Humor – Page 18 – Femdom Resource

Paddling the pigskin

I’m back again in Seattle after suffering through a much delayed flight. Apparently in my absence some sort of sporting event occurred. I’m with Dan Savage on this particular issue…

The team that happens to be located in the city I happened to relocate to 20 yrs ago for non-football-related reasons is ahead!
From Dan’s Twitter Feed

I’ve actually been a 49ers fan since I was a kid, so I lost most of my interest in the proceedings after the NFC championship game a couple of weeks ago. However, it does give me a chance to feature some football themed femdom. Perhaps the Denver cheerleaders should have given this a shot? It certainly would have made for a more entertaining show, and it couldn’t have made things any worse.

I’m afraid I don’t know the artist. I found it on the Femdom Artists site.

Transurethral probing

This post is shamelessly cribbed from Mistress Matisse’s twitter feed. I consider it ecological blogging. Recycling for the good of the planet and my readers.

In her tweet she linked to an amusing and thoughtful video by Sarah Silverman on women’s reproductive rights. Sarah mocks the transvaginal ultrasound procedure that some states are trying to legislate, and suggests men should get a metal probe and camera shoved down their penis prior to masturbating. As Matisse points out, that’s not guaranteed to turn a guy off. In fact, in many cases they’ll probably enjoy it.

The unfortunate gentleman in the image below appears to have suffered a terrible facial injury. I’m not quite sure how sticking a tube into his urethra is going to help with that, but I assume the nurse knows what she’s doing. After all, they wouldn’t let any random unqualified young lady wear an official medical uniform like that one.

This is from the CBT and Ballbusting site.

A good hard cuddle

Words can’t express how much I like this sequence of images (click to enlarge them). It’s cute, funny and very sexy. I love the ‘Pat Pat’ moment, his deadpan response and the “Do it more. Do it harder” finale.

It’s also a good example of playing with gender asymmetry in a sexual situation. What if it had been a guy sitting there with his dick sticking out, a big grin on his face offering to give his girlfriend a cuddle? Then it would have been creepy and disturbing. This subverts the stereotype that women want to cuddle and guys want to screw, and is all the hotter because of it.

I believe the artist goes by the handle Cute*Blue. He or she has a tumblr and a website but I can find very little biographical information.

Flirting with Mary Jane

According to this documentary footage smoking marijuana turns innocent young women into sex crazed dominatrices. I was not aware of this. Given that the state of Washington has recently legalized pot I guess I should prepare to be grabbed and ravished on any street corner. Loose fitting clothes would seem to be in order.

I actually don’t smoke myself. My collection of vices is already large enough without adding this one. I do have female friends who smoke, and thus far they’ve resisted the urge to pull on a catsuit and whip me. It’s probably too much effort when you’re high. Although I guess giggling a lot and telling confused rambling anecdotes can be a kind of torture for those who aren’t partaking in the evil weed.

The movie clip and image are from the 2005 musical version of Reefer Madness (based on the classic 1936 exploitation flick). The innocent/depraved Mary Lane is played by Kristen Bell.

Socks

This post may meander past some odd topics but, unless things go radically off course, it will finish with some femdom. So stick around. Or not. Your call.

A few days ago, on my post about a boy who locked himself in his parents handcuffs, hmp commented that kids will find everything. I don’t have children, but my own childhood would certainly validate his comment. My parents didn’t have kinky toys, but they did have a couple of sex manuals, including the famously illustrated Joy of Sex. In the days before widespread consumer internet, and with no cable tv, this was my equivalent of kink.com cross with late night Cinemax. No matter where my parents hid it, and they certainly tried lots of places, I could always find it. It was like ESP, only with less ouija boards and more used tissues.

You’d think that reading an educational sex manual designed for loving couples would be good preparation for actually having sex. That it’d help me be a more caring and sensitive partner. And it’s true that I didn’t grow up thinking that a violent jack-hammering followed by semen all over their face was what most women were looking for. Sadly however, none of its wise words stuck with me when I (finally) encountered a real naked and eager woman. Absolutely the only thing I remembered was that it advised men to always take their socks off before removing their trousers (pants in the US) to avoid looking silly. I did that. I was very pleased with myself. My thought process was “Remember socks then trousers … remember socks then trousers … good job … looking pretty suave … naked lady … real naked lady … wow … errrr … is this the foreplay thingy? … I guess I lick … something … maybe …”

Even today when I’m getting naked with someone new, that memory comes back to me. I only wish a few more male porn models and photographers had read the same book, as silly looking naked men in socks crop up all the time. Just in the last few weeks my posts have featured this guy, this guy and this guy. The image below is another good case in point. Admittedly the Joy of Sex didn’t have anything to say about getting undressed when you’re about to be anally and orally penetrated on a couch by two women wielding strap-ons. Perhaps it would have given a pass in this situation, but I kind of doubt it.

This image is from the Girls Abuse Guys site. I found it on the Felm Cyber tumblr.

Tis the season

This is the time of year when Christmas themed images start appearing on blogs. It’s also normally the time of year when I start cursing my lack of suitable material. I’m a fairly ad-hoc blogger, tracking down images as and when I need them for a post. The problem is that Christmas themed femdom is rare, and hunting for it on an as needed doesn’t really work. Fortunately, having encountered this problem twice before, I’ve got a bit more organized in advance this year. I at least have 2 or 3 suitable images saved, so brace yourself for a (very) short series of festive posts.

This first one features Ida Lupino, a pioneering female director and star of such classic movies as They Drive by Night and High Sierra. According to this blog post the image was shot at a Warner Brothers holiday party in 1942.

Super hard fucker

The mention of 50 shades in the article in yesterday’s post prompted a couple of comments taking a well deserved swipe at the infamous Grey trilogy. I’m fully on board with the hate, as I’ve blogged in the past. However, I do think the point made in the article – that it got more people talking about BDSM – is a valid one. I’m not sure that outweighs the harm created by its messed up treatment of sex/consent/relationships/BDSM/etc., but it’s something that can’t be discounted. Hell, even my parents asked me about it, which was a disconcerting conversation on many different levels.

I’ve always enjoyed this parody of it, but for a really brutal takedown you have to turn to Cliff at The Pervocracy. She’s pulling it apart chapter by chapter in a series of cuttingly funny and insightful posts. You can read her progress to date in Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6. You just have to love an analysis that includes this description of someone who doesn’t make love but instead ‘fucks hard’…

…to me, it sounds like the kind of shit a guy says to cover the fact that he barely knows which end of you has the vagina parts. “Oh yeah, baby, I’m such a super hard fucker. I’m totally going to put my dick in your clitoris and then I’m going to fuck through your cervix into your uterus. It’s the hottest. All of the hundreds of women I’ve fucked have loved it. I fuck so hard.”
Let’s Read Fifty Shades of Grey: Chapter 6!

My only fear is that Cliff will get so depressed by the whole experience that she’ll not finish the series. That would be a great shame.

In honor of super hard fuckers everywhere, I thought I’d share this image. Judging by the grip she has on the hood and her expression, somebody is enjoying a hard fuck up the prostate and through the colon. It’s the hottest.

The image is originally from the Femdom Sessions site. I found it on the Domina Lova tumblr.

Supergirl to the rescue!

After yesterday’s post featuring some very modern femdom art, I thought it’d be a nice contrast to reach into the past for this post. This particular image is very much of its time and genre – from the artistic style, through the exposition style of speech (clearly it’s important they’re told she’s got super powers) to the cliched green aliens. What particularly made me smile was the look on the aliens’ faces. They don’t look all that upset about the situation. In fact they almost appear to be queuing up. Perhaps their nefarious plot to take over the earth was simply a ploy to get a good spanking from a cute girl in red boots?

I found this on the Lunar Black tumblr.

So it has come to this…

Shameless attention whoring ahoy! I figure if Ferns can get away with it, why not me?

Rori is once again taking nominations for the best sex bloggers. Last year I was nominated and ended up on the list, as I blogged about at the time. Now obviously as a serious and dedicated sex blog blogger, I’m above such petty popularity contests. It matters to me not one whit should I be nominated or not. My only concern is to bring you, my dear readers, the best femdom based material I can. But it strikes me that getting nominated would encourage more readers to visit. And that would mean more readers to write witty and insightful comments. And that in turn would create a better quality blog for everyone. So I’m really doing it for all of you out there.

Anyone buying that unimpeachable logic, and wanting to help me help you, can do so by leaving a suitable nomination comment on Rori’s site. It’d make me, I mean you, as happy as a Deviant Kade being tied up by a Simone Kross.

The image is originally from the CBT and Ballbusting site. I found it via the Happy BDSM tumblr.

Slavery. Not as fun as it sounds.

I was amused by this article about an enterprising woman trying to get farm chores done on the cheap.

Masochists who responded to an advert by an Austrian woman seeking “submissive, well-to-do” men found themselves forced to do farm chores such as stacking wood in the nude or cutting the grass while wearing fetish masks.

Instead of the punishment they were expecting, the men were put to work as labourers around their mistress’s farm in north-eastern Austria, near the town of St. Pölten.

Unsurprisingly it turned out that doing real manual labor wasn’t quite as fun as the outdoor fetish frolics they were expecting. I’m not sure what kind of punishment she advertised, but stacking wood in the nude and cutting grass in a leather gimp mask sounds pretty punishing to me.

What’s particularly strange is that she ended up being charged with “illegal prostitution”. Since prostitution is the selling of sexual services, and the lack of kinky sex fun was precisely their complaint, I’d be intrigued to know what tortuous logic led to that charge. If she’d turned up in leather boots and hit them occasional, would that have made it “legal prostitution” ?

I’ll finish with a picture that is probably more in line with what the men were hoping for. It still looks like hard work, but I’m sure the pony gear, fetish outfits and whipping would have made them a lot happier.

This buggy racing shot is from the Other World Kingdom.