Humor – Page 21 – Femdom Resource

White Shirt, Armor bonus +1.

I was amused but slightly saddened to stumble across this post over at the Repair Her Armour tumblr. It provides some entertaining drawings of the typical outfits for female characters in on-line role playing games. As you’d expect practicality is not high on the requirement list. Obviously just the thing you want for protection when charging into a cave full of orcs is a metal bikini and stiletto heels.

Predictably enough there’s a dominatrix style outfit on the list. The tumblr artist also gets bonus points for noting that these games often can’t seem to decide if it’s supposed to be a dominatrix or a slave outfit. They just throw a bunch of leather, chains and spikes at it and call it good. Some kinky photographers do much the same thing.

I’m not opposed to some leather and chains now and again, but even in a BDSM setting they can get a bit old. So it made a nice change to find these two images, with nary a hint of cow hide in sight. Just a barefoot woman in a white shirt taking charge of her guy.

The images are from the Woman Worship site. I found them originally on the Geek Domme tumblr.

For anyone wandering about the slightly odd title – armor bonus is an old RPG term and reflects just how much protection an item of clothing gives. Oddly the strange metal bikinis and leather lingerie that female characters get stuck with often seems to offer the same protection as a full suit of armor. In this case her white shirt isn’t going to help much against a bunch of orcs, but this guy doesn’t look like he’s about to put up much of a fight.

Beware of guys with cameras

I often turn up for a session with a camera in my pocket. I like to document some of the more interesting activities I get to experience, even if the end results aren’t exactly studio quality. However, it turns out there’s another type of guy with a camera, and as Rain DeGrey entertainingly describes in this blog post, he’s someone to be avoided at all costs. It sounds like a horrible situation, but she turns it into a great anecdote.

I wrote about the cost of hiring a professional fetish model sometime ago. At the time I commented favorable on the comparison to hiring a pro-domme (for example), while at the same time making it clear these were not in anyway comparable activities. Obviously some other guys can do the same maths, but arrive at very different conclusions.

Of course the sign of a really talented photographer is when somebody will actually pay you to shoot them. One of the best in the BDSM world is Natasha Gornik. She’s the photographer of choice for a lot of the top pro-dommes. So after Rain’s tale of terrible photography, let’s finish with a couple of great shot’s from Natasha’s portfolio.

The oldest trap?

I’m always a fan of pulpy novels featuring predatory female figures. This one’s particularly good, with both a sultry blonde and a tough as nails older woman. However, the catchy line above the title – “She lured him into the world’s oldest trap’ – is a bit puzzling.

The luring part is fairly obvious, given the flashed leg and low cut top. But what’s the world’s oldest trap? In modern internet slang that would imply that the older woman was packing a penis in her panties. Given the context though, I doubt that’s it. Marriage doesn’t make sense, as that’s a relatively modern social idea. The same goes for monogamous coupling and child rearing. I’ve got to think that the world’s oldest trap is a pit covered in branches. That’s how they used to catch woolly mammoths after all. It seems an odd way to catch a guy, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to me. I guess it might still be better than relying on your OK Cupid profile.

Often this kind of pulp cover is associated with some fairly poor fiction. But this story is actually by the great Jim Thompson. I’ve not read this particular novel, but he’s famous for such works as The Getaway, The Grifters and The Killer Inside Me. He also collaborated with Kubrick on The Killing and Paths of Glory (although didn’t receive proper credit). If you’re a fan of the pulp crime genre he’s definitely an author worth exploring.

If anyone knows any reason why this couple…

Wedding themed shots crop up fairly frequently in femdom imagery. I guess that’s not too surprising, given there’s traditionally a power dynamic associated with a wedding day. Although I’m not really sure if they’re reinforcing or subverting a theme. On the one hand there’s the cliche of the blushing virgin bride on her wedding day being deflowered by her virile new husband. Clearly they twist that idea on it’s head. On the other hand there’s the cliche about the husband losing his freedom and being simultaneously emasculated and domesticated by his new wife. In that case they play into the idea. As an aside, I think it’s also interesting that they follow the traditional femdom porn clothing conventions. The woman is in a special outfit denoting her role (white dress/black leather) while the man is dressed conventionally (smart suit/naked).

Typically wedding themed shots don’t do much for me. However, I like this one for the barely suppressed smile on the man passing the couple by. That’s exactly the kind of half-smile I’d be sporting if I passed this pair in the street. There’s always an ongoing and never resolved debate about PDS (in fact Orlando was writing about it just this weekend), but in this case I think they’re spreading a little mirth wherever they go. Particularly if there’s a beaming bride to go with that grumpy groom.

I found this image on Red Head with a Riding Crop tumblr. My internet sleuthing leads me to believe the photographer is on flickr as m.o.n.o.c.h.r.o.m.e. Based on his portfolio it looks like a candid shot snapped in the street, rather than something posed. I also believe it was taken in Edinburgh in August, which almost certainly means it was something to do with the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Given the leaflets the ‘groom’ is holding, I’m guessing they were drumming up support for a show they were staging. So it’s street theater rather than PDS. Does that make a difference to the debate?

Mostly effective parenting

Something short and simply today. This is from the Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal strip. It sounds like a clever parenting plan, but she better hope her daughter isn’t dating a budding CBT fan.

Mouseketease

I’m a little nervous about posting this. The lawyers for Disney are notorious ~~assholes~~ fine, hardworking people who fiercely defend their companies property. I’m sure this is both fair use as a parody as well as being a creative work in it’s own right. But while I’m masochistic enough to enjoy whipping, burning and piercing, I’m not masochistic enough to want to get involved in a copyright dispute with corporate lawyers. I may be kinky, but I’m not crazy.

Anyway, it made me smile, so I thought it worth sharing. You expect this kind of behavior from Bugs Bunny, or even Tom & Jerry, but it’s quite against type for these two.

I found it on the ‘A Velvet Underground‘ (aka Obey or Else) tumblr. The tag is hard to read but I think it is Twisted Terra. Unfortunately I can’t find an artist site under that name.

Unicorns

I’m going to use this post as a shout out to Peroxide and his quest for information on male submissives. He’s planning to write a how-to guide on finding and dating male-subs. He’s working off of the assumption that good ones are as rare as unicorns *.

I’m not sure about the unicorn bit. I’m pretty certain I’d have remembered frolicking with fairies in mythical forests. Or the acquisition of an enormous horn. That would have come in handy. I’ve also blogged and commented in the past on that 20:1 ratio thing. Personally I suspect the issue isn’t one of rarity, it’s one of filtering. There’s no lack of signal, but there is a hell of a lot of noise. I’ve no idea what the overall female dominant to submissive male ratio is, but I do know the noise produced by badly socialized and self-serving male ‘submissives’ is high.

Anyway, regardless of the mythical and technical analogies, I do applaud the idea. So if you’ve got any interesting thoughts or information for Peroxide then send it his way. In the meantime I’ll leave you with an image of a particularly feisty unicorn. I can’t say I recommend this attitude when someone is swinging a flogger in your direction, but the image did make me smile. It’s by the photographer Vlad Gansovsky, and I found it on Mistress Lilyana’s tumblr.

* Interesting aside: Unicorn is also slang in poly circles for hot-bi-babes willing to date couples. They are apparently highly sought after and equally rare. Being a unicorn hunter is not necessarily seen as a good thing.

The cutting edge of gender issues (beware of icebergs)

I was amused to read this gawker article on an ironic Fox News snafu. The original Fox article was all about the benefits of traditional marriage and traditional gender models. Unfortunately for them the picture they picked to illustrate it was of the first same-sex couple to get married at the Empire State Building. Sadly they eventually spotted their faux-pas and changed the picture.

Although the picture problem was funny, the article itself is also pretty amusing. My favorite section is …

Prior to the 1970s, people viewed gender roles as as equally valuable. Many would argue women had the better end of the deal! It’s hard to claim women were oppressed in a nation in which men were expected to stand up when a lady enters the room or to lay down their lives to spare women life. When the Titanic went down in 1912, its sinking took 1,450 lives. Only 103 were women. One-hundred three.

Now I’m a man. Far be it from me to dictate when life was best for 50% of the world’s population. But I have to say that as general measure of happiness and liberty, the “chances of dying in a cruise ship disaster” test doesn’t strike me as the most representative one. If I had to pick between early access to lifeboats and say the right to vote (8 years after the Titanic sank), equal pay (<50% in 1912, and still only around 75%) and protection from workplace discrimination (not introduced till the 60’s), then I’m taking my chances in the icy waters. Although if I have to also listen to that God awful Celine Dione song then it might be a trickier decision.

While it’s idiotic to use simple gender based social conventions as markers for oppression, that doesn’t mean the social niceties themselves aren’t worth preserving. I enjoy the opportunity to display some old fashioned manners. Sadly, while standing for a lady is common enough, someone asking me to adjust their garter is a touch rarer. While this shot has an older feel to it, but is actually from 1981. It’s by Helmut Newton for Vogue.

The good old days

After mentioning the bad femdom porn of yesteryear in my previous post, it seemed a shame not to share some. This struck me as a particularly brilliant example. It’s so bad I think it actually becomes good again, by virtue of making me laugh.

The lady on the left is brandishing her flogger like it’s a long dead skunk that she wants to keep as far from her as possible. The lady on the right is falling out of her strange outfit, while expressing a strong revulsion to the idea of actually hitting the gentleman’s bottom. And for a man about to be trained by two wicked bitches in leather, he looks remarkably cheerful. He’s no doubt justifiably confident that he’s unlikely to need his safeword in the scene. What I find particularly amazing is that judging by the titling, this was the lead image for the magazine or the photo-spread. They must have looked at all the other shots and gone – “That’s it! That’s the one to lead with! This really sets the scene for the air of powerful dominance and complex sensuality that we’re trying to put across here.”

There’s a lot of justifiable complaining about bad femdom porn. I can’t deny that there’s a lot of it out there. But in an hour on tumblr you can find more good BDSM porn today than you could have found in a month of hunting in the 90’s. And I dread to think what it must have been like for kinksters prior to the spread of the internet.

I found this in a collection of vintage shots at Femdom Times.

Minion required

I’ve spent the evening packing for my upcoming New York trip. Not a fun time. Traveling to LA or Vegas is easy. Neither the climate nor the restaurants demand any sort of significant planning in the wardrobe department. Throw a few short sleeved shirts and a sports coat in a carry-on and you’re good to go. Manhattan in January is quite a different packing proposition.

What I really need is a minion to take care of it. I think I’d suck as a dominant, but having a minion seems like it should be easier to deal with. You never see evil masterminds worrying if their minions are having their needs met. Or doing any aftercare post massacre. Or blackmailing world leaders just because their minions always had a thing for financial domination. They just stick them in a colored jumpsuit and tell them to guard the hollowed out volcano. Can we not create a D/s/_m hierarchy for lazy submissives like myself?

While I return to jumping up and down on my case, I’ll leave you with a shot of someone being looked after appropriately. I’ll bet she doesn’t have to worry about shlepping her overstuffed carry-on bag around icy streets.

I found this on the Domina Desires tumblr. It’s originally by Kajali on deviant art, and is entitled Venus In Furs I.