded with hotel ads in my Facebook feed. Or I’ll search Google for a kitchen appliance, and suddenly every website has an opinion on what toaster I should buy. The combination of smarter AI, corrupt politicians and the ever expanding amount of user behavior data stored in the cloud is only going to make it spookier in the future. Pretty soon you’ll post-coitally murmur into your partner’s ear that maybe next time you might be up for a little light anal play, and the following morning you’ll have a grinning UPS guy outside with a 55 gallon drum of lube and an inflatable gargantula dildo.

The reason I mention all this is not because a Canadian dildo manufacturer just got caught tracking the behavior of its users. That’s a great example of what the future holds, but not what prompted this post. Instead it was triggered by my Facebook feed advertising ballgags to me. At least that’s what it looked like at first glance. It turned out to be for the Jawzrsize – a weird jaw exercise device. As images like this and this show, it does really resemble a ballgag. So I’m let wondering – what do the Facebook algorithms know about me? I’ve shown zero interest in fitness products or home exercise equipment. So are they just being dumb, or really really smart? Is there somewhere a Facebook AI thinking “So far he’s not been into exercise, but based on that blog he writes, he is into freaky sex toys. Perhaps this is the crossover product that’ll finally snag him?” If the next FB ad I see is for an exciting new weights workout device for the lower body, then I’ll know Facebook is really onto me.

I’ll leave you with a happy young woman doing her best to help a man develop a firm and square jawline of his own.

I believe this is from the bondishboys site.

Twitter Tantrum

Amazingly, while I was posting yesterday about the kinky T-Mobile Ads, Verizon and T-Mobile were getting to a ridiculous twitter feud over them. It ended up getting covered in a whole bunch of places, for example here and here. Some people even got upset with Verizon’s line that “Unfortunately no one will hear your safe word if you’re on @Tmobile“. Personally I thought that was kind of funny. Not sure how you get offended by it.

There has been a lot of controversy in the US in recent years over rulings treating corporations as people. Perhaps those opposed to that have been going about it the wrong way. These corporations are acting like people – specifically petulant teenagers on social media. So they should be able to get involved in politics, but only with the allowance they earn from cutting the lawn and taking out our garbage. And if they don’t behave themselves, we’ll ground them and take away their twitter account.

I believe this is the model Elena Berkova enjoying some quality texting time.

Superb Owl

America had some kind of sporting event combined with a pop concert and a product fair on Sunday. Yes, it was once again time for the annual Superb Owl (as coined by Mr. Colbert).

I’m tempted to make a joke about the Falcons being big breathplay fans, given how much choking was involved, but that feels like it’d be a cheap shot. Instead I’ll focus on a couple of the more amusing advertisements. T-Mobile enlisted the excellent Kristen Schaal to spoof Fifty Shades of Grey with this initial ad and then this follow-up. I say it was a 50 SoG spoof, but frankly Kristen’s character seems way more into enjoying kink than any of the characters from that sad series.

Weirdly this isn’t the first time I’ve featured T-Mobile. A few years ago they had an ad with Carly Foulkes on a motorcycle that pushed mine and I’m sure a few other people’s buttons. Somebody in their marketing department clearly has a kinky streak.

I’ll leave you with a shot of a woman doing to a man what the Patriots just did to the Falcons.

I’m afraid I don’t know who shot this. I found it on the Femdom Times site.

Gynecocracy

One particular strand of femdom thinking that’s rarely featured here is Gynecocracy or Matriarchy. That’s not because I’m a big fan of the current patriarchy – and certainly not the very specific patriarch we find ourselves with at the moment. It’s because femdom with gynecocracy typically seems to fall into two camps: The silly and the annoying.

The silly one is the one written by men with one hand in their pants. It seems to assume that once women are in power, they’ll all want to spend an inordinate amount of time dressing in exciting leather outfits, brandishing whips and bossing naked men around. They might do horrible things to the men, but it’ll all be done in a sexily cruel kind of way. Castration may be required, but don’t worry, big buxom nurses in tight outfits will be handling the snip.

The annoying one is the version that simple asserts every household would be better off with a woman in charge. Apparently inside every woman is a domme waiting to get out and take charge. And if she seems unsure about that, it’s the mans job to explain it to her, and insist that she knows best. Or I guess insist that he knows best that she knows best. It all gets a bit recursive at that point.

Personally, I’m all for egalitarianism at a societal level, with local variations of power and control negotiated on a case by case basis. However, if you genuinely harbor Gynarchy fantasies, may I direct your attention to this post by a radical feminist on her version of a women led society. Sexy femdom fun it is not. At first glance it seems like a joke, but judging by the rest of the blog, I think it’s meant to be taken seriously. Kind of ironic that in a post that’s supposed to extol the virtue of female leadership, she puts forward an approach that makes Stalin or Hitler look like models of restrained and sensible governance. Fortunately, she wants to euthanize all the pornographers, so I guess I’ll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

I think this image represents something from the silly camp. It’s Olga Schoberova in the role of Ayesha ruler of Kuma from the Hammer movie ‘The Vengeance of She‘.

Thanks to this ErosBlog post for directing me to the radical feminist blog. Certainly made for some eye opening reading.

Glitoris

It’s not often you get to see a giant golden clitoris on the stage at the Sydney Opera House, but this blog can deliver the goods. I guess technically it was Amanda Palmer and Alli Sebastian Wolf who delivered the goods, the Guardian newspaper by proxy, and this blog by proxy of proxy. But whatever. All those who don’t read the Guardian or live in Sydney, you’re welcome.

The associated article has a number of interesting facts. The one that really caught my eye was that the clitoris ‘is the only part of the human body that never ages’. That seems suspect. I assume most ladies do no have a Tardis down their pants, so it’s not actually time travelling. Most clitori are probably the same age as their owners. I guess they mean it doesn’t decay with age. Although that seems suspect as well – how do you define decay? I can think of a fair number of body parts that keep working till you die. The clitoris does apparently grow over time, so if we’re looking for things that get bigger but keep working, my stomach would be another good candidate.

Anyway, quibbles aside, I love the idea of a giant glittering clitoris appearing on stage. More events should have that. You couldn’t have paid me to watch the inauguration on Friday, but if there’d been a giant glittery clitoris appearing behind the pussy grabbing pres, I might just have tuned in.

I’m afraid I’ve no source for this tongue on clitoris action.

Divine space

According to this article, the Chinese city of Shenyang has created special parking spots just for women. That’s not an entirely new idea. Some cities have dedicated spots for women with young children, or marked spots in well lit and camera covered areas for increased safety. Sadly the Shenyang spots aren’t for those practical reasons. These spots are simply longer and wider (and pinker) to make it easier for women to park in them. Apparently they (allegedly) need help with their parking.

At first glance this seems incredibly sexist and patronizing. But what caught my eye was the labeling of them – Goddess Parking spots. So maybe there’s another explanation. Maybe the city transport division is staffed by femdom fans. They’re not being sexist, they’re just showing respect. If the next rule is that male parking violators have to be whipped by female traffic police, or that the city transport division staff have to clean the parked Goddesses cars in the nude, then we’ll know it’s a femdom fan thing. If not, then I guess we’re back to ‘sexist and patronizing’ as the explanation.

Sadly the Young Dommes site this image is from has ceased to exist.