Humor – Page 14 – Femdom Resource

Cynthia Payne

I was sad to read of the death of Cynthia Payne, who died on November 15th aged 82. As this obituary makes clear she had a rich and complicated life, and was a famous advocate for sex work. Despite having a great name for a dominatrix, she wasn’t strictly that. Instead she worked as an escort, brothel manager, sex party organizer and general provider of both kinky and non-kinky experiences. Maybe it says something about the English that she started as a general sex worker, but became known for all the kinky activities she was asked to help organize.

Two different films were shot based on her life. The early years were portrayed in Wish You Were Here. However, the more relevant one for this blog is Personal Services. Directed by Terry Jones (of Monty Python fame) and starring Julie Walters (from films such as Educating Rita and Billy Elliot), it told the story of her later life and sex work. It’s pretty tame by today’s standards, but I think worth seeking out. I think this quote gives a flavor for the very British humor involved…

[Wing Commander Morten, dressed in a French maid’s uniform, is dragged along the corridor to the cells after a police raid on the brothel]

Morten: [yells] I am retired officer of the RAF, twice decorated. I flew two hundred and seven missions over occupied territory – in bra and panties!
Policeman: You’re a disgrace.
[the cell door slams shut]
Morten: [yells, with hands on hips] This is no way to treat a lady!

I don’t have a picture of that scene, but here’s another one from the movie featuring another particularly British kink.

The yodeling dominatrix

There are some words you never expect to see next to each other. For example, ‘joyful’ and ‘coroner’ or perhaps ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘modest’. Until today I would have put ‘yodeling’ and ‘dominatrix’ in that category, but thanks to a pointer from this article on Manuela Horn, I stand corrected. If you really want to blow your mind with unusual juxtapositions I give you the yodeling dominatrix singing AC/DC’s highway to hell.

If I’m going to be pedantic (and I usually am), then I might quibble about the dominatrix bit. She certainly has a fine line in fetishistic outfits, but I’m not sure I see any evidence of BDSM play or general sadism. Unless you count yodeling at people, which personally I would.

If you’re in Spokane in October then you can catch up with her at Oktoberfest. For those not in the Washington state area, I leave you with another image of unusual juxtapositions. If there’s someone out there who has been fantasizing about sitting in a paddling pool, wearing a panda suit, playing an accordion, while an attractive lady in an odd fetish outfit holds your leash, then today is your lucky day.

Ouch

This article on sex related injuries and mishaps made me laugh. Alcohol, slippery substances and horny naked people can be a dangerous combination.

I’m a little surprised there are no kink related stories in there. You’d expect that given the potential risk of most BDSM activities that there would be a greater potential for mishap. One possible answer is that kinky people plan carefully and practice the risky parts. More likely that BDSM accidents are just less funny. Humor comes from surprise and unexpected juxtapositions. Describing how you hurt your boyfriend by hanging him from the ceiling and sticking a cattle prod up his ass is less a surprise and more of a ‘duh’. Bad sex can be funny, while bad BDSM can be a court action.

Talking of playing with cattle prods and suspension, here’s a lady doing exactly that. Given it was shot by the professionals at Divine Bitches, I’m sure it was a mishap free scene.

Fings I ave learnt

I believe it’s customary to reflect back on lessons learned when reaching a significant milestone. Given this blog just reached its 5 year birthday, it seems fitting to reflect on a few learning points I’ve taken away in that time.

If you use your phone to take session photographs, don’t give it to friends when they want to browse your holiday snaps. It’s possible they’ll side swipe right past that charming little restaurant you found and right onto a close-up of a cock with needles in it.
Never schedule a dermatology appointment the day after a scene. Cane and clamp marks take longer than 24 hours to fade.
It’s unwise to tell a domme to ‘avoid X and Y, but anything else is fair game’. The set of things that are not X or Y is really big and contains much that is painful.
Ninety five percent of dommes will immediately reach for a cane when they discover you have a long flight coming up in a few hours. They’ll also giggle about how painful it’ll be to sit down afterwards.
It’s possible to become blasé about discussing the exact type of anal play you enjoy with a unfamiliar lady you met just 10 minutes earlier. This remains true even if you’re a generally shy person who can get embarrassed while watching TV on your own.
Hot wax gets everywhere. You could be pressure washed down by a team of expert nurses just minutes after hot wax play, and still be finding wax in odd crevices days later.
When a domme asks ‘Have you tried activity X?’ do not take that opportunity to brag about what an intense and crazy amount of X you did in a previous session. That will be seen as a challenge that you can only lose.

Hopefully that’ll aid you all on your kinky journeys. In the meantime, like this young lady, I’m off to raise a glass to mine.

I believe this is by the NZ artist Archia!, and is fan art from the TV show Hannibal.

Songs about submissive men

The artwork below made me smile, although I’m not entirely sure about some of the song choices. A lot of them seem more like standard love songs, with all the usual cliches those entail. For example, ‘That’s a good idea‘ by Otis Redding sounds to me like a guy trying to talk a woman into taking her clothes off rather than being submissive. I did enjoy the lyrics to ‘Honey, I’m Home‘ by Shania Twain. Not my kind of music, but definitely a song from a woman who knows what she wants from her man.

Song choices aside, the artwork is very cute and fun. I like how happy everyone is in it. The creator is the artist Humon and you can see the original full size version here.

Pegging your way to the top

Abbi Jacobson, star of Broad City, was recently snubbed for an Emmy nomination. She responded in humorous fashion with the tweet “Who do you have to peg in this town??!” Given there are about 15,000 people who can vote the Emmy’s, the answer is quite a lot of bottoms.

I’ve not actually seen the show, but I have seen the clip that inspired the joke. Hopefully the humorous but positive way they tackled the idea will encourage many more couples to experience the joy of a damn good pegging.

I’m afraid I don’t know who this happy pegger is.

You’re plugged!

The last couple of posts have been kind of serious, so it’s probably about time to lighten this blog up a bit. With that idea in mind, I bring you the Donald Trump Butt Plug. That should put a smile on everyone’s face, apart from The Donald.

I’ve always considered Donald Trump a kind of one man comedy show. If you treated his public persona as a kind of advanced performance art piece it can be pretty entertaining. Unfortunately with his immigration comments he crossed the line from buffoon into racist rabble rousing, which does tend to kill the humorous angle. The butt plug in the current design isn’t actually safe to stuff up your ass, but it certainly would make for a striking decorative conversation piece. There aren’t many butt plugs sporting a combover.

This artwork is from Waldo. It looks like a science experiment in progress. I only hope she doesn’t have a marrow on her ‘to try’ list.

Used panties for sale

Men buying women’s used underwear online is a thing. Not really my kind of thing, but I do like the free market ethos behind it. The women involved get an extra source of income and the men get their particular kinky itch scratched. Of all the many sexual financial transactions that happen, this seems like one of the easiest and safest.

If this is your particular kink, and you’re also into powerful women, then let me direct your attention to this sale of Queen Victoria’s Underpants. Admittedly they’ll be a bit pricier than the average pair from a Craigslist ad. At around 120 years old they’re also probably mustier and sturdier than most guys would like. But just consider who the original owner was. She ruled the largest empire in history, at almost one quarter of the earth’s landmass and one fifth of the population. Forget minor celebrities with products named after them, this is a woman with an entire historical era named after her. That backpage ad for used underwear may feature an attractive young lady in tight leather, but is she related to most of the royal families of Europe? I think not.

While I’m on the subject of attractive ladies in tight leather, here’s one offering someone a close-up view of her particular garments. Queen Victoria would not have been amused.

Games

I was fortunate enough to get to play a new game with Lydia tonight. It was called “How many needles can we put into paltego’s scrotum?” Much fun was had by all. The final score was Scrotum 1 Needles 40. Although when you play that kind of game it’s not really the score, it’s the taking part that counts.

I’m not exactly sure what game is being played in the image below, but once again it looks like the man is on the losing side. I think he should count himself lucky. This lady looks like the type to enjoy celebrating after her victory. Lydia is more the ‘spray some disinfecting alcohol on all the punctured area and enjoy watching him squirm’ type.

The only thing I know about this artist are the initials TBT. It looks a bit like the style of xrenderer, but I’ve no evidence beyond that observation to link the two.

What would Miss Manners say?

As eye catching headlines go this one takes some beating – A Princess Once Dueled A Countess Over Floral Arrangements… Topless. It’s got aristocracy, violence, naked ladies and flower arranging all in one sweet bundle. It sounds like something from a 1960’s B movie, but apparently women dueling in the late 19th century was seen as a progressive act. This was therefore an emancipated duel. I’m not sure acting as stupidly as men did is really progress, but I guess it made some sort of sense in the context of the time.

Probably the most famous female swordswomen from history would be Julie d’Aubigny, who I’ve covered here in a previous post. I don’t think she ever fought topless or over a bunch of flowers. In more recent years we had the famous documentary on the killing of Bill. I believe the duel below was triggered by a disagreement over wedding arrangements, so I guess little has changed over the last hundred or so years.